Friday, July 10, 2009

At least I wasn't f*cking adopted, bitch!

Saw this little gem over at Twitter, posted by Jessenia about a little bit of adoption truth that happened on Real World Cancun.

Now, don't even try to read the accompanying article at gawker.com, because it's all but unreadable.

And actually don't even try to watch the video, because with all the bleeps, it's entirely incoherent.

With the exception of the last bombshell thrown out at the end of the fight:

At least I wasn't fucking adopted, bitch!

I don't know anything about this show. I haven't watched Real World since about Season 2 or so. I heard there were three adoptees this season which made me curious, but I just never got around to actually watching it on demand.

Anyway, I wasn't surprised or shocked by this. I had that bitchy line thrown at me growing up.

It's actually quite honest, to tell the truth. While it's ugly to hear and hurts like hell, I've always held this thought is deep inside the psyche of many a real kid.

If someone's so unlovable their own mother gave them away, that makes them fair game. So it's easy for a real kid who is lost for words to use someone's bastard status against them as a weapon.

I don't know the name of young woman who had that lovely but familiar line thrown at her, Emily I think it might be, but my eyes bled from reading through the article in the link above so I can't be sure.

But Emily, or whatever your name is, sorry sister.

It sucks to hear that line.

There was quite the bruhaha over that Orphan movie and it's one "It must be hard to love an adopted child" line.

Wonder if there will be the same type of stink over this one?

I'd love to be wrong, but somehow I doubt it. That adoptee from Real World unfortunately happens to be an adult, and that's a little long in the tooth for the general adoption-loving public.

Friday, July 03, 2009

Share the same place for a minute or two

This has been in my head a lot:

A pervasive sense of rootlessness has been a constant in my life. With July bringing the Adoptee Rights Demonstration in the place I was made, combined with this lovely outsourced/budget-cut economy driving us out of New York, the word 'home' has me decidedly more maudlin than usual.

I remember the day we moved to Chicago, the summer before I started 7th grade. My best girlfriend was there sobbing hysterically as we hugged goodbye. But I didn't cry; I was too devastated to show any emotion at all. There was only one thought in my head at the time: "How will I ever be able to find her, so far away?"

Moving became a way of life after that. Just as I'd get settled, the world would turn upside down, and once again I'd lose everything that was familiar to me. Five high schools in four years really does a number on a kid.

I've lived in Long Island longer than I have any other place since first moving away from Pennsylvania all those years ago. While I never felt rooted, I felt in place and I felt a sense of connectedness (or a reasonable facsimile thereof) in my husband's extremely large and loving family who live so close by.

I have a sense of real mourning as we get ready to put this house I adore on the market. (Combined with a sense of real pissed-off-edness at the fact we may be forced to do a short sale due to hopelessly falling house prices. What the fuckity fuckity fuck?)

But mostly I have a lot of sorrow and loss. I do adore it here. And no offense Ohio, but you'd have to work hard to convince me you have anything that can come close to this:

Moving reminds me very, very much of adoption. Through no decision of my own, I lost my first home, my first family, my first identity when I was adopted. And here a lifetime away I'm losing everything I've worked hard to build, again through no decision of my own. Hope is evil but I keep holding out for a last minute miracle that can keep us here. But until then, I've got Philly plans to finalize, and it's summer here in paradise. It's finally stopped raining, my work day is done, and I'm heading for the beach.

Friday, June 26, 2009

The National Council for Adoption: Mothers, Money, Marketing, and Madness

You have read this, right?

If not, please do.

Even if you have, it's worth reading again.

The National Council for Adoption: Mothers, Money, Marketing, and Madness

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Next Long Island Adoptee Meetup - Saturday, July 11

If you're on the Island, c'mon down.

Click here to check out
The Long Island Adoptees Meetup Group!

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Inhuman Benefits

So anyway on Facebook this morning, I was wondering about that dude in "Journey of the Adopted Self" who took that six months sick leave because he found search so threatening.

Just where did this guy work? Is there some adoptee-owned company out there that offers this as standard in their benefit package? If so, can I get a job there?

