Sunday, December 30, 2007

Grand Opening - ILLINOIS OPEN

GRAND OPENING

PLEASE FORWARD FREELY

ILLINOIS OPEN
http://www.ilopen.org
OBC@ILOPEN.ORG


MISSION STATEMENT
Illinois Open advocates the issuing to all Illinois adult adoptees,
upon request and unconditionally, a copy of their unaltered original birth certificate.


GOALS

Illinois Open is an informational organization. Its goals are to educate the public about sealed records as well as locate grassroots supporters for open records in Illinois.



Currently, the only way adopted adults in Illinois can receive a copy of their original birth certificate is by petitioning the court and showing good cause, a lengthy, costly, and time consuming process.



Illinois Open is asking the State of Illinois to repeal or amend its Adoption Act so that all adopted adults can get their original birth certificate in the same manner as all non-adopted citizens.

We want to hear from you. Please write to us at obc@ilopen.org .

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The Adoption Show - Sunday December 30, 2007

THE ADOPTION SHOW
VOICES ENDING THE MYTH
WWW.THEADOPTIONSHOW.COM

Sunday December 30, 2007
8:30 PM (EST)

Join guests and friends in the chat room after the show!
http://www.theadoptionshow.com/chatroom.htm


Guests

Margie Perscheid & Marsha Roberts

MARGIE PERSCHEID
Margie Perscheid is the adoptive mother of two children, both of whom are Korean and are now teens. She has been active in the Korean adoption community in Washington, DC since 1989, when her first child joined her family. In 1996, she and a like-minded group of friends founded Korean Focus ( www.koreanfocus.org), an organization for adoptive families with Korean children that offers educational and cultural programs and services to families in the DC area. Margie writes about her adoption experience and adoptive parenting on her blog Third Mom ( thirdmom.blogspot.com), has written for several Korean American and adoption publications, and dreams of one day completing the compendium of writings of adoptive parents to their Korean children's first mothers that she's been working on forever. Margie is also an advocate for open records and family preservation.

MARSHA ROBERTS
Marsha Roberts is the mother of 5 children, 2 of whom are internationally adopted from China . She adopted her daughter Miaoxin at age 2 1/2 in 2006 and her son Qi at age 8 1/2 in the summer of 2007. She is the co-founder of a website called Informed Adoption Advocates at www.informedadoptions.com and her goal is to educate and inform adoptive and prospective adoptive parents about the many complex issues regarding international adoption. She is also an adoptee, having been adopted by her paternal grandparents at the age of 4. She met her mother again at age 18 and has been in reunion for 14 years. She is an advocate of open records, adoptee rights, first parent rights and pro-family preservation whenever possible.

______________________

Subscribe to The Adoption Show! www.theadoptionshow.com

Contact The Adoption Show
Michelle Edmunds & Thaddeus Pedro theadoptionshow@gmail.com
Kali Coultas, Angrate Action Alerts kali@theadoptionshow.com

Listen to Past Shows!
(May 2006-November 2007)
http://www.theadoptionshow.com/pastshows.htm

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Friday, December 28, 2007

I dig digg

I’m really late to the whole social bookmarking thing. I hung back for a while because I didn’t really get the idea of it. Then after some time and surfing around, I still hung back some more. I wanted to see if anyone else was using it for adoption related news, because I’m lazy like that.

A few months ago adoption news stories started coming into my google alerts faster than I could post them, so I signed up for a few bookmarking sites and started to see which one I liked the best, just as a way to keep these stories saved. Each one has their plusses and minuses but I’ve settled on digg. This is just the test of one person, but it seemed to me that stories I dugg wound up being indexed by Google faster than at the other sites. Case in point, a story I dugg this morning hit my inbox again via a google alert 30 minutes after I submitted it.

This post came about from a very nice email I received from someone saying they missed the adoption news stories I used to post, and they couldn’t see my digg widget because they read me in a reader. I’ll post here what I replied to her: you can still read the news stories in a reader by adding this feed.

Digging the stories is so much faster than blogging them, and it gets them exposed to people outside the warm and fuzzy world of adoption bloggers.

Also, surprise, surprise, someone dugg me:
Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

Which of course prompted the obligatory negative comment:


But hey, I was touched. How kind to digg me.

I’m still learning the ins and outs of the site. There’s a certain kindness protocol of digging stories that other users dugg which I’m still trying to find out a more efficient way to do, but for the most part I’ve found it a good place to keep all the adoption news stories in one place. Unless anyone else has a better recommendation. I find digg’s categories somewhat limiting.

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Wednesday, December 26, 2007

What was the top adoption news story in 2007?

For the love of all that is holy, please, please, I'm on my knees begging you, please get over to about.com and vote that Angelina Jolie story that's in the lead down.

Please.

I'll do anything, I swear.

Please do not let that be the most important adoption news story of 2007.

Jesus Christ.

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Rigmarole

Age and occupation

Two tiny things.

That’s all I want right now.

An age, and an occupation.

I’ve asked for it a few times, and been denied each time. Why?

I’m entitled to it by state law.

It’s supposed to be kept safe in a permanent record for me. I shouldn’t have to go through this rigmarole just to get it.

By the way, don’t you love the word rigmarole? I so rarely get to use it, but it’s so apt.

Webster’s defines it as a complex and sometimes ritualistic procedure. It makes one think Noah Webster needed to petition the state of Pennsylvania for his non-identifying information. Repeatedly.

It is a ritual. My petition is a holy document. I read it again. And again. And again. I have the sections memorized the way some people can recite bible verses on command. I print it out, take it to get notarized, send it off, and wait to be denied. Same result as praying.

Here’s the church I send it to:




This holy place holds all my mysteries. Or at least a clue. Just one clue.

In 1963: My father’s age. My father’s occupation. One other person knows, but she’s as silent and unreachable as God.

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Tuesday, December 25, 2007

About neither adoption nor xmas

For anyone who has had it up to here with both right now, here's one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen:


July 11, 2004
Montreal

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Monday, December 24, 2007

A CHRISTMAS VIGIL

From Coleman Moms and Babes


I'm dating this one in the future so the post stays on top until Christmas Eve. I'll be lighting a candle, and I'll light one online too. This is one of my favorite websites:

Photobucket



Ninth Annual Christmas Eve Candle Lighting

As the world lights candles in preparation to celebrate the birth of a child who changed the course of history on Christmas Eve, New England First Mothers (NEFM), the Canadian Council of Natural Mothers (CCNM) and over 800 members of the Sunflower Birth Mothers (SBM) will celebrate Christmas Eve by lighting a candle in memory of births which changed their own personal histories. This year will mark the 9th Annual Christmas Eve Candle Lighting for these women.

