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County welfare unit helps deserving couples.
Improper or Illegal child adoptions cause heartaches, problems
New Castle News, New Castle, PA. Friday, November 11, 1966
If I could:
straighten my curly hair
and dye it a different color.
Have laser surgery on my eyes
or get tinted contact lenses.
Get a nose job
and throw in a jaw job too.
Braces to correct
that one crooked tooth.
The moles on my neck removed,
the ones on my arms too.
What the hell, get rid of the ones on my back
and my legs. I always hated them.
Would I stop looking in the mirror
and trying to figure out
which one of you gave me these things?
If by reinventing myself
I could erase them all,
the way she erased me,
could I possibly stop loving them
as irrationally as I do?
Two new biopsies done.
They're painless and quick.
Two less family heirlooms.
Anesthetized, incised,
cauterized and bandaged.
The scars they leave behind
look like faint cigarette burns.
After a while, they fade to white.
First, via Adoptese comes news that as of October, Wikipedia now has a Baby Scoop Era entry.
Second, via Celeste:
New Organization to Probe Adoption Abuses
yourself, as seen through the eyes of google:
Thank you, Celeste
So pertman an atwood went hand 2 hand combat ovar teh rights ov adult adopteez.
Oh noez theresa y r u so upset?
Cud it be dat compromize principals wuz brought up? Cud it be dat teh focus wuz moar on reunion an les on discriminashun?
Cud be.
Cud be moar dat teh nachural pplz members voicez wuz relegatd 2 call-in censord bits. Maybe next npr show will has sum voicez frum, i dunno, peeps liek bastard nashun or origins.
But ungrateful kitteh iz not holdin her breath
lolcat translator courtesy of http://speaklolcat.com/
lolcat web page translator courtesy of http://lolinator.com/
ungrateful attitude courtesy of adoption. i'm in yr dinner hour, telemarketin mi reunion
For non-lolcat analysis of the broadcast please see the following. I'll update with more links after work today. And by the way, The New York Times - you're next
Amy: ADOPTEE FOES VS. ADOPTEE FRIENDS
BB Church: Adoption as Melodrama, Pertman v Atwood
Judy: Riddle Me This
Claud: NPR, the EBD and making waves
The Daily Bastardette: FOR THE RECORDS: A MISSED OPPORTUNITY
Via my inbox...
Adam Pertman of Evan B. Donaldson Institute will be on NPR's "Talk of the Nation" today at 3 p.m. (Eastern). Also on will be Tom Atwood of NCFA and someone from the ACLU, so it will be sort-of two versus one. Please get word out immediately about the show so that people can call in to provide their comments, support the Institute's work, and comment on whatever the other two guests have to say. Call-in number is 800-989-8255.
Yeah, I blew NaBloPoMo. I was so exhausted by the time I got home yesterday I couldn't even turn on the computer. Maybe next year. Anyway, interesting stuff below, please head over to the news site and leave a comment if you have time.
It's been picked up everywhere, but the biggies so far are MSNBC (link below), as well as CNN
Unseal adoptees' birth records, report urges
By DAVID CRARY
Associated Press
NEW YORK — It's among the most divisive questions in the realm of adoption: Should adult adoptees have access to their birth records, and thus be able to learn the identity of their birth parents?
In a comprehensive report being released Monday, a leading adoption institute says the answer is "Yes" and urges the rest of America to follow the path of the eight states that allow such access to all adults who were adopted.
"States' experiences in providing this information make clear that there are minimal, if any, negative repercussions," said the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute. "Outcomes appear to have been overwhelmingly positive for adult adopted persons and birthparents alike."
Opponents of open access argue that unsealing birth records violates the privacy that birthmothers expected when they opted to give up their babies. They raise the specter of birthparents forced into unwanted relationships with grown children who have tracked them down.
But the Donaldson Institute says most birthparents, rather than being fearful and ashamed, welcome contact with the children they bore. Its report says the states with open records have found that most birthparents and adoptees handle any contact with maturity and respect.
