Sunday, March 25, 2007

Husband hair

My sister yells at me. She says I have husband hair.

She says husband hair is when women my age still bother with the time and trouble of having long hair. She says the only reason why we do it is because men like it. She says men like seeing women with long hair spread out across pillows, and we with husband hair are going through a lot of pointless trouble just to make men happy. She says it’s too hard to have long hair, and I should just cut it short or at least shoulder length. She says don’t I do enough during the day; why do I have to spend so much time on long hair, just for a man?

I say when you are skinny and beautiful and have straight blond hair and boobs the size of my sister’s, it’s really easy to talk about not going out of your way for men.

I never thought of it as husband hair. I just thought of it as my hair. I like long hair. Also, when one tends to be pear shaped, one tends to shy away from short hair. It makes me look like a triangle. Triangles are bad.

There is a drawback to it though.

It gets really tangled in the back because it’s so curly. Then if I am short on time in the morning, it’s easy to put it up in a professional bun and hide a tangle or two and tell myself I’ll work on it that night. But if I wind up working late, by the time I get to bed I’m too tired to work on it, so the tangle gets just a little bigger. It becomes a cycle of buns and exhaustion, and the tangle grows.

Also too there are the periods of adoptive malaise. Adoptive malaise is a disease that comes when work is done and all the kids are gone, and I find myself not answering to calls of “Mom!” or “T!” all day. Adoptive malaise often happens on weekends and vacations. Without someone else’s needs to attend to, it is a requirement that I curl on the couch in a fetal position and sleep all day long. If you sleep all day long with your hair in a bun because you’ve been ignoring a tangle, that just makes things worse. The adoptive malaise lifts, but the tangle remains.

Sometimes the adoptive malaise is so heavy the only way I can tell I’m in it is by the tangle. I need to reach around the back of my head to tell if I’m depressed. Then the tangle depresses me more, because it’s so huge I can’t figure out how to get rid of it.

Occasionally the tangle is in a place where I can’t reach, and I need my husband to work on it for me. The tangle isn’t his fault or his responsibility, but sometimes he can get to the places I can’t. Other times I can’t find my way out of adoptive malaise, so I work on the tangle instead. Detangling usually takes a few nights. Then when I find the tangle is gone, the depression goes away with it.

All of this tangled hair talk is true but it’s also full of symbolism and metaphor because I’m just that deep.

16 complaints from ingrates:

Andie D. March 25, 2007 at 5:55 PM  

I have long hair too. Maybe it IS "husband hair"; haven't given it that much thought. Of course I do not want to cut it until/unless I'm back to pre-pregnancy weight. HA! ROFL!

I can tell how I'm feeling by my hair too. Mine is naturally wavy, but looks like hell unless I blow it dry. Not curly enough for the wash & go look. Ever.

When I'm in the Adoption Malaise period, I have a tendency to wash & go. Not exactly pretty. But I just don't care. Pony tail too.

suz March 25, 2007 at 9:34 PM  

medium length but growing longer. for no other reason than it looks better on me. interesting analogy though.

and yeah, adoption malaise.


Doughnut March 26, 2007 at 5:18 AM  

I get the metaphor even if I don't have long hair or much on top anymore *sigh*

Unknown March 26, 2007 at 2:24 PM  

I can't believe your sister knows about husband hair, I thought I was the only one...

I try to keep my hair short, I have a theory that it makes people take me more seriously.

Lainey-Paney March 26, 2007 at 4:05 PM  

Well tell her....
I'm stuck with long hair.
always will be.
It's either long hair or bald.
I have alopecia areata, and my hair falls out in big freakin' chunks. so, I have to keep my hair long to cover the spots as they come up.
If you ever see me rockin' a side ponytail...just know---it's that or a wig.

So, I would say that 28 (my age) is not too old for long hair...but some day, when I am older....if I heard her say that I had "husband hair"...I'd probably make her hush pretty quickly when I started showing my spots!

Okay...that's my rant about long hair.

Possum March 26, 2007 at 6:54 PM  

* sigh *
I get it.

Ungrateful Little Bastard March 26, 2007 at 7:22 PM  

It kind of baffled me Andie. I never thought about it as hair for him. It was just my hair. And I don't know where she gets this pillow nonsense either. My hair is in a braid before bed.

I like your hair Suz in your pictures Suz.

Ha-ha you know what Lee, I've been losing some on top myself, which is where the curls and the bun come in good to hide it.

Joy I do the up in a bun thing when I go into the office or on the road for the same reason.

Lainey how long have you had alopecia? I'll admit I knew nothing so I had to google it.

Possum you get it because you're DEEP like me ;)

magicfingers March 26, 2007 at 10:18 PM  

I think thay saying just comes from the fact that most men like girls with long hair. So they assume women keep the long hair and put up with it cause their husband like it.
As for the knotted hair in the back, no matter what length, I have always heard that was a sex knot. :)

Ungrateful Little Bastard March 26, 2007 at 10:31 PM  

aaaaaaaaaaa! ok that's one term I never heard before. No, I swear. I never heard that term. Stop looking at me like that, I'm telling the truth!

And Suz why did I write your name twice in the comment above, Suz?

Unknown March 26, 2007 at 10:42 PM  

I think you said Suz twice because Suz is fun to say because of the uz.

You have to have great hair to have long hair, those of us with thin hair can't have it so we say things like husband hair

Lizard March 27, 2007 at 2:25 PM  

I am pear-shaped too, and yes I use my hair to balance the picture (since I have no boobs). However, I am divorced, and MY "husband hair" has not been efficacious in snagging a new one (surely the neon sign on my forehead saying "Don't EVEN go there has nothing to do with it).

At least you can hide your tangle in a bun. Mine is not THAT long, but it is very thick, wirey and wavy. I think like 79 cows licked my head at birth simultaneously - from 74 different angles.

"Adoption malaise" makes me get a pixie cut once in a while 'cause I can't deal with the cowlicks. When the Adoption Malaise lifts, I realize I look like a pear which makes me hate my natural parents for making me that way, and the Adoption Malaise starts all over again.

Could adoptee issues really be all about hair? Crap. So all this time I've been on a wild goose chase.

Ungrateful Little Bastard March 27, 2007 at 4:14 PM  

Yeah Joy but when you have thin hair you can blow it into Farrah Fawcett wings and not get called brillo head in the 7th grade

Julie you are so awesome you kill me. Yes, it's all about the hair, that's it. If we can cure the split ends, we can cure it all. See? See? I'm doing metaphor again! Did you see it? I'm soooooooo witty.

angel March 27, 2007 at 8:20 PM  

Triangles are bad for me too.

I am currently growing my hair, and it will be the desired length in a few more months I hope!

I don't have a husband, but hey, the long hair might just do the trick!

Ungrateful Little Bastard March 28, 2007 at 3:00 PM  

Good luck with the growing angel, but watch out for the tangles :)

Anonymous,  March 29, 2007 at 5:30 PM  

I read some of your blog and laughed (in a good way). I'm definitely single and have hair almost down to my waist. If it helps me to attract men, well, I would hate to see my love life with short hair. ;)

To be serious, though, some people look ridiculous with short hair. As you correctly note with buns, it's sometimes a lot easier to have long hair... and yeah, if you're a babe, who cares what your hair looks like? For some of us, it's our best feature - why cut it off?

Ungrateful Little Bastard April 3, 2007 at 5:37 PM  

thanks theobromophile .. and for some of us (er, me!), long hair is our ONLY good feature ;)

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