These three groups are of natural mothers from around the world, who have surrendered or lost a child to adoption and are now linked through cyber space, as well as through personal hardship. These women communicate through e-mail with each other, helping each other with this journey that has no road maps or directions. The Sunflower group is divided into two separate lists; searching and reunited. Their status is determined by the status of their relationship with the child who was placed for adoption. These women offer one another emotional support as they endure the struggles associated with living as a natural mother - the forgotten member of the Adoption Triad.

On Christmas Eve this year, each of these women will light a candle at 6:00 PM and burn it until midnight, thus having candles lit around the world on Christmas Eve Night. The candle will remember the members who are searching for their child and light the way for the possible reunion. For those who are reunited, it will burn to strengthen the tie that was forged between the biological members of the Triad. And, for those who have been rejected by the fruit of their womb, it will offer hope for a change of heart and a better future.

The NEFM, SMB and CCNMs ask that all members of the community remember those who are living a life with a part of them missing and offer a brief prayer for first mothers everywhere who endure the pain of a difficult decision. It is their hope that in this season of goodwill toward all that they may share in the joy of the season. Please join these exceptional women in lighting up the world on Christmas Eve.

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Friday, December 21, 2007

Confessions of an Identity Thief

I actually wrote this a few days ago. It had started as a comment on Addie’s blog, but then took a life of it’s own. I began to create a blog post, but it freaked me out too badly to post it. So I didn’t for two reasons. First, I was getting a lot of traffic from a site I couldn’t see. Access denied messages piss me off and make me feel unsafe. Gee I wonder why. The second reason was my own reaction to the face I created.

Truth be told, it scared the bejesus out of me. I felt I had created something so horrible, something pornographic, that I was a terrible person for making it. My reaction to the picture was really disturbing, so I posted it at the one place where I feel entirely accepted, or as entirely accepted as I’ll allow myself to feel. And then I got a migraine.

I felt a tremendous relief the next morning. No one ran away shrieking in horror. I wasn’t banned for creating something vile. Angry villagers weren’t surrounding my home with torches and pitchforks. I had not only created, but also shared with other people my arch-nemesis – the Theresa whose life I stole.


------------------------------------------------------

This morning Addie wrote this

I think about this a lot. I have writings on this in some of my draft posts. They never make it to published status. I don’t know if this one will.

I went back and read her post a zillion times over.

OK more like 20, but still.

The ghost me knows just what she’s writing about. I think about the ghost me a lot. I spend a lot of time feeling sorry for her. Someone in my family has to. The only one who knows the ghost me exists hasn’t shown a great deal of compassion.

And I think about another ghost, the ghost of Theresa, the woman whose life I’m living. She scares me, because I’m sure she’d hate me. I’d resent anyone who was living my life. Theresa is the one of the 8 children my adoptive parents wanted but could not have. I took the place of the first-never-born.

My name is Theresa, and I am an identity thief. I stole the life of a wish named Theresa H. I didn’t do it on purpose; it’s a life of crime I was sold into. My accomplices are the Philadelphia Archdiocese, a former high profile lawyer-turned-judge, and the State of Pennsylvania.

I’ve had a lot of privileges, living Theresa’s life. Thing is though, I think I would have had a lot of privileges living my other ghost life too.

Being Theresa, I grew up in Bucks County. If I had lived my ghost life, I would have grown up in Philly. Personally I can’t rate one higher than the other. I had adoptive relatives in Philly. I kinda liked it there. It’s really a wash that way.

Being Theresa, I moved to Chicago in 7th grade. My ghost stayed in the City of Brotherly Love. Plusses and minus both ways again. I’d have to say the biggest plus to being Theresa was the fact that my adoptive parents were council contributors of the Field Museum, so I got to see King Tut for free anytime I wanted to. I also got to go to the front of the line. It used to be an hour wait to get into to see the Boy King. But then again, who’s to say my natural parents weren’t council contributors of the Philadelphia museum? Maybe I would have gotten the same perks there too.

Theresa got a horse but from what the newspaper archives tell me, there was a bit of the equestrian in dear old mom, so I think ghost me would have been a dressage girl too.

I’ve done a lot of fraud in Theresa’s name. I used her birth certificate to get a social security card, a driver’s license, an education, and to get married. I showed Theresa’s birth certificate as proof of my citizenship to get the job I have now. Twenty years from now, I’ll be using Theresa’s identity to collect her social security benefits. I really should be arrested. I can’t count the number of crimes I’ve committed with a falsified birth certificate.

I feel sorry for the Theresa whose life I’m living though. I wish she had had a chance to live. I think she would have liked the life I lived for her, and probably would have appreciated it much more than I had.

I wondered what she would look like.

So I took a picture of my adoptive parents, when they were young and dating, and I morphed them together. It was interesting to me that the morphed face was much more masculine, but I don’t know if it’s just because I was looking for my adoptive dad in it. In any event, I used that face transformer to turn it into a woman, and then make her into an adult. I felt weird doing this, like this was some secret I shouldn’t be looking into. Something hidden and forbidden and obscene almost, creating through web apps the face of the life I've led.




She’d be 8 years older than I am now. I know my adoptive parents wanted to have kids right away, like all of their siblings did. If they did, she’d be a December baby.

Come to think of it, when I start counting, I think today could have been her birthday.

I showed her to my cool husband when he came home from work.

"Do you think she's pretty?" I asked him.

"Who's that, is she related to your dad?" he wanted to know. Aha, so it wasn't just me.

"That's Theresa H.", I told him. He didn't get it. How could he? He's a real kid. I had to explain it to him.

"You're prettier than she is," he said.

I looked at her again.

He's such a liar. She's superior to me in every way. With her faint never-born smile, she's realer than I could ever be.





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Thursday, December 20, 2007

I always liked Lowes better than Home Depot anyway

This is so wonderful! There's a video at the site too - check it out! If you're up for opening minds and hearts, there's a few closed up folks in the comments at this site who could use a little educating. I don't have it in me right now though, maybe later. Now, I'm just thrilled for these families, and I'm sure you will be too.


Man finds birth mom 22 years later at work
Michigan man learns co-worker was woman who gave him up for adoption
By Mike Celizic
TODAYShow.com contributor
updated 10:35 a.m. ET, Thurs., Dec. 20, 2007

As a delivery driver at the Lowe’s in Grand Rapids, Mich., Steve Flaig knew that you could find a lot of things you need in the superstore, but he never dreamed that one of them would be his birth mother.

But that’s where Flaig’s four-year search for his mother ended, not in aisle seven, but in the office, where the co-worker he knew casually in passing as Chris turned out to be the woman who gave him up for adoption after his birth 22 years ago.