My search is done but frankly, I just find adoption so threatening, I really could use some time off from work too.

I'm just saying.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

New postcards available to print and send!

A hardworking volunteer for the rally has made some postcards you can print and send to your state representatives. You can find these on the 'Help Spread The Word' page.

postcards

These postcards are formatted to work with Avery Postcards products 3263, 3377, 3381, 5689, 8383, 8387, 8577, or any cardstock paper. Postcards are available in PDF or Word format. Go check them out and while you're there, review all the other ways you can help spread the word and raise awareness for the demonstration!

Sunday, June 07, 2009

On genetics

Dear Mom,

I've now seen pictures of

-- my brother

-- my sister

-- you

After careful consideration and hours of searching for even the slightest resemblance, I've come to the conclusion I definitely must take after my father.

Whoever he is.

I should never have sent you those pictures of me.

Love,
Whatever my name is

Holt unscathed despite suffering of thousands

The title says it all.

Go here

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

I'm nagging you

But Jeff asks much nicer

Please call or write on our behalf

Monday, May 25, 2009

New York Assembly A8410

Via Joyce Bahr, President:

Two day session in Albany this week. Tuesday & Wednesday only --so try to get your call, fax or letter in ASAP.

If you miss out this week, call next week.

Tell them you want A8410, the bill of adoptee rights, to the assembly floor for a vote!

Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver
LOB 932
Albany, NY 12248

phone: 518 455-3791
fax: 518 455-5459

Get your family, friends and neighbors to call!

S T A T E O F N E W Y O R K

________________________________________________________________________

8410

2009-2010 Regular Sessions

I N A S S E M B L Y

May 19, 2009

___________

Introduced by M. of A. KOON, DINOWITZ, GOTTFRIED, P. RIVERA, POWELL, GALEF, GIANARIS, MAYERSOHN, PEOPLES, ARROYO, WRIGHT, COLTON, P. LOPEZ, FIELDS, GABRYSZAK, JAFFEE, NOLAN, MAISEL, ROSENTHAL, TITONE, DelMONTE, CARROZZA, EDDINGTON, RAMOS, SCHROEDER, BRADLEY, PRETLOW, BUTLER --

Multi-Sponsored by -- M. of A. ALFANO, BARRA, BING, BOYLAND, CAMARA,CHRISTENSEN, CLARK, COOK, DUPREY, ERRIGO, FARRELL, GIGLIO, GUNTHER,HOOPER, HYER-SPENCER, KOLB, LATIMER, LAVINE, LIFTON, V. LOPEZ, LUPAR-DO, MAGEE, MAGNARELLI, McKEVITT, MILLER, MILLMAN, MOLINARO, PAULIN, PERRY, PHEFFER, QUINN, J. RIVERA, ROBINSON, SAYWARD, SCARBOROUGH, SEMINERIO, SPANO, STIRPE, THIELE, TOWNS, TOWNSEND, WALKER, WEISENBERG

-- read once and referred to the Committee on Health

Full bill text at http://assembly.state.ny.us/leg/?bn=A08410&sh=t

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Hope Anne Catricala

Catricala, Hope Anne COHOES Hope Anne Catricala, native of Watervliet, died Tuesday, May 19, 2009 at the age of 60 in her home in Cohoes after a long battle with cancer.

She was the daughter of the late Fredrick Russell and Helen Duchene, and of her late adoptive parents, Vincent James Sr. and Eleanor G. (Cramer) Catricala. Survived by brother, John Catricala; sister, Eleanor (Catricala) Lampkin; stepbrother, Ralph Duddley; stepsister, Theresa Birch; and several nieces and nephews.

Other close family and friends include Clement and Alice Turgeon, Donna Turgeon, Ben, Nancy, Benjamin and Leah Fronczek, Matthew and Hannah Watermann and family, Ellen and Tom Sage, Mary Gemma, and Dawn Cary.

Hope was a member of Holy Trinity Parish, Cohoes, where she was a member of the Ladies of Saint Anne Society, a RCIA team member, a Eucharist minister, usher, and team member of the Liturgical Planning group.

