Monday, June 11, 2007


Four What’s

1.) What the letter said:

Dear K-,

We have not seen each other since October 12, 1963 but I have thought about you frequently through the years.

At the time we knew each other you were K.- M.- and my name became Theresa H-. My married name now is Theresa D.- and I live with my husband in Long Island, NY. I have an incredible son and four wonderful stepkids.

I have thought for many, many years about writing to you or calling you, but was unsure if you would wish me to. I do so hope you would wish to be in contact – I would be thrilled to speak with you or receive a letter from you. In trying to decide how to contact you, I felt perhaps you would prefer a letter as opposed to a phone call to give you some time to think. It’s been so many years!

My contact information is below.

My home address is: blah blah.

My phone number is blah blah

I work for (insert white collar sweatshop here) out of my home office, so I am home most weekdays. I travel frequently for business, but when I am on the road I do get paged immediately if I have a voicemail. The only time when I’m usually not home is on weekends, but I’m back by Sunday evenings.

I hope this letter finds you well, and that you would wish to renew contact.

Warm regards,

2.) What my cool husband said:

No matter what her reaction, you have to believe you did her a favor. Even though you didn't come out and say these things, in between the lines of your letter, you let her know that

- you're alive
- you feel warmly towards her
- you're happy
- you're successful

Even if she wants nothing to do with you, she had to be at least wondering about those four things.

3.) What I dreamt:

I dreamt I was going to the beach, and I had a baby. There was a sign on the beach that said NO BABIES ON BEACH WITHOUT PERMIT. So I went into the beach office to get a permit for the baby. There was a really long line at the permit office and then when I finally did get to the front of the line, they were really confused because they couldn’t find the baby permit papers. Then a lady in the office was mad at me because it was a really hot day and I had kept a baby in the car all that time. And I said, no, it’s OK, I’ve got the baby in a cooler on ice.

4.) What I’m going to do next.

Cool it for a while. Or at least I’m going to try.

19 complaints from ingrates:

suz June 11, 2007 at 10:12 AM  

wow. i agree with your husband. you were very kind to her. i hope it is returned. baby on ice? wow again. and cooling it for a while? if you manage that, please tell me how to do it. two years into a pretty stale reunion and i am still all hot and bothered by it. i could use some advice on how to play it cool (Oh, i do with her...but inside I am going bananas on a regular basis)

Anonymous,  June 11, 2007 at 10:24 AM  

Your husband definitely is cool. Not to mention pretty smart. But don't tell him I said that because I know how husbands can be if they get a big head.

All the best in trying to cool it. I'm sure it's much easier said than done.

Your letter is wonderful.

Going Back to Square One June 11, 2007 at 10:27 AM  

Oh, your husband said some wonderful things. He sounds awesome.

That was a great letter. I really hope you get the response you're hoping for, even if you're not sure what it is right now.


Anonymous,  June 11, 2007 at 11:12 AM  

your husband is a very wise man. I love your letter and hope you hear a warm reply soon.

(a long time lurking mom)

Anonymous,  June 11, 2007 at 11:54 AM  

Holy dream analysis Batman!!!! Eeee gads. We would have had fun with that one on the phone. lol

Hang in there girl. Watch mindless movies (NOT on Lifetime) for distraction.

I'm gonna' keep checking back. I'm here if you want to talk.

Anonymous,  June 11, 2007 at 12:27 PM  

The letter was beautiful, Theresa.

I know I've said this before, so I hate to sound like a broken record (or a skipping CD to those younger folk out there!), but I'm thinking of you. . . I can only imagine what an emotional roller coaster this is right now and the flurry of intense emotions that you've been bombarded with.

Sending big hugs and good thoughts.


Anonymous,  June 11, 2007 at 1:01 PM  

The letter is beautiful and honest, and your husband's got a good head on his shoulders.

Best Wishes to you. and lots of ((hugs)).

abebech June 11, 2007 at 2:00 PM  

That's a beautiful letter, Theresa. How hard it must have been to write it, and now, to wait.
I too am thinking of you.

Anonymous,  June 11, 2007 at 2:30 PM  

Keeping my fingers crossed for you...

Newlyorphaned June 11, 2007 at 7:27 PM  

Hey Kiddo,

That's a wonderful letter. This is the hardest part of the whole search. I remember running to the mail box daily and to the phone everytime it rang. There's more to my story which I will share later if need be. For now just hang on and hang in there!

Still Born June 12, 2007 at 12:52 AM  

When you say 'cool it', is 'it' referring to your baby?


I kid.

Your husband is right.

Unknown June 12, 2007 at 2:32 PM  

well i just wanted to share with you that im seeing my grandfather and his wife tomorrow.

my mother has been in reunion with her father for 7 years now.

he lost his two children to the child welfare system because he was on his own in the late 50's.
we dont really speak about the past. and he did refuse contact at first.

i dont think first parents ever forget the children they lose. i think with every generation ppl deal with it differently.

with our reunion, sharing emails and photos and visiting once a year has been enough space for all.
when we tried to get all together it was a disaster.

it really does take time. but lowering expectations and giving permission for others to take the space they need is vital.

Possum June 12, 2007 at 10:20 PM  

Great letter.
Great husband.
Just checking in - my 'puter isn't working - well it's the modem - should be back online next week.
Thinking of you.
Poss. xxx

3rd generation adoption June 13, 2007 at 11:38 AM  

Good luck on your response. As an adoptee of an adoptee - both who reunited in our late teens and early twenties - Going for it is the only way!

Anonymous,  June 13, 2007 at 1:36 PM  

I say go ahead and call her.

Anonymous,  June 14, 2007 at 8:02 PM  

Thanks for sharing something so personal like the FIRST LETTER TO YOUR MOM!! You do this all with such grace... your letter, your humor. I just wish you the best with all this.

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