“Passing each other, it was just, ‘Hey,’ ” Christine Tallady, 45, told TODAY co-host Meredith Vieira on Thursday. “I didn’t really have a lot of contact with him. As a delivery person, he’d get his deliveries, leave the store, do his deliveries, come back and then pretty much leave. I was based in the store, so I stayed in the office.”

When Flaig turned 18, and with the blessing and encouragement of his adoptive parents, he began searching for his birth mother. He started at D.A. Blodgett for Children, the Grand Rapids agency that had handled his adoption. Tallady had left her records open, listing her name in the hope that the child she gave birth to as a young single woman would contact her someday.

It wasn’t an intense search, but more of an off-and-on thing on the Internet. After more than three years without success, he went back to the agency and found that the reason he couldn’t find his mother was because he was misspelling her last name. He put the proper spelling in a search engine and up popped a Christine Tallady living in Grand Rapids at an address not far from his own home and near the Lowe’s where he worked.

“I thought, wow, that’s really close to here, where I work,” he told NBC News. “I bet I’ve seen her in the store.”

‘You’ve got to be kidding me’
Two months ago, he learned that she didn’t just come in the store, she worked there. But now that he was so close to the person he'd been seeking for so many years, he didn’t know how to approach her.

“It’s a bizarre situation, and I was not 100 percent sure as to what to do about it, how to bring it to her attention and how to break the news to her,” he told Vieira. “There’s always that fear that it could potentially go wrong or something wouldn’t go right. So I had to be 100 percent sure before I went ahead with it.”

Finally, he went back to the adoption agency and asked for advice. An employee there offered to call Tallady and break the news to her for Flaig. She told Tallady only her son’s first name and that he worked in the store with her.

“I just sat down and just started crying,” she said. “I said, ‘You’ve got to be kidding me.’ ”

She started running down the list of Steves who worked in the store, eliminating them by age until she settled on the nice young man who drove a delivery truck. Once she verified his birthday, she knew for certain who he was.

That was on Wednesday, Dec. 12. Flaig called her that afternoon and they agreed to meet for lunch at a nearby restaurant for a proper introduction.

“We met at a neutral place,” Tallady said. “I walked in; I saw him sitting there. He got out of his seat, and we just hugged and hugged and hugged and cried and cried. It was very emotional, very emotional.”

The best part for Tallady was seeing how well her son’s adoptive parents had done in raising him.

“He’s a good person, just a really good person,” she said. “It just makes you proud he turned out this way.”

For Flaig, the meeting filled what had been an empty space in his life. “It’s something that’s just kind of missing in your life,” he said. “It crosses your mind every day, thinking that this person’s out there somewhere, and I would love to meet them someday. It’s worked out wonderfully.”

‘They are just ecstatic ’
His roommate, Joel Brinks, told NBC that the meeting has changed Flaig profoundly.

“He’s infinitely happier,” Brinks said. “He constantly has a smile on his face and seems a lot more excited than he has been in a long time.”

That smile was still on his face as he sat next to his birth mother in the TODAY studio in New York, looking at her frequently and smiling fondly.

Tallady, too, was glowing. She’s married now, with two children, Alexandra, 12, and Brandon, 10. Her husband has known ever since they’ve been married that she had another son who’d been given up for adoption, and had supported her decision to meet with him. When she came home last Friday after having lunch with Flaig, he told her she was radiant.

She sat down with her two children and told them that she had just met their older half brother.

“Tears — tears of joy” is how she described Alex and Brandon’s reactions. “They’re so excited they have a brother. They are just ecstatic — they haven’t met him yet. They’ve seen him on TV, but they haven’t met him.”

Flaig is looking forward to that meeting — yet another incomparable gift at this holiday season. He also can’t wait to introduce Tallady to his adoptive parents.

He has reason to be confident that they’ll become good friends. Not long ago, Flaig’s brother, who is also adopted, reunited with his birth mother and introduced her and her family to the Flaigs, whose family circle is getting bigger by the day.

“They’ve become pretty close with our family,” he told Vieira. “They were just over for dinner last week.”

© 2007 MSNBC Interactive

URL: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22340497/

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Wednesday, December 19, 2007

What my son just yelled out from the living room:


"Mom,

it's a

surrogate-mother-baby-farming episode

on Law & Order!

I am not even joking!"

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Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Google Art



Swiped this addictive and fun site off The Presurfer

Type in a word or two or three and generate a masterpiece.

I used the forbidden term Pennsylvania Birth Certificate for Adoptees. It took me a few tries to get just the right look, but I'm pretty pleased with the results.

It's here: net.art generator

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Monday, December 17, 2007

Such a good idea

This.

Check it out. It's really great.





I tried to do this a long time ago, in the dark old ages when videos and computers did not go hand in hand. My video camera was three times the size of the laptop I have now and weighed about 25 pounds. I had to keep it on a tripod because it would hurt my shoulder after a while. I used to interview my friends, and then watch them on this ancient thing called a VCR, which was a way to steal someone's soul and keep it in this little black box. Also once you were done watching someone's stolen soul, you needed to rewind it back to the beginning if you wanted to watch it again. These were dark times.

In any event, I wanted to do this with my adoptive mom. I would have liked to do it with my dad too but he was on the road most of the time and usually passed out on his recliner when he was home. Now that I'm working the same kind of hours he did, I view my memories of him snoring on the recliner with a much more sympathetic eye than I did before. (Yes, I will admit, I did steal his sleeping soul though, and made a video called Interview with the Snoring Man. I know that's mean but he thought it was funny.)

Anyway my adoptive mom would have none of it. Having her soul stolen wasn't high on her list of priorities. I wish she had agreed to it though, it would be interesting to look at 20 something years later. I wonder if she'd agree to it now? I may test this out.

Anyway, I really love this, and hope you will too.



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Friday, December 14, 2007

I'm done commenting on this one

After this final rant - I refuse to believe that this poor girl was just so sick from the moment they adopted her at, 4-months old, 7 years ago, that a diplomat and his wife, with a host of assistants, could not find the time to get her citizenship. Give me a break. They sure had enough time to throw that party in January 2005 where their real kid son was mentioned but Jade wasn't.

Anyone who is raised by a host of nannies is going to have attachment difficulties. Why adopt a child if you're not going to be the one to raise her?



51 comments and growing over at Michelle Malkin. The article itself is really well done and has some new news posts I hadn't seen yet. I'm sorry to see some of the comments labeling this in terms of liberal vs. conservative though. There's no politics here. Just the saddest little girl in the midst of a 15-minute media spotlight.

