Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Daydreams

I’m taking a lunch break from an amazingly boring class on managing virtual teams. I’m at a section on avoiding daydreaming in virtual team members and laughing my butt off, because all I’ve been doing in this class is virtually daydreaming.

My cool husband lost his wallet last week and has been slowly replacing his identity. He said when he was standing in line at the DMV to replace his driver’s license, he was daydreaming about how he’d go about getting a second identity; a different name, a different social security number, the whole nine yards. He was wondering how hard it would be to live another person’s life.

Sigh…

Ah real kids, and the quaintness of their daydreams.

I told him he was talking to an expert in living the life of another person. I’ve been doing it since I was five days old. I think I’ve got the hang of it.

The answer is, it is extremely difficult to live another person’s life. But it is very easy to go crazy trying.

My second identity is on my official Pennsylvania birth certificate. The name on my birth certificate is not my name. It’s the name of the first ghost baby my purpose was to replace. The ghost babies that haunted my childhood home. Not ooOOOooo up and down the hallway with rattling chains type ghosts, but the ghosts of the real children my adoptive mom wanted. Not fake kids like me, but her own kids. Perfect babies who looked like her and would never break her heart by asking questions she couldn’t answer. Little children of her own that she could share her love with, but never have to worry about them sharing their love between two mothers. She could love as many as she wanted, but they would only love one mother, because they only had one mother.

“I was going to have six children,” she would always say.

My job was to assume the identity of those six.

So the state of Pennsylvania locked away my real identity, and declared me a fictitious orphan in their kangaroo Orphan’s Court. And at five days, I assumed the identity of my adoptive parent’s daughter.

I’ve been living this unauthentic fake life for almost 44 years. It’s freaking exhausting.

It makes me think again of adoption order, which is something I daydream about a lot. I wish to hell someone would do a research study on it some day.

If the role and identity of the first adoptee is to replace the children the adoptive parents could not have, does the same burden fall onto the second adoptee as well? Or have there been enough disappointments and upsets that reality (or a reasonable facsimile thereof) sets in?

Do the number of years between adoptions make it better? If the second adoptee is purchased before the first reaches a comprehension of adoption, does the second also suffer the effects of living the life of a ghost child that couldn’t be?

Is another purpose of the first adoptee to stand as a buffer and guidepost for the second? A buffer in that the disappointments fall on her (my) shoulders, and a guidepost for the second as far as what things to say and not to say?

I don’t know.

All I know is my lunch break is over. Got to get back to training.

8 complaints from ingrates:

Third Mom July 11, 2007 at 2:11 PM  

What I'm having a real hard time understanding these days is how we can live in a country where a guy can sue a dry cleaner for $54M for losing a pair of pants, but human beings are unable to sue for their own identities.

So screwed up.

kim.kim July 11, 2007 at 3:00 PM  

I'm still waiting with you to hear news.....

Gershom July 11, 2007 at 5:00 PM  

I've been daydreaming on what was going on in your life, pulling up a chair to hold you hand while you wait to here back from her.

I agree thirdmom, what a joke!!

(((ULB)))

Ungrateful Little Bastard July 12, 2007 at 7:58 AM  

Margie your blasphemy against the Doctrine of Closed Records has been duly noted by the authorities. Expect a representative from Adoption is Magic Reeducation Camp to be contacting you shortly.

Thanks Kim & Gersh. 1 more month until THE DREADED PHONE CALL

Being Me July 12, 2007 at 2:52 PM  

This is really beautifully expressed.

And yes, waiting with you.

deaconmike,  July 13, 2007 at 4:45 PM  

as the second adopted kid in the family, the answer to your rant question is yes, even more than the first kid. When the reality of the kid is seen for what it aint the second takes the heat that is turned up even more. Maybe more heat will make the perfect cake.
I wish the bastards in the halls of congress would get their colective dodo together and make it leagl for me to know where i came from. it's hard for my wife to realize that she married a martian, dropped off by a passing ship...
nanoo nanoo you all

Ungrateful Little Bastard July 13, 2007 at 5:01 PM  

Thanks, Being.

And na-noo na-noo back to you, brother. Thanks for giving your experience as the second.

Judy July 14, 2007 at 8:01 AM  

How sad.

No number of "expected children" here. My word. And to have told you that -- sheesh! What that does to a child!!!

Even though my son may (will?) have these issues, I hope I don't make them worse for him.

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