Hope's life consisted of working as a life guard at the Watervliet City Pool, various clerk jobs, the NYS Museum and the NYS Transportation Department.

She was the president of the NENY Lupus Foundation in Albany, original founder of the Adoptee Political Action Coalition (APAC) and the NY Statewide Adoption Reform (NYSAR), and a member of the New York Adoption group. She fought for 17 years to pass legislation of the Bill of Adoptee Rights before both the Assembly and the Senate in Albany, N.Y.

She was a lover of animals and spent time volunteering at the Mohawk Hudson Animal Shelter. She was the recipient of the J.C. Penny Golden Rule Award and the Lupus Foundation of America Fleur-de-lis Award for her outstanding service to the community.

Special thanks to Dr. Duncan Savage, Dr. Nina Wu, the Community Hospice of Rensselaer and any of my angels: Ellen, Mary Ann, Hannah, Joan, Kathy, and Phyllis.

Calling hours will be held Friday from 4 to 7 p.m. at the Catricala Funeral Home Inc., 1597 Rte. 9, Clifton Park with a funeral Mass Saturday at 9 a.m. in the Holy Trinity Parish Church, Vliet Blvd, Cohoes. Burial will take place in St. Joseph's Cemetery in Waterford.

In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the Holy Trinity Parish, 122 Vliet Blvd., Cohoes, NY 12047; the NENY Lupus Foundation, 790 Watervliet Shaker Rd., Latham, NY 12110; and the Mohawk & Hudson River Humane Society, 3 Oakland Ave., Menands, NY 12204.

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Allergic to adoption

I had a memory today reading 'Adoptees as Mothers' at 73Adoptee this morning. Actually I had lots of memories, many unpleasant, remembering a lot of how terrified I was that I would lose my son when he was little. Even though he's grown now, I still worry, all the time. And why wouldn't I? He's the only real relative I have who talks to me.

What a burden that must be: To be someone's only relative they've ever met in their entire life.

The worst memory though was something I witnessed that was so disturbing to me that even after all this time, I can't shake it off.

There's an adoptee I know who is very happy with being adopted. She says she's never wanted to search and couldn't be more grateful with the privileged upper class life she was gifted into.

Although she's very interested in my adoption she rarely speaks about hers, and when she does -- she cuts herself off and changes the topic.

We were talking one day in her kitchen about our children and how fiercely we love them, how being a mother is the most incredible love there is. She was talking about how she loves her children more than anyone else on earth as she stood over the sink washing and peeling potatoes.

I made mention in passing that her children were the first and only people she knew who were related to her. She said nothing after that, which wasn't surprising. What was surprising was the fact that she stopped moving. She just stood there at the sink, the water running, a potato in one hand and a knife in the other, standing still as a statue, staring at nothing, lost tumbling down her own soul.

She was wearing a lovely low-cut blouse that showed off her equally lovely cleavage quite nicely. And as she stood there in silence, quite un-lovely hives started to form on her breasts. They made their way up her chest to her throat. As they started to develop on her jawline she finally spoke, only to say she was going to get some Benadryl and change her shirt.

She was quite miserable for the remainder of the evening.

That was the last time I made any mention of adoption to her. It's something I go out of my way not speak of in her presence. I'm very afraid her allergy to adoption may do her in some day, and I worry about her all, all, all the time.

The pissed off, ungrateful, raging, questioning ones like me... I think we're the lucky ones. At least we can talk about it and not have to put on a turtleneck.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Little things mean a lot

What's the very first question asked when applying for a birth certificate?

Those little reminders that you are not equal, you are not entitled to the same treatment as other Americans.

You're different.

Friday, April 24, 2009

RegDay November 14, 2009 VOLUNTEER TODAY!!!

Adoption_NYC is looking for RegDay volunteers!

Site Coordinator: ADOPTION_NYC IS LOOKING FOR VOLUNTEERS FOR THE UPCOMING RegDay November 14, 2009 in New York City:

The main purpose for RegDay is to increase public awareness of the International Soundex Reunion Registry or ISRR. Volunteers pass out flyers, hand out ISRR forms, answer questions, including media related and need to be able to do so calmly under pressure.