Update: Outrage builds over Dutch couple who dumped adopted Korean daughter

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Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Dear Mom




http://www.youtube.com/user/CristyHarris


Edit 12/12 - This YouTuber knows there are lots of different stories out there. If you're near Southern California and interested in participating in her project, drop her a line.

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More on those monsters who dumped their daughter

Why mince words, right?

Links around the blogosphere. As usual if I missed you, it wasn't intentional, it was oversight. Yell at me in comments and I'll add your post. (Edit 12/14 - adding the newer and overlooked posts in now)

After Grog Blog (via this blog I had the true horror of being exposed to Adoption Gone Wrong. Remember parents - you can even get a rebate on your bad adoptee 40 years later! Wow - glad I'm 44.)
Seven Year Ditch

All Children Have Rights
Outcry as Dutch diplomat disposes of adopted 7-year old

Andrew Bolt
No diplomat to his own child

Ethnically Incorrect Daughter
Damaged Goods?

Harlow's Monkey
It's not too late to take action, even after 40 years

Land of the Not-So-Calm
Return Policies
and
Return Policies: A Little More Info, and WHY?

Michelle Malkin
Selfish Beasts of the Day Award

Reading While Black
30-Day Return on Adopted Children

Reading Writing Living
Suffering from "Adoption Disappointment?"

Resist Racism
Seven Years


Second Chances
Returnable

Strollerderby
Couple Who Adopted Girl Wants to Give Her Back

Third Mom
For Shame

Twice the Rice
'Forever families' & adoption permanency

The Voyage
Inexcusable... (get ready to be sick)...


We All Come from 'Seoul'
Couple adopted 4-months old girl while in Korea : 7 years later they left her with the social welfare in Hong Kong

We Four in Egypt
The Dutch family and adoption dissolution
and
Dutch (mis)treat

Writing My Wrongs
I Have No Words


Newsweek has a pretty disturbing article up right now, and in it there is mention that in 2006, 81 adopted children were given the boot by their forever families.

And I don't want to hear any boo-freaking-hoos about how difficult a decision this must have been. Please. Only when you buy a human being can you even remotely consider a return policy.

Oh and what's that you say - there were hundreds of thousands of adoptions so 81 is just a small percentage? Yeah, tell that to the 81 who had 100% of their life turned upside down - after, may I remind you - they already had their entire world destroyed by losing their mother at birth.

A Dutch newspaper has printed a little more about them. You can use BabelFish to get a translation. Finally they've been named.

Raymon and Meta Poeteray - shame on you.

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

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Open Records in the Big Apple

Claud writes on the exciting goings-on on Monday during the Open Records meeting - take a look -

Musings of the Lame: The Open Records Conclave in NYC

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Monday, December 10, 2007

Teasers Launch Party for Going Home - 12/13/07

If you're free Thursday evening, why not head on over to lovely Cambridge for the teaser launch party to support Going Home?

More details at their blog:

Teasers Launch Party

Come to our party to watch the premiere of our teasers for "Going Home"! It will be held Thursday Dec. 13 from 6-10PM at Phoenix Landing, 512 Massachusetts Avenue, Cambridge, MA.

Come watch two teasers, listen to original music featured in "Going Home" performed live, and talented Emerson students perform their own music.

We will also be selling T-Shirts featuring designs that represent different majors at Emerson at the event for $12/shirt. Check out the designs at the ThirdCat Store!

The event is 19+ with state issued photo ID/passport. Open to EVERYONE!

Suggested Donation of $2 to help with post production costs.

Directions to Phoenix Landing: Central Square T-Stop on Red Line.

Hope to see you there!!

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Sunday, December 09, 2007

The Adoption Show Sunday December 9, 2007 - Bernadette Wright

The Adoption Show Sunday December 9, 2007 - Bernadette Wright

THE ADOPTION SHOW
Voices Ending the Myth

Sunday December 9, 2007
9:00 PM EST
www.theadoptionshow.com


OUSA STUDY
MOTHERS' VOICES:
SURRENDER EXPERIENCES AND LONG-TERM EFFECTS
http://origins-usa.org/Default.aspx?pageId=24349


BERNADETTE WRIGHT
Bernadette Wright is a mother who lost her only child, a son who she named Sebastian, to a grey market baby broker in 1990, when she was 19. She has not seen or known anything about her son since he was taken from the hospital at two days old.

Bernadette is passionate about working to prevent other families from being unnecessarily separated. She is the President of Origins-USA (http://www.origins- usa.org/ ), a national organization devoted to promoting family preservation and advocating for people separated by adoption.

Bernadette holds a PhD. in Public Policy and works professionally at a consulting firm, providing research on how to improve the system for people with disabilities who need supportive services. She lives in Fairfax, Virginia with her partner Don and her cat Veronica.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _

Contact us or be a guest on The Adoption Show
theadoptionshow@gmail.com

Subscribe to The Adoption Show
http://www.theadopt ionshow.com/members.htm

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Couple give up child adopted 7 years ago

Note: I've been digging adoption news lately as opposed to posting them, because it's faster that way. For some reason this morning I couldn't get this story dugg, so I'm posting it here.


Couple give up child adopted 7 years ago
Diplomat and wife turn out girl, 8
Barclay Crawford
Dec 09, 2007


A high-ranking diplomat and his wife have given up to Hong Kong authorities the daughter they adopted seven years ago in Korea when she was just four months old.

The diplomat and his wife handed the girl over to the Social Welfare Department last year.

The case has prompted appeals to find new parents for the child among the Korean community in Hong Kong, and comes amid international debate about families adopting children from other cultures.

An Irish couple caused a furore when they returned a child to an Indonesian orphanage in 2005, saying the adoption did not work out. Recently, a French charity sparked controversy with plans to take 103 children from Chad in central Africa to France for adoption.

The Korean girl has been in foster care with an expatriate family since being handed over to social workers in Hong Kong. The diplomat and his wife gave her up after having two children of their own and the Social Welfare Department has been working to find her a new permanent home.

The South Korean consulate says she was not naturalised as a citizen of her adoptive parents' country and is not a Hong Kong resident. This leaves her residency status in the city in doubt. The girl is attending school and speaks Cantonese and English, but not Korean.

The diplomat, who has a senior management role at a European consulate in the city, yesterday said the child had been adopted by his family while he was based at his country's embassy in South Korea. The adoption had gone wrong, he said.

The diplomat said the family was trying "hard to deal with it" and had consulted experts. His wife was seeking therapy following the decision to give up the child.

"It's just a very terrible trauma that everyone's experiencing," he said. "I don't have anything to say to the public. It is something we have to live with.

"My Foreign Ministry knows about my situation. I have also been in touch with the Hong Kong government and they have been very helpful to me and so has my own employer."

