Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Who the hell are you, anyway?

Just curious.

24 complaints from ingrates:

Anonymous,  October 2, 2007 at 10:51 AM  

I voted wrongly, or at least not specificly enough. I'm a natural parent, but voted natural family member.

Erin October 2, 2007 at 11:42 AM  

Dude, not only am I an adoptive parent, but I'm a bastard spawn. Awesome.

Unknown October 2, 2007 at 4:27 PM  

this is friggin awesome!i wanted to do somethin similar but couldnt figure out how to do it.

bastard nation w00t!
ya im representin


elizabeth October 2, 2007 at 7:57 PM  

abandoned but not a bastard :(((

Anonymous,  October 3, 2007 at 6:28 AM  

Oh, everything is complicated, isn't it?

How about: I have ovaries but don't want them anymore? Sometimes they hurt. A lot -- not even during [now I must whisper "that time of the month" or use some silly euphemism].

I'd put them up for sale, but they're not worth anything. Maybe I should bronze them and see if that makes them into Art with a capital A.

Anonymous,  October 3, 2007 at 3:16 PM  

I love this poll.

Ungrateful Little Bastard October 3, 2007 at 6:30 PM  

((((E)))) you're always a bastard in my book

And damn Judy, me too. Yay perimenopause!

It's fun to see the answers.

I wish people weren't so shy though. I don't get a ton of traffic compared to a lot of other bloggers, but this page has had approximately 155 unique visitors but only 38 have answered so far.

C'mon.... click up people! I know you're there! I'm watching youuuuuuuu....

I made that question multiple choice. I knew there were double and triple dippers out there.

There might even be a quadruple dipper.

There might even be a five time dipper.

However I think I can safely say that if some random person came surfing by looking for that wrestling midget guy, and they happen to be not only a bastard but an adoptive parent and natural parent, married or shacking up to an adoptee who is also a natural parent, have relatives that were both adopted and surrendered AND work as an adoption professional, that we can identify the next adoptee serial killer. I'd lay money on it.

Aurelia October 4, 2007 at 7:57 AM  

Hey, next time, add "infertile adoptee" to the list.

If you knew the sheer freakin' volume of women I know in this category, sigh...a cynic might suggest they added something to our bottles in foster care.

Ungrateful Little Bastard October 4, 2007 at 5:07 PM  

Yeah I knew there was stuff I would overlook. After I posted I realized the 'married to' entries were a bit exclusionary as well.

Possum October 4, 2007 at 8:21 PM  

Great quizz T.
Love your work - as always.
I put 'domestic product' - even though I am an Aussie. 'Cuz I'm domestic here - ya know?!?!?
Now I'm confuzzled!!!
Love ya.
Poss. xxxx

Anonymous,  November 25, 2007 at 2:12 AM  

Your site definitely provides some food for thought. The whole concept of adoption as a profit-making industry turns my stomach. It blows me away that my local pet shelter works harder to qualify prospective pet owners than some adoption agencies do to assess the suitability of would-be adoptive parents.

Adoption is a scary, sometimes terrible thing, but it worked out for me. My birth father left my mother and I when I was very small, and I was adopted by my mother's second husband. A few years later, Mom left my (adopted) dad and I to pursue her career.

My natural parents aren't bad people (I keep in touch with them) but they weren't ready for the responsibility of raising a kid. I'm sure glad Dad came along.

Kimette December 12, 2007 at 2:54 PM  

I'm a scum of the korean society but I'm not a bastard.
ungratefull, you made me laugh with this poll.

Chris December 21, 2007 at 5:26 PM  

wow....cool poll, great blog....you've inspired me to write again....even if it is angry bastardly rants!

Anonymous,  February 11, 2008 at 11:25 PM  

I hope you'll forgive the intrusion . . . I am an adult adoptee and I just got the news tonight that my birthfather died last week (I have known my birthmother for almost 18 years, and met my birthfather and had contact with him for a few years). The funeral is tomorrow . . . it's a ten-hour drive from here . . . I would go in a minute, but I'm scheduled to fly to see a friend in Canada on Wednesday--thinking about driving one-way, changing my plane ticket and flying from there.

I am not sure what I'll decide to do, but I just feel the need to connect with folks who understand my desire to be there . . . and my sense that I have a *right* to be there.

