Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Not. Surprised.


I cut out my last name, address, and the name of the sincerely regretful author because:

  • I don't want any of you crazy adoptees showing up on my front door
  • Somebody might kill me
  • Or my family
  • Or my pets
  • Mothers across the country would commit suicide
  • Hundreds of abortions would suddenly be performed
  • Or babies would be thrown in dumpsters
  • It would break my mother's heart
  • It would ruin my mother's life
  • My unknown half siblings would suddenly be destroyed and devastated
  • Whomever that dad guy is might have to put me in his will
  • Yet another Lifetime movie would have to be made: Regretfully Sincere: The Stalking of Theresa, starring Brooke Shields as Theresa and Kathy Bates as Likely Suspect #8. (Kathy Bates is a little too young to be a real Likely Suspect, but I love her so much anyway I threw her in there. I actually think she does look like me... hmmmm... I may rethink that too young bit. She could be lieing about her date of birth. Kathy, where were you in 1963?)

Hey, this is the kind of stuff that happens when adoption records are opened or confidentiality is revealed. I just can't take that kind of responsibility.

I believe the author is both regretful and sincere. I have to. I have to believe she would love to handle more than 3 to 5 reunions a year.

I have to believe she sincerely regrets not being able to do more.

Right?

Right?

I have to believe only good things about her. After all, she knows me intimately. She knows my truth. She reviewed my file.

Oh well. I can try again next year. It's only $4. Right?

One response done, one to go. Let's see what the good old county says. How much you wanna bet they tell me to write to Vital Records? Bets are being placed, get yours in early.

21 complaints from ingrates:

mia,  April 4, 2007 at 2:57 PM  

Pardon me while I scream...

AAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH.

Julie April 4, 2007 at 3:23 PM  

Aaarrrrgggghhhh indeed!

Have you tried to get any "real kids" born in the same place to request the same information - just to find out if they get the same response. I didn't see anywhere in that regretful letter that they mentioned this applies only to adopted kids.

Julie April 4, 2007 at 3:30 PM  

Oops. Looked again. Sigh. I guess it was just wishful thinking.

Erin April 4, 2007 at 4:19 PM  

I say we start a collection. Everybody who reads your blog or knows you sends you four dollars and you BOMBARD the hell out of them until they are just sick and tired of you and finally give you the damn information!

Fucking adoption laws.

Shit, I'm a Christian I'm not suppossed to say Fuck.

Oh Where do I send my four dollars?

bijou April 4, 2007 at 4:22 PM  

Theresa,
this sucks! When your mother was screaming in labor- did she remember to file a birth parent identifier? I mean, duhhh, who doesnt know that they have to fill out the Birth Parent Registration Form? I mean I'm sure all adoption agency social workers will remind the childs parents to fill these out.....

bijou

abebech April 4, 2007 at 4:26 PM  

I do believe she regrets it. How could she not? She knows who her parents are AND she knows who yours are. Her job must suck.

Your list of potential consequences is both funny and sad. I am so so sorry.

Probably even all of our four dollarses won't do it. So how can we make sure everyone knows they need to fill out that damned registration form?!

And why should both have to release for you to have information on either? This makes no sense to me.

BethGo April 4, 2007 at 5:18 PM  

What about Non-id. Did they at least give you that?

Jamie April 4, 2007 at 6:02 PM  

I'll send in 4 bucks as well. Erin, count me in.

I'm sorry Theresa.

Jamie

Possum April 4, 2007 at 6:10 PM  

FUCK.
What a complete and utter load of CROCK.
I would bet that no biological parents have EVER been asked to fill in these forms.
And BOTH parents - of come on.
Mostly they leave out the biological father in ALL decisions or documents - but here they say he MUST also lodge the bloody forms.
OH MY GOD - the powers that be in adoption-land are seriously deluded - and have NO compassion for ADOPTED HUMAN BEINGS.
This is NOT right.
This makes me so bloody bloody angry. (see - I used two bloody's - this means I'm really worked up....)
I'm so sorry you have to jump through impossible hoops Theresa - hoops that you have no idea of - or their location - or how high they are placed - or if they even bloody exist.
FUCK.

Possum April 4, 2007 at 6:11 PM  

OOPS - in my rant - I oops-ed.....
I meant
And BOTH parents - OH come on.