The diplomat declined to say whether his family was in touch with the child.

"We are doing everything with the Hong Kong government and Social Welfare Department to find a solution," he said. "That's as much as I can tell you. We are trying our best."

A Korean magazine has twice published appeals to Hong Kong-based Koreans to find the girl a home.

"She was adopted by a ... couple in January 2000, who were living in Korea at that time," the magazine said, citing the Social Welfare Department.

"Her adoptive mother, who had been thought to be sterile, has since had her own two children so they gave her up for adoption."

The South Korean consulate confirmed it was aware of the situation and said it had been flooded with offers of help.

Many in the community have expressed anger and bewilderment at the treatment of the girl.

Inn Hae Morgan, who has been in touch with the Social Welfare Department, said the concern centred on the welfare of the child.

"We have been told she is well and happy," she said.

"It's hard to understand what the circumstances would be that a child who has been with a family for so many years would be abandoned."

Social welfare sector legislator Fernando Cheung Chiu-hung said there would be issues with the child's nationality and she might have to return to Korea before she could find a new family.

A spokesman for the Social Welfare Department said it would comment on the case later.

Korean law does not permit adoptive parents to return their children. There is no similar law in Hong Kong.

Read more...

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Two more adoption vloggers

Please subscribe.










http://www.youtube.com/user/theantibitch


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Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Blah, too busy

I need a new life, or a slave clone to help me manage the life I have now. At least do the litter boxes.

Remember that line I made a while back about secretly wishing that our adult children would be unable to find employment after college and be forced to live with us for financial reasons? Well, be careful what you wish for.

It's wonderful, but the house has grown extremely busy extremely fast. It's not so much the not finding employment bit, but yanno, what you go to school for and what you can get jobs in are mutually exclusive. Also, the northeast is just too freaking expensive apartment wise.

The cats are quite perturbed that not only are there are people sleeping in their beds, the all the bedroom doors are closed because the people sleeping in their beds for some odd reason don't like cat hair. Can you imagine?

I'm trying to keep up reading wise but as you can see,

I'm failing as miserable as I did during that 'I'm going to blog every day for the month of November' nonsense.

So a quick wrap up of links highlighting the magic of adoption



I'm sorry if I missed you, it was totally unintentional, I have bereft and bemused cats that need my attention.



Oh PS, As much as I hate the Christmas season, I am just so

so so so, looking forward, to this

Read more...

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Interesting description

Yeah, I know, it's Lifetime, but this caught my eye. It came through my Google alerts. I have to say this is the first time I've seen this phrase mentioned:

A Dad for Christmas '06. Kristopher Turner. A young man takes his newborn out of the hospital to save him from adoption. (NR) (2:00) LIFE: Mon. 9 P.M. (CC)

I haven't seen it so I have no idea how anyone in the story will be portrayed or what the final outcome will be. A google of the book it's based on seems like mom is portrayed as the mythical uncaring, I just wanna get on with my life paaaaahty girl.

But I'll give it a five amended birth certificates seal of approval just for that 'saved from adoption' line.

That's a real nice phrase in my book.

Monday, December 3rd, 9:00 PM EST, Lifetime TV

Read more...

Friday, November 30, 2007

Adopted: The New American Family

The trailer is out.




If you haven't seen them already, there are more film clips at their YouTube page.

The film's website: Adopted: The New American Family

I'm hoping that different versions of the trailer will be released; maybe with more of the clips of adoptee's voices.

Does anyone know when in 'early 2008' this will be released, or what the distribution will be? I really want to see this if it's playing in NY.

Read more...

It's a Strange and Mournful day when

  • people refer to a painful loss in your life as beautiful

  • you contemplate the possibility of no one in your family wanting to get to know you

  • you run so hard to keep one step ahead of the pain, you're in a perpetual state of exhaustion

  • you think secretly, all real kids hate you, because they know if they were born at a different time, they could have been erased like you

  • trust is a dirty word

  • the current lead you're working on dad-wise is really nasty

  • you're me





I'm so glad this month is over. Not that it makes much of a difference, come December 1st I'm still a second class citizen, but I'm just so sick and tired of seeing the original purpose of this month take second fiddle to the zipadeedooda ain't adoption grand folks.

When you're on the losing end of adoption, every day is strange and mournful.

Read more...

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Please read this



The National Council for Adoption:

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The Adoption Mystique Award Winning Finalist

PRESS RELEASE
November 2007

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
RES Marketing Alliance
Request a Review Copy
Contact: Reina Santana
863-427-4848

The Adoption Mystique Award Winning Finalist
In the
USA Book News 2007 National Best Books Award

Kissimmee, Fl - November 2007 - On November 1, 2007, USABookNews.com, the premiere online magazine and review website for mainstream and independent publishing houses, announced the winners and finalist of the 2007 National Best Books Awards. Winners and finalists traversed the publishing landscape. They included publishing houses like Simon & Schuster, Penguin-Putnam, HarperCollins, Random House, and McGraw-Hill. Amongst the winners, The Adoption Mystique: A Hard-hitting Exposé of the Powerful Negative Social Stigma that Permeates Child Adoption in the United States was a finalist in the social change category.

Listed as recommended reading by The American Adoption Congress (AAC), The Adoption Mystique, written by Joanne Wolf Small, M. S. W., is a well researched book that questions and challenges the stigma that permeates the many readily accepted and rarely questioned social norms and myths that continue to support adoptee and adoptive family intolerance, and hinder efforts to make positive and healthy changes that would help to bring adoption policy and practice into the 21st century.

Midwest Book Review says, "The Adoption Mystique is not a general book about adoption, but rather a focused, politically-minded call for the civil rights of adoptees" as it "examines bias against adoptees in the media and society." Carrie Craft from About.com Adoption writes, "author Joanne Wolf Small, M.S.W. just doesn't break the adoption myth, she shatters it with her compilation of various research studies, essays, and personal knowledge on the subject of adoption...The Adoption Mystique is respectful and not at all anti-adoption, just pro-truth and openness." It is a useful proven resource for all whose lives have been touched by adoption.

"Your essays are so thoughtful - and so rich in conveying the historical context for adoption in general and the policies and practices surrounding information sharing, in particular, and in conveying the critical psychosocial issues that lie at the heart of adoption. I am certain that your book will be viewed as a critical resource for policy makers and practitioners seeking to better understand adoption." - Madelyn Freundlich, Senior Policy Analyst, and former Executive Director, Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Joanne W. Small, M.S.W is an adopted adult, adoption rights activist, author, and psychotherapist. She was executive director of Adoptees in Search (AIS) and served as the first and only adopted person on the Model Adoption Legislative Procedures and Advisory Panel. Her 30 year professional experience includes a post-adoption clinical practice, clinical supervision, in-service training and seminars, lectures, publications, and interviews with over a thousand adoptive family members. Visit her website at http://www.jwsmall.com/.