Anonymous,  February 21, 2008 at 5:26 AM  

Born lance michal shaw to married young parents end of 60 was bought 9 months later by wealthy buisness man for his wife whome had tried to kill fist husband and had a child taken away (have not fond this girl yet) dont even think her 2nd husband new mother had spent time in mental hospital had bad up bringing one of 7 siblings one was born black 1919 and put in to orfanage for having dark skin his mother husbands & uncles kept dyiny his white full sister was kept the family are not close and problems still with todays generations well i was one of two children they adopted my adopted dad died in 1978 liver failer he was a sucsesfull buisness man his wife did not keep his wishes and stoped us going to private school we were kept off school to look after her she said had bad back well from age of 9 i was using heavy gardining machines mowers hedge cutters and supporting my self and loking after this woman whom would not talk to me tell lies but my dad wrote to me befor he died look after your mum.
i serched for real parents found lot of dead ends paperwork missing more lies if i asked questions took me to age of 37 to get information and birth mom did not want to know have had e mail from father as far as that got well my adoptive mother had a fall went in hospital and was robbed by the adopted daughter whome always after money never close to adopted sister it was not a happy childhood after my father died got blame for everthing i done the jobs helen got horse riding lessons etc was favoured on her last years this girs husband made funny tel calls to mum made her a nurvous reck always asking for money having an expensive weding holidays paid for by mom helens husband will not work life not easy well this s shortened version never fited in with adopted mother have more in comen with birth parents always triedto to doright thing but should have folowed my heart i would go to real prent funeral my adopted mother did not even tell me myadopted dad died the 7 year old naibour told me and adopted mother did not let me go to the funeral never got closeir the adopted daughter let my adopted mother belive that she was her real daughter and would use her daughter amy as a tool to make my adopted mother do as helen wanted they even changed her will and got her signing paperwork after her fall mum had a brain bleed then they convinced her to go in to a nursing home after she got better after she always said she did not want to go to a home this is the actions of some one ungratfull and evil you need to know who you are wre you come from why you look the way you do any medical problems the so called adoption authorities social services let people down the procedures are very wrong why should we feal guilty for wanting to know are history you cant fight nature.

halfsister April 27, 2008 at 4:21 PM  

Would have liked to read Andrew's comment to the end, but the -- um -- punctuation and lack of line changes was just too much for me... Sorry Andrew!

Do any of you know any 'found siblings'? My half brother (same father) found me and my sister a couple of years ago, and it's sort of upset the balance in the family a little... I'm trying to cope through blogging and reading blogs.

But it seems it's mostly adoptees and birth mothers that blog, rather than the extended families (read; siblings) and fathers. Haven't seen many dads writing about this.


Ungrateful Little Bastard April 27, 2008 at 6:09 PM  

Oh my god, I'm SO glad you're blogging.

Please don't stop blogging either. I'm really interested in hearing your side of the story, as it's ongoing and evolving.

As far as I know, you are the first found sibling that's got a blog entirely devoted to your experiences and emotions.

I'm hoping you'll start a trend.

No, there aren't a whole lot of dads out there blogging.

There was Rambling B-Dad, which was really good, but he shut it down. His link was http://bdad.wordpress.com/. That way you have it if he starts blogging again. There's also nevyn at http://nevyn.wordpress.com/

There are dads who are fighting adoptions they knew nothing about, but those children are all babies and toddlers. As far as dads of adult adoptees, zip, zero, ziltch.

The voices of dads in this are non-existent. It makes me really angry. They can be anonymous, blog behind a screen name, get their stories out there, but they don't. For whatever reason, they don't.

It makes me think they don't care.

It makes me really pissed at them.

I do know two blogging siblings, one was found and the other was the finder. Their blogs aren't devoted the the magical candy coated goodness of adoption, it's more stories in the course of their lives.

Chicago Red, Girl Editor


Tommy Devine

I go back and re-read these stories a lot. I find them incredibly moving and touching and jealousy-provoking.

There's not a lot out there for you guys.

There's this from the Benevolent Society:

Chapter 10 “About Siblings” pp 185-201 in “Birth Bond” by JS Gediman and LP Brown
published New Horizon Press New Jersey 1991.

Chapter 18 “Siblings pp 162-167 in “Lost and Found”: by BJ Lifton pub. Harper and
Row , New York 1979

There's also this group.

I think that's it

There really needs to be more

Foxxy One May 20, 2008 at 5:04 PM  

Fantastic site! I hope you don't mind if I stick around a bit.

Holly August 25, 2008 at 7:21 PM  

Another '63 adoptee checking in. I really appreciated Half Sister's Blog - hope she keeps it up. It gives me some insight I really need to chew on. Seriously.
So glad I found your blog Ungrateful. Cuz I'm ungrateful too. And, I'm beginning to be a real bitch in my old age. Think I'll blog too. 45 years of vent coming down the pike....
Look out!

BM lives in Tennessee September 22, 2008 at 5:20 PM  

Never thought I would see a blog with so much truth. I am an adoptee born in 1950, found BM in Ohio and you guessed it - "don't call this # again". Didn't want to be invited to family picnic just wanted info which Texas says I am entiteled to. I have talked to some relatives but not BM or my half siblings. Also there was 1 born before me. She married 8 months after my birth and has 4 kids and still married - if they only knew and someday they will - that is a promise I plan to keep.
I am welcome to all comments.

cindy psbm December 20, 2008 at 12:16 PM  

tried to do you survey but it didn't work...
BTW I'm a 'natural mom'

cindy psbm December 28, 2008 at 8:58 PM  

I did your survey now. It worked!!!
Why didn't you put 'open adoption' as an option anywhere?

timex June 27, 2009 at 5:52 PM  

How about adding a category for part-time search angels and supportive friends?

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