Friday, October 05, 2007

I'm guilty

The following online things make me feel really guilty:

Myspace. I feel really guilty when people leave profile comments for me. I always want to post something pretty and witty back but I never have time. I think I'll make a mental note to comment back but then I get wrapped up in other stuff and forget.

Also if I get one that goes past the right margin. I delete those and feel guilty about it.

I feel guilty when the comments page gets long and I delete one because I don't know if the person notices.

I also don't understand people who have incomprehensible Myspace pages. If they have a huge light colored picture background with pale beige text set to 90% transparency, how can you read it? I can't, and then I feel guilty.

I think Myspace is awesome for spreading the word about stuff via Events and Bulletins, but I don't reply to a lot of those quiz and survey bulletins. Actually I don't reply to any of them. And then I feel guilty.

Facebook. I don't get it. According to my son prevailing wisdom now is it's a signifier of socioeconomic levels. I don't know who decided that but I think it started here. I could be wrong. If I am, I feel guilty.

I don't know, it could be true. My tax bracket may put me at Facebook, however by the time I'm done paying my bills I've got nothing left over, which might be why I like Myspace but not Facebook. Sometimes people want me to add them to my Facebook and I look for them but can't find them, and then get caught up with something else and forget. And I feel guilty.

Replies. I feel guilty about replying to people all the time, be it email or blog comments or whatever. A lot of my online time is stolen in bits and pieces and I jump all over the place. I reply to everyone who writes to me but sometimes it takes a bit. I got a second email from someone who I was planning on writing back, mentioning the first email that I didn't get a chance to write back to, and that made me feel really guilty.

I know I'm massively needy and overly sensitive. It's kind of like when I was a hypochondriac. I thought I was sick all the time, but I also knew I was a freaking hypochondriac, so I never paid attention to my symptoms. Problem was, a few times times I was actually sick. Har har joke's on me. I get like that with replies. I think everyone doesn't like me, but then again I know I'm freaking nuts, so if someone doesn't write back to me I figure they're busy. Ooo but what if they really don't like me. Har har joke's on me. And then I feel guilty.

Oh and by the way, please don't leave a comment telling me you like me. I feel guilty when I write stuff about how I don't like myself and then people tell me they like me, because I think I made them feel bad. I feel really guilty writing that last sentence.

Writing about religion. I think I'm the most spiritual lapsed catholic pagan agnostic atheist I've ever met, so I feel really guilty when I hate on the catholic church as an institution. But I do hate it, really. I think they're nasty. But then through work I give money to a catholic organization run by a real kick ass nun that keeps incarcerated moms and their babies together and provides housing and support to them after they're released. I don't think they are connected in any way to adoption. I hope they're not. That would make me feel really guilty. A friend today reported about a slimy agency going after incarcerated pregnant women. And it just so happened that next week at work is contribution elections. So I'm planning on upping my contribution to the catholic program that works for family preservation, and I feel really guilty about how little I gave them before.

Social networking searches. It makes me feel like a stalker. But god, I'd give anything to see a picture of a member of my immediate family. Cousins and second cousins are cool, but I have siblings, damn it. What do they look like? I don't know. I really should call my little sister, if for nothing else to tell her to get a skin cancer screening if she hasn't already done so, and I feel guilty that I haven't. But I'm scared. And I feel guilty at my weakness.

tl;dr. I know a lot of my posts are that. Sorry. I'll make it up to you. I'll cut this one short. I gotta go get some laundry done. I'm pissed that I'm doing laundry on a Friday night. And then I feel guilty about that, because if I had been doing laundry before work instead of blogging, then I wouldn't have had to give up my Friday night to get caught up. Not to mention find the time to reply to comments and answer that email and figure out Facebook.

5 complaints from ingrates:

Anonymous,  October 5, 2007 at 10:03 PM  

I flat out refuse to donate at work. The United Way and Texas Children's Home Society are our charities at the AT&T Mobility. I don't do adoption agencies. Nope not me. These organizations promote the taking of children from their families. I don't care if I get a talking to from my higher ups. I have my morals. Adoption is not including in one of them.

Ungrateful Little Bastard October 6, 2007 at 1:16 AM  

That's weird that they limit you like that. Do they really give you crap if you don't donate?

suz October 6, 2007 at 2:51 PM  

haha. made me laugh. i also delete myspace comments that go off my layout. i like order. that destroys my order and visual appearance.
are you on facebook too? friend me. i am there too. haha.
oddball question: whats your adoptee position on accepting gifts from others? do you have a hard time with it? (yes, I am taking a poll and I have selfish reasons behind it)

Ungrateful Little Bastard October 7, 2007 at 12:15 AM  

Alright I'll LOOK for you, but I'm telling you now, I won't find you. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND FACEBOOK. Plus I change my last name on there like every week too. I think this week I'm under my maiden name. Or maybe my real name. I've thrown it to that a few times when I've been in a bad mood hehehe.

Gifts drive me nuts for so many reasons, mainly because I always feel like 'thank you' doesn't come close to how I feel, but I don't know what else to say. I'm psycho with gifts. They mean so much to me but then I don't show that I appreciate them because deep down I feel I don't deserve them. I'm fortunate enough to have a flower-giving husband but if you could see the dead flowers in my office right now, you'd hit me. I'm a horrible person, honestly.

That's not so much my adoptee position on gifts, it's just me. And don't even get me started on the number of single earrings in my jewelry box because I lost the matching earring.

suz October 8, 2007 at 6:41 PM  

ha. i dont even know your married or maiden name. looked for you tonight.
: (
(go into the search box, type in wont get too many will find me!)

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