###

AdoptionMystiqueCover



The Adoption Mystique: A Hard-hitting Exposé of the Powerful Negative Social Stigma that Permeates Child Adoption in the
United States, Hardcover, $28.95, is available via Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble, and Ingram. To request a review copy please contact Reina Santana at rsantana@resmarketingalliance.com

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Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Tales from the BSE: Improper or Illegal child adoptions cause heartaches, problems

County welfare unit helps deserving couples.

Improper or Illegal child adoptions cause heartaches, problems


New Castle News, New Castle, PA. Friday, November 11, 1966


(EDITOR'S NOTE: This is the fourth and final article in a series about the county Child Welfare Department. It deals with the most controversial of all child welfare topics—adoption. It includes case histories (with names of families altered) of heartbreak and questionable legality that have resulted from "gray market" adoptions in Lawrence County in the recent past. It also tells how local couples can now apply through the reorganized department to receive one of the greatest of possible blessings—an adopted child.)

Adopting a child can and should be a deeply rewarding experience for county couples. The only sadness it should produce is the normal heartache that comes with raising any child: the worry over a child's illness, performance in school or application of discipline. But there are special and deeply sorrowful kinds of heartache reserved for some couples who choose to adopt children in an unapproved way, according to county officials.

The case of the Greyes in Neshannock Township is an example. Mr. and Mrs. Greyes adopted their child through a friend. The friend knew an unmarried girl who was pregnant and made arrangements for the baby to be turned over to the Greyes as soon as it was born. In return, the Greyes agreed to pay the girl's prenatal medical expenses.

The important element the Greyes never considered was a medical and psychological examination for the infant — a standard Child Welfare Department procedure. Six months later, a growing fear of the Greyes' was confirmed in an examination that should have been performed at the baby's birth: their new child was severely retarded.

It has lived in a state institution ever since. And the Greyes have faced the daily doubts common to all parents of retarded children. Had they done the right thing for the child?

Adrian J. Turowski, county Child Welfare director, feels such a situation is not likely when adoptions are made through his department.

Private Adoptions
"Private adoptions (also called independent or gray-market adoptions) are entirely legal," Turowski is careful to point out. "But we are required by law to be more thorough than individuals who arrange for adoptions. We place babies who are offered for adoption in a temporary foster home for three months before they go to their adoptive parents. This prevents any distasteful contact between the natural mother and the adopting couple and it gives us ample time to secure careful medical and psychological checks on the child," he says.

"After the baby goes to his new parents, we must wait six months before we seek final court approval of the adoption. That provides enough time to study the relationship between parents and child." The Child Welfare Department is charged by state law to operate always in the best interests of the child.

This charge is also carried out by painstaking investigations into the background and suitability of couples who apply to adopt a child. Then, an attempt is made to match the expected characteristics and mentality of each child to those of a couple which has applied. The system takes longer than a private placement, but it is cheaper (since the couples do not pay pre-natal care for the natural mother-only a $25 application fee) and it is almost certain to be more successful.

Success of Adoption
The success of an adoption can also depend on its legal aspects. Consider the sad case of Mr. and Mrs. Lynda on the east side. The Lyndas adopted an infant through a doctor in another country. The adoption was made final in court and no snag developed for a year. But then the baby's natural mother came to the house one day and demanded her child's return. The Lyndas were especially alarmed because they were told by a friend of the mother, who had allegedly witnessed her signature to the adoption consent paper, that the young woman had gone onto the West Coast. Now the mother claimed the signature was forged. The woman hired a lawyer, took her case to court, and won return of the baby.

Now, under a new rule for adoptions, the Lawrence County Court adopted last month, a natural mother must appear in court at the adoption hearing for her child and testify that she will forever relinquish parental rights to the child. Only then can adopting parents be protected from seizure of the child, unless the adoption is handled by the Child Welfare Department.

Under state law, signed relinquishment papers secured by a licensed agency and an approved professional worker such as one from the county department will be honored as if they were testimony taken in court from the natural mother.

Laws Complicated
The adoption laws are admittedly complicated, but they are concise and, if carefully obeyed, assure protection for defenseless children. The need for that principle, too, has been demonstrated through failure in Lawrence County.

A tavern keeper with a police record for gambling and his wife applied to adopt a child in 1960. The baby of a local woman was placed in their home and, after the required six-month waiting period, the court was petitioned to make the adoption final.

A former judge asked the former Child Welfare Department direction at the hearing if an investigation into the case had been conducted. He was told “yes”, then asked if the man’s gambling record had been considered. The welfare direction replied that only one conviction had been reported, though court records at the time showed several The judge said he recalled more than one conviction, and added that he would not approve the adoption of the child into the home unless the record improved. Nothing further was done, and now the court record shows several new convictions and arrests.

Investigators from the reorganized Child Welfare Department report observing the child, now six years old, cavorting behind the bar in the tavern. They say the child appears well-kept and happy, but deplore the unfortunate legal status which has left the child with no legitimate family. Department personnel vow that such an indecisive vase will never be repeated.

New Approach
Their new professional approach should be encouraging to local couples considering adoption. Successful results are the rule with the steps that are now followed.

Couples are asked to come into the department offices when they make an appointment to apply. They provide information for a comprehensive form and their names are placed on a waiting list for study. The investigation which follows includes an evaluation of their home, their personal references, their health and finances. If they are approved, they are placed on a second waiting list and the department begins comparing their qualities with those of children who are offered for adoption. Some placements are made within a few
Others take years.

The six month waiting period before adoption is made final is filled with supervisory visits by caseworkers to the home to determine the child’s normal development and to asses his adjustment to his new parents. The parents are probably the key factor to success.

Turowski says, “By this time in the adoption process, we have analyzed the couples, marital status, the reasons they want the child, their flexibility and open-mindedness, their past and present relationships with everyone (including neighbors and fellow church members and employers), their age, health and education, their financial ability to provide for the child and the kind of home they have to offer. If they have passed that grueling examination, they are fairly well assured of success.

Adoption Rules?
Who can adoption children in Lawrence County? A policy statement awaiting final approval now by the county commissioners says nearly any mature couple is eligible. Children under two would not be given to couples over 43, if the policy is approved. And no children could be given to couples under 22 weeks. Couples should be married for 30 months before applying and should live in the county.

“There should be some indication of religious belief on the part of the adoptive parents,” the policy states. “Attempts will be made to match religion.

“No working mother will be given a pre-school child. Applications for inter-racial placement will be accepted.”