MomEtc. April 4, 2007 at 6:56 PM  

This is so absolutely wrong. I'd want to strangle that woman....that or offer a bribe (not that you should have to).

These laws have to change. I'm so sorry you are going through this crap.

Ungrateful Little Bastard April 4, 2007 at 7:04 PM  

You fuckers really know how to make bastard feel good. Thank you.

Thank you for all the screams and swears. I'm sorry I upset you. Just clooose your eyesssss and picture a nice soothing movie of judges looking at file folders, while 'da do do do, da da da da, is all I want to say to you' plays as a soundtrack. That'll turn those frowns upside down!

Just as a quickie primer on PA laws, and there will be a test, what Vital Statistics got was a package containing:

a notarized application for the mutual consent registry,

a notarized copy of my drivers license

four buckeraoonies

a notarized waiver of confidentiality

a notiarized request for my nonidentifying information

a notarized request for my identifying information

By law, no matter what I send, this form letter is all she is allowed to send out as a response, if there are no consent forms in the file. I believe this form has been in use since the 80's. I know when I went to post this on my PA mailing list, I found someone else's post from 1999 with the exact same wording, so I just forwarded his to save time when I posted to the list.

She can only give me the original birth certificate if both parents have filed forms. If one parent has filed a form, then she can send me a letter with their contact information, but I still could not get the original certificate.

The non identifying and identifying information forms were overkill as she's not allowed to give that, but I sent 'em anyway. Non identifying information in my county can only be released by decision of the county Orphan's Court. They got their package at the same time last month, but they don't work as fast as Vital stats. I need to wait at least another 4-6 months to hear back from them.

OK Law class is over. Back to fucking around.

I don't know her personally but from what I've read, she does care. She is just bound by the laws of the state. There have been many positive things posted about her on my list, but unless she wants to get fired or worse, she's bound by the laws of PA.

As far as getting the word out on the state registries and rules... I'd have to take a peek over at the RegDay sites. I know the focus of each RegDay group is on ISSR but I'm not sure if they get the word out about state rules at each event. I need to check on that.

Again, fucking thank you.

Mom2One April 4, 2007 at 9:16 PM  

Ah, Theresa, you didn't upset us. The damn assinine laws of the fucking state of PA upset us. And I don't want to be calmed down, heh! This stuff deserves our rage, yanno?

Erika April 4, 2007 at 10:15 PM  

if i didnt have my kid at home with me, i would offer to break in and steal it for ya.

Fuckers eh..

;o)

Third Mom April 4, 2007 at 10:44 PM  

This sucks royally, Theresa. Damn.

I'm wondering something that's related, but a little OT: Do you think it's possible that there are first parents who don't know that they need to sign the registration form? I'm asking because I'm curious if the states do anything at all to make sure first parents know their rights, since laws change and people may not be aware of all the changes.

I ask because I wonder how many reunions are thwarted because people just don't know the law - a double travesty, so to speak. The thought of it makes me ill.

Paula O. April 4, 2007 at 11:55 PM  

Unbelievable. Absolutely unbelievable. Screaming loud and clear in rage and angst from the midwest, too.

I'm so sorry Theresa.

angel April 5, 2007 at 12:49 AM  

Totally sucks. We have it a bit easier here in Australia, but it still restricts some information dependent on what veto's etc, are in place.

I wish I knew how things could be changed. Many of these laws and the neanderthal-like ways of thinking need to be addressed. I wonder what the Human Rights Commissions of our contries have to say. I must investigate..

Ungrateful Little Bastard April 5, 2007 at 11:23 AM  

Margie you've hit the nail on the head, and I'm going to try to keep this short because I've been going on too long in my comment replies recently LOL. But the fact that these registres and procedures are totally unknown is a large problem. If you don't have internet access, you won't know about them. It's that simple. The states do absolutely nothing to make people aware of the laws. And even if you DO have internet access, if you don't know where to look or dont have a support group, you're out of luck.

Thank you VERY MUCH everyone. Your rage is deeply appreciated.

kim.kim April 5, 2007 at 3:49 PM  

They probably have no idea this form exists let alone know that if they fill it out you can find them.

Why can't they find them and contact them or just give your their names for fucks sake.

How fucking ridiculous.

Ungrateful Little Bastard April 5, 2007 at 9:21 PM  

Because that would be the fucking noble thing to do, silly wabbit! My identity is a state secret sshhhhhh....

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