Sunday, November 18, 2007

Scary things about adoption #11: How do your parents feel about you reading my blog?

Is it a coincidence that on hip hip happy happy National Adoption Day, I had one of the most groundbreaking, earth shattering, soul-killing, eyes blinding, hide under the covers and even one tiny sound makes my ears bleed migraine of my life?

I think not.

I have a migraine hangover now, the kind where the migraine is gone but there is this weird outline of where the pain was. I also feel like my head is full of cotton. But at least the pain is gone.

The only thing worse than hip hip happy happy National Adoption Day is the fact that it leads up to my least favorite time of the year, the grand trifecta of all family events, the unholy trinity of Thanksgiving/XMas/New Years.

I love my in-laws so much, but I hate this time of year.

Here's a new video blogger on YouTube, vlogging about adoption. He only has two up right now but I'm hoping there will be more. Vlogging is cool, you get to see the person behind the ingratitude. I'd never do it. I hate my face and my voice.

Anyway the first one is something that really irritates the hell out of me, and that's the old "How do your adoptive parents feel about you searching?" It's pretty damn scary to me to think that people think it's ok to ask someone in their 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's, whatever, how their parents feel about them doing something.

It scares me because it undermines that forever child view in people's eyes.

And you know what, there's no good way to answer that too.

Why don't you ask them?
Too evasive.

Why do you ask?
Too defensive, oooh scary, angry adoptee.

My adoptive parents support me entirely.
Yeah, it's ok then, I've just re-established myself as a forever child. Can't say that.

On the surface she's supportive but then she'll withhold vital information and throw in zingers and invalidation because it triggers her defensiveness and insecurity as a woman and a mother.
There's the truth that I'll never say.

It would be fun to go around asking real kids how their parents feel about them doing something for a day, just to see their expressions. Maybe I'll do that on Thanksgiving. It would give me at least one reason to look forward to Thursday. God I hate holidays.

Direct link:

6 complaints from ingrates:

Anonymous,  November 18, 2007 at 9:52 AM  

LOL I don't think h got your joke

Anonymous,  November 19, 2007 at 12:35 AM  

It is a strange concept asking a fellow grown up how their parents feel about something. I can't imagine how Gay people probably get so sick of that question too.


Cookie November 19, 2007 at 2:34 AM  

For found birth parents, people also ask how the adoptive parents feel about your reunion. I tell them that reunion is not about adoptive parents.

Nathaniel Christopher November 23, 2007 at 10:04 AM  

Perhaps some people somewhere are asking your parents (both sets) how their daughter feels about THEIR blog! :)

Anonymous,  November 25, 2007 at 4:30 PM  

WOW. Thanks, T for finding this YouTube. He's amazing. I want to see the other one, too. Your blog is always jam-packed with information I don't find elsewhere, and wouldn't find on my own. Thank you. xx

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