The least statement leads to an interesting revelation from Turowski. He says seven children from other areas of the country will have been placed in county homes before the year is done – including three American Indian children. Two white, inter-racial children are now waiting adoption, he adds. He hopes some local couples will be moved to ask for them.

The final statement in the policy declares, significantly, “No dealings between the natural parents and the adoptive parents are allowed under penalty of removing the child from the home.”

Read more...

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Tales from the BSE - CAS helps ease mothers' torment

CAS helps ease mothers' torment
The Pocono Record - Tuesday, October 12, 1965 - Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania

Our society makes the unwed mother distraught with shame in order to protect the family structure. Your Community Chest gift can help with adoption of the children, and with setting the mother back on her feet.

STROUDSBURG — A 17-year old high school girl finds herself pregnant- She is unmarried, and her parents are very upset and hurt by the discovery. What can she do?

Charles Jones, director of the Monroe County Children's Aid Society, said that many girls with this problem find help through the Children's Aid Society. The CAS is a Community Chest agency.

He reported that last year there were eight cases of this type that came to the Monroe County society office in Stroudsburg.

The Children's Aid Society can arrange for the girl to receive prenatal care, and have her baby delivered at the Booth Memorial Hospital in Philadelphia. The Booth Hospital is a Salvation Army maternity home and hospital, which is available for the referral of unwed mothers from other service organizations such as the Children's Aid Society.

Jones said that there is usually a waiting list for admittance to the Salvation Army hospital. Then, said Jones, "We talk with the girl and her family before the child is 'born, and establish a working relationship with them."

Adoption procedure
When, as in most of the cases Jones handled last year, the young mother does not wish to keep the baby, arrangements are made for her to relinquish it for adoption outside Monroe County.

After the infant has been born Children's Aid workers take it from the hospital to a pre-adopt which at time the legal responsitivie study home. (yeah I know that doesn't read right, that's the way it scanned.)

"We continue working with the girl toward securing a legal relinquishment of the child, at which time the legal responsibilities and rights of the mother are turned over to our agency," Jones said. "Later we can place the child in a final adoption home through our regional adoption program."

He said that when a couple applies for adoption of a child, the baby is first placed in the new home, under supervision of the Children's Aid Society, for six months. Only after the six month's trial is the adoption made final. 'During that time a regional adoption staff tries to discover how stable the husband and the wife are as individuals, and as a couple. 'We are interested in the atmosphere in the home," he said, "and their relationship to other couples, and to their work.

"Every couple is different, even in its reasons for wanting a child. "Normally we favor couples who have been married from three to five years, and who are over 21 years-old." He said that there is no financial requirement for couples wanting to adopt a child. "The income level is not important as much as is the way in which a family handles the money it has- Again, we are interested in stability."

Jones said that not all children born to unmarried girls are given up for adoption. Decision is mother's "The decision is always up to the girl," he said, "and to her parents when the mother is a minor."

"We try to point out the problem if she does keep it, to inform and prepare her better." He said that sometimes girls believe that if they and the father of their child marry, they will solve the problem, "but sometimes this just compounds the problem."

Read more...

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Atypical Mole Syndrome

If I could:

straighten my curly hair
and dye it a different color.
Have laser surgery on my eyes
or get tinted contact lenses.

Get a nose job
and throw in a jaw job too.
Braces to correct
that one crooked tooth.

The moles on my neck removed,
the ones on my arms too.
What the hell, get rid of the ones on my back
and my legs. I always hated them.

Would I stop looking in the mirror
and trying to figure out
which one of you gave me these things?

If by reinventing myself
I could erase them all,
the way she erased me,
could I possibly stop loving them
as irrationally as I do?

Two new biopsies done.
They're painless and quick.
Two less family heirlooms.
Anesthetized, incised,
cauterized and bandaged.

The scars they leave behind
look like faint cigarette burns.
After a while, they fade to white.

Read more...

Monday, November 19, 2007

And that's that.

I took the week off from work to get the house ready for the Thanksgiving migration. But so far have not done one bit of house readying stuff.

This morning I was all emotional and weepy.

I wrote three unsent letters to my mother and deleted all three immediately after writing.

And then I read this, so I sent this to the library branch closest to my mom's house.

Not that I think she'll see it, mind you. If she's anything like me, she's been banned for failure to return overdue books. I'm a wanted woman by librarians in many states.

But someone will. And they need it too. The Philadelphia library has like 50 branches, but only 3 copies of the book in the entire system. Now that's scary.

So even if my mom never sees it, someone will. Maybe a mom like mine.

Maybe it will make a difference in someone's life.

I'll tell you though, I'd really like it if someone would make a difference in mine.

This just sucks.

But anyway I can tell you it did make me feel a little better. Just a little. So, thanks Cookie for that post.









Read more...

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Wow

Yanno, when I'm wrong, I'm really, really wrong.

A while back a made a wishful little musing in comments that because of the gobs of funding and attention 23andMe was getting, the consumer release might be reasonably priced.

Ha.
Ha. Ha.
Ha. Ha. Ha.
ahahhaahahahahahahhahahahahahahhaahaha

Whoops.

So 23andMe will be for really, really lucky bastards.

Not even so much as free shipping or a $10.00 off coupon code if you fall into the "I don't have any medical history and my mom won't talk to me" category either.







Read more...

Scary things about adoption #11: How do your parents feel about you reading my blog?

Is it a coincidence that on hip hip happy happy National Adoption Day, I had one of the most groundbreaking, earth shattering, soul-killing, eyes blinding, hide under the covers and even one tiny sound makes my ears bleed migraine of my life?

I think not.

I have a migraine hangover now, the kind where the migraine is gone but there is this weird outline of where the pain was. I also feel like my head is full of cotton. But at least the pain is gone.

The only thing worse than hip hip happy happy National Adoption Day is the fact that it leads up to my least favorite time of the year, the grand trifecta of all family events, the unholy trinity of Thanksgiving/XMas/New Years.

I love my in-laws so much, but I hate this time of year.

Here's a new video blogger on YouTube, vlogging about adoption. He only has two up right now but I'm hoping there will be more. Vlogging is cool, you get to see the person behind the ingratitude. I'd never do it. I hate my face and my voice.

Anyway the first one is something that really irritates the hell out of me, and that's the old "How do your adoptive parents feel about you searching?" It's pretty damn scary to me to think that people think it's ok to ask someone in their 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's, whatever, how their parents feel about them doing something.

It scares me because it undermines that forever child view in people's eyes.

And you know what, there's no good way to answer that too.

Why don't you ask them?
Too evasive.

Why do you ask?
Too defensive, oooh scary, angry adoptee.