To Volunteer, send them a message on Myspace at

http://www.myspace.com/adoption_nyc

Please include:

NAME
CURRENT LOCATION
EMAIL/MYSPACE
NUMBER HOURS AVALIABLE (between 8am and 10pm)

Movies on YouTube

YouTube has started streaming full length movies, among them....

Love Inventory

After the loss of his parents, filmmaker David Fisher feared that his tightly knit family was growing apart. Born and raised in Israel, the Fisher siblings—three brothers, one sister—were grappling with common concerns of families everywhere: divorce, child-raising, job pressures, emotional problems. Bittersweet, honest and touchingly funny, LOVE INVENTORY chronicles Fisher’s attempt to solve a personal mystery—uniting his troubled family in the process.

As Fisher and his siblings sift through family papers after the death of their father, a long-buried secret rises to the surface. For years, their mother had mentioned that her first children had been twins, a boy and a girl, but that the girl had disappeared shortly after birth. The Fishers knew they had an older brother who had died after only a few months, but were uncertain what to make of the stories about the missing twin. Did she die in infancy as well, and if so, where was she buried? Or could she even still be alive, unknowingly living in the same city? What would she look like—and what happened to her?

Watch online: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Id1MYmdYjGo

Film homepage: http://www.pbs.org/independentlens/loveinventory/

Daughter from Danang

A heartbreaking documentary that upsets your expectations of happily-ever-afters, Daughter from Danang is a riveting emotional drama of longing, identity, and the personal legacy of war. To all outward appearances, Heidi is the proverbial “all-American girl”, hailing from small town Pulaski, Tenn. But her birth name was Mai Thi Hiep. Born in Danang, Vietnam in 1968, she’s the mixed-race daughter of an American serviceman and a Vietnamese woman. Fearing for her daughter’s safety at the war’s end, Hiep’s mother sent her to the U.S. on “Operation Babylift”, a Ford administration plan to relocate orphans and mixed-race children to the U.S. for adoption before they fell victim to a frighteningly uncertain future in Vietnam after the Americans pulled out. Mother and daughter would know nothing about each other for 22 years.

Now, as if by a miracle, they are reunited in Danang. But what seems like the cue for a happy ending is anything but. Heidi and her Vietnamese relatives find themselves caught in a confusing clash of cultures and at the mercy of conflicting emotions that will change their lives forever. Through intimate and sometimes excruciating moments, Daughter from Danang profoundly shows how wide the chasms of cultural difference and how deep the wounds of war can run--even within one family.

Watch online: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ueTwnMb8dI

Film homepage: http://www.daughterfromdanang.com/

An excellent review of this film is at Ethnically Incorrect

Sunday, April 19, 2009

ICWA Help Needed

I have very little knowledge of the Indian Child Welfare Act of 1977 but I know other people do.

Can someone please, please help this blogger - this is really important.

This law was made for a number of reasons, but the one that is of most importance to me is that my records can supposedly be opened due to genetic and medical reasons. It is a federal law. In my case I am not so much interested in finding my natural parents but rather looking for medical history and acknowledgment from the tribe so that I can apply for grant money so I can show that we can get the Prograf. Without that, there will be no transplant. Anybody know any adoption law? We're stumped.

The post is at http://beaux24.blogspot.com/2009/04/where-do-we-go-from-here.html

Thanks.

PS - Also even though I think it's twitter-attention-whorish to ask for RT's, if you're on Twitter if you could please RT this one I'd appreciate it. This is someone's health here.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Wherein I fall a little deeper in love with fellow adoptee Louis Spector:

I mean, check this out:

Louis Spector's memoir: 'The Gingerbread House at La Collina Drive: My Life Caged Behind Phil Spector's Wall Of Sound'. Louis and twin brother Gary were bought as a surprise Christmas present for Phil’s wife Ronnie when they were five.

read more | digg story

Is that a great title, or what?

I am so looking forward to this book.

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