Kansas and Alaska never barred adoptees from seeing their birth certificates. Since 1996, six other states — Alabama, Delaware, Maine, New Hampshire, Oregon and Tennessee — have decided to allow access to all adult adoptees.
However, the progression has been slow, and open-records legislation has been rebuffed in many states by a determined and diverse opposition.
Opponents in Connecticut, where bills have failed in each of the past two years, included the state chapter of the American Civil Liberties Union. It depicted itself as a voice for birthmothers who opposed the measure but were reluctant to speak out publicly.
In New Jersey, where a long-running campaign to pass an open-records bill was derailed again this year, the opposition includes New Jersey Right to Life and the New Jersey Catholic Conference. They argue that eliminating the prospect of confidentiality might prompt a pregnant single woman to choose abortion rather than adoption.
Marlene Lao-Collins of the Catholic Conference said she knew of no data supporting the concerns about abortions, "but even if it just happened once, that would be one too many."
Nationwide, one of the major foes of open records is the National Council for Adoption, which represents many religiously affiliated adoption agencies. Its president, Thomas Atwood, says any reconnection between an adopted adult and a birthparent should be by mutual consent — which is the policy in most states.
"I empathize with anybody who feels the need to know their biological parents' identity," Atwood said. "But I don't think the law should enable them to force themselves on someone who has personal reasons for wanting confidentiality."
The Donaldson report says evidence from the states with open records rebuts every argument against the concept. Notably, it says there is no proof that abortions rise, that adoptions decline, or that birthparents are harassed following a switch to open records.
"There has been no evidence that the lives of birthmothers have been damaged as a result," the report says. "In the states that have amended their laws ... few birthmothers have expressed the desire to keep records sealed or the wish not to be contacted."
The most recent state to opt for open records is Maine; a law signed in June will allow adult adoptees to access their birth certificates starting in 2009.
One of the bill's main sponsors was state Sen. Paula Benoit, an adoptee who personally lobbied all her colleagues. While working on the bill, she uncovered her own biological background and learned, to her amazement, that two Democratic lawmakers she was working with were her nephews.
"There are so many adoptees who want to know who they are," she said. "Can you imagine being denied your identity?"
Among the many birthmothers grateful to have been found by children they relinquished is Eileen McQuade of Delray Beach, Fla., who is president of the American Adoption Congress and a fervent advocate of open records.
"Secrecy was the way it was done at the time — it was not a choice or a preference on the part of the mothers," McQuade said of the 1960s, when she placed a daughter for adoption. "We treat adoptees as if they're forever children — it's absurd."
The Donaldson report depicts adopted people as the only class of Americans not permitted to routinely obtain their birth certificates.
Giving them full access "is a matter of legal equality, ethical practice and, on a human level, basic fairness," the report said. "It is an essential step toward placing adoptive families, families of origin, everyone connected to them and, indeed, adoption itself on a level playing field within society, without the stigma, shame and inequitable treatment they have experienced in the past."
"The mythology around adoption is based on the notion that you should be protecting someone from something," said the institute's executive director, Adam Pertman.
"But that's not the reality," he said. "Adoptees are not behaving poorly, they're behaving very respectfully, and birthparents do not appear to be a frightened class that wants to hide."
I’m STILL on a crappy dialup connection here, so if you’ve sent me an email since Friday afternoon I’m not ignoring you, it’s just that it’s too painful for words to sit and wait wait wait wait for the page to load.
Anyway, now that that’s out of the way, I can’t believe how fast today went.
It was fantastic, just wonderful.
If you were at a RegDay table of your own, I’m toasting you right now. If you weren’t at one, next year I hope you can be. The high is just indescribable. We had so much fun.
My pictures won’t be ready until I get back because I dumbly forgot my digital camera, but I’m sure Claud will get hers posted. The only problem is when she took pictures some fat bitch sat in my seat so there are no pictures of me anywhere to be found.
It was amazing to meet her, really, I was star struck. Face to face with the woman who sat so calmly next to Montel William’s WHERE CAN I GET A FREAKING BABY baby lust tantrum, and lived to tell the tale, wow.