My adoptive parents support me entirely.
Yeah, it's ok then, I've just re-established myself as a forever child. Can't say that.

On the surface she's supportive but then she'll withhold vital information and throw in zingers and invalidation because it triggers her defensiveness and insecurity as a woman and a mother.
There's the truth that I'll never say.

It would be fun to go around asking real kids how their parents feel about them doing something for a day, just to see their expressions. Maybe I'll do that on Thanksgiving. It would give me at least one reason to look forward to Thursday. God I hate holidays.






Direct link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TeQLFD9-j3o

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Friday, November 16, 2007

Two new BSE resources online

First, via Adoptese comes news that as of October, Wikipedia now has a Baby Scoop Era entry.

Second, via Celeste:

New Organization to Probe Adoption Abuses

The Baby Scoop Era Research Initiative, also known as BSERI, was founded in October 2007 by two mothers, Karen Wilson-Buterbaugh and Barbara Franks-Morra. Both lost newborns to adoption during this period.

Franks-Morra explained that maternity homes radically changed after 1945. As social workers took over management from altruistic religious organizations, homes that had once sheltered single mothers and prepared them to raise their children began instead to promote closed, stranger adoption.

Wilson-Buterbaugh stated, “The social work profession brought a psychological bias to their work with single mothers. They introduced the untested notion that single mothers were ‘neurotic’ and could be cured by taking their babies. This idea radically altered the outcomes for single mothers during this period. These practices persisted through 1972, when the number of domestic adoptions began to drop dramatically.”

“These homes, which were sometimes little more than reformatories, often used coercive practices such as shaming, blaming, and removing or withholding babies from new mothers to force adoptions. Mothers were then told to ‘go on with their lives’ as if nothing had happened. Obviously this was impossible for most of them.”

Franks-Morra said, “We demand acknowledgement of the historical truth surrounding past adoption practices in the United States. We demand recognition for the millions of women who were systematically denied their inalienable right to raise their infant sons and daughters.”

“The Baby Scoop Era has become a footnote in American social history, except to the mothers who survived these practices. These women have carried into their adult lives burdens of worry, grief, pain and a corrosive secret. The lifelong consequences of these forced adoptions are still operating in the lives of millions of American women.”

For more information, www.babyscoopera.com or email bseri@babyscoopera.com

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Thursday, November 15, 2007

Got Records?





Direct link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJ1r8o9NwA8

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Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Tama Janowitz, let me introduce you to

yourself, as seen through the eyes of google:

Way to go!


You don’t care, right? You’re a big girl. You’re rubber; we’re glue, blah blah blah.

But here’s the bit that you overlooked.

Your daughter.

Who, if she’s anything like my kids were, is probably pretty darn internet savvy. And if she’s not, chances are, one of her friends is.

I made a little post a while back about kids and ego surfing. Kids not only ego surf themselves, they surf their friends names too. Just out of idle curiosity, sometimes out of less than idol curiosity.

Way to go.

I don’t know your daughter, so I can’t speak for her. All I can speak is for me, and how I felt about my adoptive mom. I spent a lot of time being pissed at my adoptive mom at Willow’s age. Sometimes justified, sometimes not so justified.

But here’s the rub: no matter what I said about her, no one else could. If anyone said anything about her, my defenses were up. In spite of arguing, I loved her. And I also tried my hardest to identify with her, to the point of over-identifying with her, because that’s what some adoptive kids do. So if someone said boo about my adoptive mom, it hurt, it hurt so bad. Even if someone said boo about my adoptive mom about something that she said or did that was wrong.

My mom sometimes said things about adoption that hurt me. I wouldn’t call her on it. I’d act out in other passive aggressive ways, I might have saved it up and thrown out a "not my real mom" comment to her a few weeks down the road, but to expose the rawest, most vulnerable part of myself, even if I didn’t have the words to know what that even meant, would have been forbidden. And I wasn’t supposed to hurt at the things she said. If she said something, and I reacted in any way other than the way she thought I was supposed to react, then I was the one who was wrong. So I learned to react the way she expected me to.

Why? Because I loved her.

So someday, maybe it’s already happened, maybe it will happen tomorrow, or next month, or next year, Willow will read all this, and will hurt. Because you’re one of her moms, and people are calling you an asshole.

I spend a lot of time looking through old newspaper archives of the ‘60s and ‘70s. And I can say now, as a 44 year old woman, if I came across an article written by my adoptive mom saying something half as assholeish as the statement you made, and then came across oodles of letters to the editor saying my mom was a complete and total moron, it would still hurt me. Even if she wrote something outrageous. Even if I agreed 100% with what every letter to the editor said – it would tear at my heart.

Why? Because I love her. And to her face I might just defend her and dismiss her critics, while hating myself for lying.

Validating her feelings on adoption was very high on my list of priorities, even when I acted to the contrary.

Yeah even now, I’m ashamed to say, I might just lie to her and not tell her my true feelings. My feelings aren’t her feelings, and therefore they are wrong.

One of the many gifts of adoption.

So you and the New York Times can go ahead and and refuse to publish the comments of adult adoptees. We’re used to it, especially with the condescending attitude of upper class liberals who smile when they stab us in the back, or tell us to get a sense of humor. God we’re so sensitive, can’t we take a joke?

Here are some jokes:

How many New York adopter assholes does it take to screw over their daughter for the sake of their ego and career?

Why did the clueless entitled white woman who grew up in a family of her own race, knowing her own culture and roots, cross the road?

Knock knock
Who's there?
Hero rescuer adopter in search of non-fetal-alcohol-at-risk baby
Hero rescuer adopter in search of non-fetal-alcohol-at-risk baby who?

I don’t have a punch line though. But that’s OK; maybe you can make one up at the expense of your daughter and her country. That’s what real moms do, right?


Read more...

Prayer for Truth



Thank you, Celeste




Direct link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ly6VFu4Ymaw

There are some familiar faces here.

Please do the whole YouTube Triad thing - rate, favorite and comment?

Thanks.


Credits for Prayer for Truth


"Prayer for Truth"
from The Mothers Project

"Prayer for Truth" and "Celeste's mother, Marcella"
©Celeste Billhartz www.themothersproject.com

"Little Joe"
©Joe Soll www.adoptionhealing.com

"Karen and Michelle Renee" & "Karens's senior photo"
©Karen Wilson Buterbaugh www.geocities.com/karenwb2001

"Salvation Army officer consoling unmarried mother"
©Salvation Army Archives and Research Center www.salvationarmyusa.org


Media production by Storytellers Media Group, LTD
www.storytellersmediagroup.com

Bring The Mothers Project to your area!
contact: celeste@themothersproject.com
www.themothersproject.com

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