Monday, January 29, 2007

Your politics and insecurities do not concern me

Dear Adamantly Pro-Choice or Pro-Life Friend, Family Member, Acquaintance, Co-worker or Blog Commenter:

Would you please keep your politics to yourself when it comes to matters of my adoption? I honestly don’t care. I don’t force you to listen to my views on abortion, so why is the fact that I’m adopted raison d'être for you to bore me with yours?

I don’t wish to hear how lucky I am that I wasn’t “aborted and thrown in a dumpster” (actual comment). Nor do I wish to hear you drone on about the restrictions women lived in before Roe vs. Wade. I’m living proof of that, thank you.

Please keep these things to yourself. By all means post your own opinions on your own blog. That is your right and I support you with all of my heart.




Dear Newly Adoptive Parents or Loving Couple in Search of Baby to Adopt:

I am so glad you’ve taken the time to read endless books and take endless seminars on how to raise an adopted child. But please keep the crap about my own adopted parents to yourself. I don’t want to listen to you try to ward off your own insecurities by comparing yourself to them. I don’t want to hear about how you’ve “educated” yourself so that your precious little vanity accessory won’t be angry like me.

Here’s what you’re afraid of, and here is where I’m going to make all your wildest fears come true. Deep down, you are honestly a very good person. And you are terrified that you are going to have a child you love experience pain. As a parent, I’m here to tell you the sorry truth: your child will hurt, and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. Your child will hurt, not only from the adoption, but from the million and one other things that can and do happen during the course of a lifetime. You can’t keep them safe, no matter how many books you read. And no matter if your adoption is open or closed, local or international, your child will hurt for his or her first mom for the rest of their natural life.

Deal with it.

9 complaints from ingrates:

Rebecca January 30, 2007 at 1:31 AM  

***clapping loudly***

Very well said. I found you through LeRoy and like what you have to say. I'm adopted. I've spent the last 10 years figuring out how to exist peacefully while in reunion. Look forward to reading more of your blog. :)
Rebecca

Ungrateful Little Bastard January 30, 2007 at 7:44 AM  

Rebecca thank you so much! Yours was one of the first adoption blogs I found when I started reading them last week.
~Theresa

suz January 30, 2007 at 1:20 PM  

I don’t want to hear about how you’ve “educated” yourself so that your precious little vanity accessory won’t be angry like me.
OMG, I loved this line. Great blog.

Third Mom January 30, 2007 at 8:36 PM  

I'm an adoptive parent who knows nothing but is listening. I can tell I'm going to like what you have to say.

Ungrateful Little Bastard January 30, 2007 at 9:24 PM  

Oh Third Mom thank you so much!
~Theresa

petunia January 30, 2007 at 11:25 PM  

There are adoptees out there that do feel loved and accepted...I am one. I think it's what helps me ne a better adopted mom.

Ungrateful Little Bastard February 8, 2007 at 9:20 PM  

Petunia hon I am so sorry I didn't see this before. I'm still getting used to this whole blogging thing and trying to work out a schedule. And failing, of course.

My parents adopted another baby girl four years after they got me. I know my sister says she never had any issues with feeling weird. That always made me feel evem weirder! I'll be by to check out your blog. Thanks for stopping by.

abebech February 13, 2007 at 10:04 AM  

I'm just catching up with you, but you're absolutely right:
"Your child will hurt, not only from the adoption, but from the million and one other things that can and do happen during the course of a lifetime."
You're right that this is the scariest thing about parenting, and you're right that we need to know that we take that on.

Ungrateful Little Bastard February 18, 2007 at 12:13 PM  

It is the scariest thing. You never realize it until you have children how their hurts wound you. And what a powerless feeling that is.

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