And yay yay yay yay to see Stewie from AAAFC again yay yay yay. If you're not a member of AAAFC, you need to be.
It was a fun table, totally. It was a first for all of us so we’ve got some lessons learned and plans for next year. Here are my thoughts and memories on the day, rambling, incoherent, unedited and unspellchecked, and in no particular order
- I made enough copies to staff every RegDay table across the country, plus everyone who considered doing a RegDay table. Good thing is, next year there won’t be as many copies to make. But that brings to the next point:
- Stuff I left out. I didn’t have enough stuff with New York resources. Considering it was a NEW YORK TABLE y’think I would have, but noooooooooo. D'uh. Also I should have had more resources for International Adoptees. More about that later.
- I was too conservative with what I did print out. I used a lot of the material from the RegDay site as well as the coordinator’s list, but there was some stuff in retrospect that I could have included but didn’t. Next year.
- The location at the mall was great, near two heavy hitter stores (Target and Best Buy). Even better, directly ahead of us was a mall post office. How awesome was that.
- RegDay technology needs to be created to allow table volunteers to see thought balloons over the heads of passer-bys. The expressions on some of the faces were soooo interesting but sooooo hard to read. It provided a great mystery all day. Why is that pregnant woman looking so pained when she walks by us? Is she an adoptee who is afraid to search? Is she a mom who lost a previous child to adoption? God forbid, has she been snatched by some agency and is planning on adoption? If only thought balloon technology were in effect, it would make the tables much easier to manage.
- No one as much as looked at our books. Oh well. At least we were able to plug Girls Who Went Away to a few.
- We got signatures for Unsealed Initiative! Alright!!
- Some radio station, I don’t know which, played the 60 SECOND NATIONALITY PSA – WOW!! That’s where the majority of the visitors to the table came from. It was so weird. I wrote to a zillion stations but never heard back from one of them. Claud is pretty sure she knows which station ran it so she’s going to send out a thank you note.
- I didn’t cry as much as I thought I was going to, but I’m crying now. Good tears for a day well spent, but also identifying tears, for everyone who sat down with one of our forms, looked over the ISRR application and said, “I don’t have the answer to any of these questions” I know, god I know.
- The playlist I made got lots of looks and attention, that was good. Unfortunately I had the CD burned so far in advance I missed out on lots of great new videos, but all the better for next year.
- It will be a hard decision on next year. Do we all reconvene at the same location, or do we branch out to other locations with what we’ve learned? It’s really a decision of selfish versus practical. More practical to do our own tables to get more registrations, but damn, it was a fun day with the three of us.
- I wasn’t prepared for the authentic joy from some of the visitors to the table. Most notably two sisters who were searching on behalf of their father who was adopted, and a dad with a son who was adopted in Hungary. Even better – this adopted dad came back to the table a second time with a friend of one of his kids who was born in South Korea. Awesome awesome awesome.
- We did get plugs in for Unsealed Initiative, AAAFC, Adoptee Rights Demonstration, Origins-USA, Adoption Crossroads, Bastard Nation and KAAN. We also had a blog list printed out, thanks to Possum, so send some gratitude her way.
- I really want next year to also have a bit of preventative stuff as well, to hopefully keep a future registration from ever happening.
- I really need someone to pay me to do this as a full time job. I need comprehensive dental and medical, at least as long as my son is in college. Write to me about my salary requirements privately. Because my current employer has been good to me, I want to give them at least 2 months notice, so I can start working for you in January.
-I am actually really tired, I expected this but still it’s surprising just how bone weary exhausted I am.
-There are far too many separated families in this world. Today I hope that number became a little less and we gave a few folks their first glimpse of light outside the fog.
I'm heading to bed, I'm beat. Thank you Claud and Stewie, it was a killer day.
DEAR ABBY: I have always thought your advice to be very sound until I read the answer you gave "JUST CURIOUS" who was adopted in her infancy had grown up and married, and had finally tracked down her real mother. She asked you if she should go to see her real mother, and you advised her not to?
