Thursday, November 08, 2007

Scary things about adoption #7: Benedict Bastards

I can't remember the first time I read the phrase "Benedict Bastard". I googled and the earliest reference I could find was Father Jack Sweeley in the December, 2005 Bastard Nation Byline. I know didn't read it then because December, 2005 I was fogged up heavier than Stephen King's new movie, after withdrawing from adoption land from another failed search attempt.

But I love that phrase. It's so apt.

I find Benedict Bastards terrifying. Benedict Bastards set us all backwards proclaiming it's OK to accept some civil rights violations to keep our eyes on the prize in the future or slamming the door on all of us all together. Benedict Bastards in many cases could give two hoots about the prize in the future because more often than not, they either have their information or fall into a select group who will, so pfffftt to the rest of you.

Benedict Bastards occasionally will not be able to coherently describe the difference between a disclosure veto and a contact preference form while fighting the bad fight for us all. I will readily admit up until last year I couldn't describe the difference myself, but at least I wasn't spouting nonsense on behalf of closed records.

Benedict Bastards sometimes also are employed by large adoption organizations, and they've got a great job. Their job is to spy on other adoptees and maintain databases of their activities and talk about how grrreeeaaattt!! adoption is. Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on your point of view, some do the clandestine spy bit better than others.

Benedict Bastards are so ensconced in the role of the forever child, they gravitate towards the power symbolized by the adoption industry in a sick Stockholm Syndromesque dance, still desperately needing that approval from mommy and daddy. Love me, love me, love me, I'll do anything to make you happy, because that was my job in the first place, to fill the needs of someone else.

But still, Benedict Bastards, in spite of their naughty behavior, they are still my people, and one or the other may defog one day. Defogging is extremely painful to begin with. It becomes a little more painful when you look back on your past behaviors and see reenactment of trauma at different stages of your life. I'm ashamed of many of my past behaviors, but I'm still grateful that none of them included shitting on my brothers and sisters.

It would be really scary to wake up to that.

2 complaints from ingrates:

Mary November 8, 2007 at 5:50 PM  

Grrrr lets hope we can defog as many as possible!

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