Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Some thoughts on dads

I took a nap today and had a really nice dream about my adoptive dad. He died 15 years ago and it still feels like yesterday. Do you ever have those dreams of someone who died, and they show up in your dreams and you're so happy to see them? I love those dreams.

In my dream I wanted to show off my house renovations to my dad. I wanted him to see how successful I was, and he was really happy for me with everything I had accomplished. It was a great dream.

I spent the majority of my teen years being angry with my dad. I was mad at him for moving us from Philly to Chicago. I was also mad at him for being gone all the time away at work or on business trips. It wasn't until I got older that I realized he was trapped in the cycle of all professionals. You work hard; you get a promotion. You get a promotion; you need to work harder. Then you work harder, and get another promotion. The cycle repeats. Being the sole breadwinner in the family he had a heavy financial load to carry, and was trapped by his profession and his success and his responsibilities.

My dad saved me and backed me up and got me out of more messes than I can even begin to tell you. I'm glad that by the time I got about 19 I was able to see how trapped he was, and for the last 10 years of his life we were able to have a good relationship. I miss him so much.

I always got the feeling from him that he was never too keen on the whole adoption thing. I know he adored my mother and I think if it had just been the two of them, he would have been OK with that. He was every one's favorite uncle, and I think he would have been content with that. I think he went along with the adoption bit to make my mom happy.

I'm no fan of adoption, but I am a fan of my adoptive dad. My dad worked with a lot of corrupt people in his line of business, but he always was honest. He was so honest, in fact, that one of his last jobs was as a government appointed trustee over some funds that were rife with corruption.

Corruption was something that he just couldn't comprehend. I think if he had been made aware or educated himself on the amount of corruption present in adoptions of my time, it would have broken his heart. I can't imagine how he would have reacted if he had learned that my adoption was a lie.

I wonder about the adoptive parents of Evelyn Bennett. I wonder how anyone could claim ownership of a baby who clearly has a mom and grandparents who are fighting for her. And I wonder about the adoptive parents of Baby Joseph too. Please take a moment to look at the Babyselling page and at Joshua's Myspace page if you haven't already. This is all so sad.

6 complaints from ingrates:

Kelly July 4, 2007 at 8:59 PM  

My father died 16 years ago 2morrow; so my dreams have been filled with him. I am glad you, and your dad had a good relationship for the last 10 years. He sounds like a wonderful man. Sending you hugs.

Kell

Third Mom July 4, 2007 at 9:26 PM  

This is uncanny - not only because we were on the same wavelength about dads today, but because of the dream itself.

In January 2005 I lost my best friend. She was a cancer survivor who essentially died from her treatment. Although she lived almost 25 years after the disease was stopped, her treatment was so radical, particularly the radiation, that her body simply starting falling apart.

Sometime during the year after she had passed away, I dreamt I saw her at an event. We talked as if she were in the room with me, about mundane stuff. In the dream she was eating something, and I remember she told me that "yes, we still eat."

The connection I felt to her was so real in that dream that it almost felt like she was still here. I kept wishing I'd dream about her again, but haven't.

I'm glad you had a dream about your Dad that brought him back to you, if only for a little while.

momseekingpeace July 5, 2007 at 4:54 AM  

I too wonder about how people can take "ownership" of a child who has a mother and grandparents who not only want her but are fighting for her.


Thats sounds like a very lovely dream.
msp

Judy July 5, 2007 at 12:12 PM  

I remember having a dream after my dad died when he was so real to me, and I finally in the dream said to him, "Wait a minute . . . you're dead."

Freaky stuff.

Nice to visit with them, even if in dreams or talking with them or -- at least in my case -- when I find myself doing things that he would do, acting like he does because I'm so like him in so many ways.

I hope you can visit with your dad more in your dreams.

mama2roo,  July 5, 2007 at 4:26 PM  

Your dad sounds wonderful. Glad you got to "reconnect" with him, even if was all too short.

Being Me July 7, 2007 at 8:10 PM  

I dream more about my mom than my dad. But I've never had the sense that I was talking to a deceased person, they seem perfectly alive in the dream, normal. When I wake up it's nice to have the new memories.

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