Abby, how could you! I gave my baby up for adoption 29 years ago not because I didn't want her, but because I had no husband, and could not afford to keep her. And everyday I pray that my doorbell will ring and she will be standing there. A MOTHER
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Just writing that title made me cry.
I've tried 3 times since writing that to get my thoughts into words, but I can't.
So I'll leave you with a number and a link -
The approximate number of United States children in foster care who need a home: 114,000
What will happen to them when they don't get one: Aging Out
And after that, I can't write any more.
Via Origins-USA.org
PLEASE FORWARD FAR AND WIDE!
I talked with a reporter from People Magazine who is preparing a story on recent coercive and unethical adoption practices. She would like to speak with a parent who recently lost their child to adoption coercion or fraud in the United States. She specifically requested to speak with parents who:
* Lost their child very recently, preferably within the past year
* Are willing and able to speak on the record and have their story published in People Magazine
* Have a compelling story that can be fact-checked
* Do not have a history of child abuse or anything else that would have led to them being accused of being "unfit" parents
She is also interested in talking with people who adopted (either domestically or internationally) and later discovered that the child they adopted had been obtained by kidnapping or coercion.
Her deadline is open, but she would like to have an update on Wednesday Nov 7 if possible.
If you or anybody you know might be able to help with this story, let me know and I will pass on your information to the reporter. She is a real reporter using a real People Magazine email and mailing address and phone number.
This could be a great opportunity to increase public awareness of coercive and exploitative adoption practices. Thank you for your help!
Bernadette Wright
President, Origins-USA
bwright@origins-usa.org
571-278-2593
.... when the foundation has been laid and the issue is defused, then forget it. Don't constantly remind the child of his uniqueness to the point of foolishness. Mention the matter when it is appropriate, but don't reveal anxiety or tension by constantly throwing adoption in the child's face. Youngsters are amazingly perceptive at "reading" these thinly disguised attitudes.
I believe it is possible, by following these common sense suggestions, to raise an adopted child without psychological trauma or personal insult.
I find it frightening how difficult it is to get real kids to 'get it' when it comes to equal access to our original birth certificates.
Secrets and lies in adoption are the reason I chose open adoption. I have my child's original birth certificate and will make sure it stays safe so s/he will always have access to it.
Prior to the 1930's, divorce and marriage records were kept open in all states. If a couple should get a divorce, either party would still be able to get access to the original marriage certificate should they want it for whatever reason. After this time, however, marriage records in all states but two became sealed for a number of reasons. It was seen that sealing the original marriage certificate would save a remarried adult from the stigma of divorce. Also, some new spouses did not like the idea that their spouse would want a copy of the marriage certificate.
There has been a growing movement to open sealed marriage certificates, and several states have passed legislation to allow citizens to receive copies of their original records. In the majority of states though, records remain sealed. This is seen as a way to protect the privacy and confidentiality of those who do not wish their former spouse to track them down and intrude on their lives. Occasionally second spouses would keep a copy of the original marriage certificate and ensure it was kept in a safe spot so they could give it to their spouse at their discretion.
Q. Hey, where do young women hang out?
Adoption, however is not a "win-win" for all. For every family added to by adoption, another experiences an irrevocable and painful loss.
OriginsUSA, an organization dedicated to Natural Family Preservation and justice for families seperated by adoption, cannot "celebrate" adoption as a "positive way to build families."
For members of OriginsUSA, November is a time to call attention to the need to prevent unnecessary adoptions by providing families in need the resources they need to remain intact.
We thus declare November as National Adoption BEWAREness Month.
During this month, on November 10th, we will participate in Reg Day to bring awareness to the loss suffered those adopted by the denial of their truth with the issuance of a false birth certificate.
The month will culminate on November 30 with Strange and Mournful Day! Wear your Strange and Mournful Day ribbon on that day and throughout the year, to recognize the sadness of mothers losing their children to adoption.
Using a phrase taken from the "Mother and Child Reunion" by Paul Simon, the name of the occasion is intended to stress both the unnatural (strange) nature of adoption separation and the accompanying "mournful" grief.
"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek."
