Wednesday, September 26, 2007

How come

it's OK for real kids to say this to adoptees?

Can you imagine saying this to anyone else?

I dare you, dare you, double dog dare you, say that to a real kid the next time they say ANYTHING about their parents or their upbringing.

You just recoiled a little bit didn't you?

Of course you did. What an atrocious thing to say to anyone.

Except adoptees.

I can't count the number of times I heard that statement. And you know what's so sad? After you hear it for the umpteenth time, sometimes you say it too.

I know I did.

I always feel so sad when any adoptee makes that statement about themselves even the famous ones. Especially the famous ones; the media eats that up. Because it reminds me of all the times I did (and do) feel so worthless, that I don't even deserve to be alive.

21 complaints from ingrates:

Becca September 26, 2007 at 6:22 PM  

Wow. I can't believe people actually say that. I'm more astonished everyday by how stupid and rude people are (me included).

Unknown September 26, 2007 at 8:11 PM  

I know aren't you grateful?

What is sad too is when adoptees say, I wish I had been.

Susan September 26, 2007 at 8:20 PM  

You know what's even niftier? Being told by your birthmother, "You WOULD've been aborted, except I wasn't LUCKY enough to have conceived you before Roe. V. Wade!"

Yeah, it's a messed up world.

suz September 26, 2007 at 9:33 PM  

ooh, even better, as a mom like me, who lost her child to adoption being told to get over it, it was my own fault, i could have chosen to abort her...i had "options"...yeah, right. people outside in the real world have no frikkin clue. seriously.

Unknown September 26, 2007 at 10:43 PM  

im on an adoption search list and have come across these type of comments from adoptees.

stuff along the lines of "i dont necessarily want a relationship, i just want to thank her for not aborting me and giving me to a good home".

you can well imagine how well that goes over with the first moms on the list...

Anonymous,  September 27, 2007 at 10:15 AM  

I honestly don't think people who say this crap have really thought about things, situations, and so forth.

Unknown September 27, 2007 at 11:14 AM  

Did your mother actually say that to you Susan?

Andie D. September 27, 2007 at 12:24 PM  

When I was young I heard "at least you weren't ABORTED" (AKA you should be THANKFUL you little bastard!) enough that I bought into it. Reluctantly. I always knew in my heart that there was something fishy about it and my heart fought back against my brain.

It's only now, as 36 yr old adult, that I can truly say that this shit is ignorant and I'm NOT going to take it lying down. The next time I hear, "You could've been aborted", I just may reply with, "Well, you SHOUL'VE been aborted."

How do you think that would fly?

Anonymous,  September 27, 2007 at 6:38 PM  

I don't think anyone's ever said that to me, but I know I used to be grateful for being adopted as opposed to growing up in an orphanage - I may have even used that reasoning to other people.

L September 27, 2007 at 9:41 PM  

A lot of people have told me I HAVE to be pro life because I'm adopted.

Anonymous,  September 27, 2007 at 10:04 PM  

yes i' adopted. yes i have a great life. yes i'm glad i wasn't aborted.

Anonymous,  September 28, 2007 at 2:06 AM  

The first time I talked to my son, 26 years after his birth, he said, "thank you for giving me life, for not aborting me." I was stunned! I told him it was never an option, knowing that if times would have been different, my parents would probably have coerced me to do that instead of putting him for adoption.

I can't imagine anyone saying that to an adoptee, ever, for any reason. Makes me furious!

T. Laurel Sulfate September 28, 2007 at 3:54 AM  

The only time people have said this to me it was in an attempt to get me to deny adoption has a downside. I always reply, "You could have been too. I know a married couple who had two abortions before they had their two daughters." Shuts them right up.

Anonymous,  September 28, 2007 at 6:51 AM  

That is a terrible thing to say.

As a (bio) mother, that NEVER entered my head to do that!

What a stupid assumption to make!


Anonymous,  September 28, 2007 at 1:11 PM  

Love seeing it on a cake. You are a creative bastard!

Anonymous,  September 28, 2007 at 8:01 PM  

Joy: yes, she did say that. I wrote about it in an essay in an anthology that's going to be published in a few weeks, called CHOICE.

The editors of the anthology are collecting readers' own "choice" stories. I'd love to hear some of your own words there.

Unknown September 29, 2007 at 2:10 AM  

That is terrible Susan, I am so sorry, I will check out your essay.

I wish there was something I could say other than sorry.


Sometimes parenthesis just seem so inadequate.

Lorri October 1, 2007 at 3:32 AM  

To all of you that have ever heard those words, I am so sorry. My daughter was taken from me 18 years ago because my family did not feel I was best for her, and arranged to have me sign adoption papers after being prepped and drugged for surgery. She was stolen, and I loved her, and I still love her.

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