Monday, May 05, 2008

The kids are alright


Oh noes!!!

Study: Adolescents adopted as infants are more likely to have psychiatric disorders

Adoptees More Likely to be Troubled



Did anyone ever stop to think, maybe they are reacting normally to an abnormal situation?

I’m glad three letter acronym disorders weren’t around when I was a teenager. Given my behavior between the ages of 11-21, starting with telling outrageous lies at the beginning and going through my first divorce at the end, I am convinced I would have been diagnosed with both ADHD and OCD. I’d have been sent off to school each day with my brain awash in a neurochemical concoction of the latest drug du jour to help me concentrate and/or trapped underneath a sweaty smelly pseudo therapist while my adoptive mother licked my face in order to make me behave.

I’m not knocking the study.

I’m just not overly convinced of the diagnosis.

Are they really suffering from ADHD and OCD?

Or are they suffering from adoption?

Note at the end of each article the saccharine calming advice not to worry about adopting.

I just have to laugh, really. We know this is harmful, but we don't think you should be discouraged from doing it.

I have to laugh, because otherwise I'd start to scream.


7 complaints from ingrates:

mia,  May 6, 2008 at 9:05 AM  

Or worse,they could have wrapped us up in blankets and suffocated the adoptee out of us. I shudder every time I think of the parents and therapists that actually think that is in any way a good idea. Sick.

Isn't it amazing the lengths people will go to to come up with "logical" explanations and diagnosis instead of just admitting that adoption has harmful aspects and dealing with them honestly?

jim,  May 6, 2008 at 9:26 AM  

"Despite the popularity of adoption, there is persistent concern that adopted children may be at a heightened risk for mental health or adjustment problems."
"Despite the popularity"? WTF?
Groundbreaking findings here...

Anonymous,  May 8, 2008 at 6:13 PM  

I heard this on NPR and was wondering if you would comment on this study. I've learned so much from your blog and others - I immediately thought about how this study would confirm some of what you've been talking about in terms of trauma and dislocation experienced by adoptees.

Anonymous,  May 9, 2008 at 10:42 AM  

"Did anyone ever stop to think, maybe they are reacting normally to an abnormal situation?"

I ran across your blog, and these lines jumped out at me. Thank you for pointing this out. I've been asking the same question for years and believe, with the passage time,"professionals" will be forced to ask it as well.

Anonymous,  May 10, 2008 at 1:35 PM  

I lost my first son because I trusted his grandparents to take care of him post-breakup with his dad and they screwed me over and I had no money to fight them and they knew it. They claimed I abused him. They found out later he had a learning disability and ate all their frigging words. It was too late to reverse the adoption, and they wouldn't have done it anyway--they kept making excuses that I wasn't a good enough mom for him. Well, let's see. The grandfather is a drunk. His dad is a convicted felon. He's ballooned out in weight since he left me because they try to be his grandparents and his parents all at once instead of, OMFG, feeding him what is actually good for him. And some of it may be unexamined trauma, to tell you the truth--not understanding why he's with them and not with me.

I got pregnant again three-and-a-fraction years after the adoption was finalized. Hell broke loose with *that* father. He cheated on me, after telling me BEFORE the pregnancy that he wanted a baby. Would not stop. Kicked me out when I wouldn't shut up about it.

I agonized over what to do. Considered an Internet buddy of mine as a potential adoptive parent, she's never been able to have kids and it was just tearing her up. My son's grandmother suggested keeping the kids together and so I decided that IF I gave my baby up, that's what I would do. The Internet buddy got all pissed off at me for changing my mind even though we had not finalized anything yet and I hadn't even made her a definite promise. In later conversations about adoption I ranted about people who wouldn't adopt special-needs kids and she goes, "Don't I have the right to a child that I am able to take care of? I'm chronically ill." I was like, "Didn't it ever occur to you that kids get diseases and suffer accidents all the time, you overentitled twit?" I didn't come out and say it but boy did I want to. She and I are not friends now, let's put it that way.

I decided to keep my baby. I had had my heart broken enough and I was not going to go through it again. And when they brought her in to me after her birth she was crying--and I said her name and she shut right up. Hadn't even touched her or held her yet, and she knew Mama was there and was happy.

Since that time nobody can tell me adoption doesn't hurt babies. No. Body. Because I don't like to think about what my girl would have done or how she would have felt had I handed her off to strangers, had she cried and cried and never heard my voice again.

Oh, and I wasn't technically an adoptee, but my parents divorced when I was very small, my dad remarried when I was two, and he got custody of me when I was three and a half. And then he and my stepmother proceeded to not talk about my mother, ever, and excused it later with a, "You never mentioned her." So I forgot about my own mother for three damn years until they sat me down when I was seven and had The Talk, because she had found us and was threatening to take my dad back to court.

My stepmother never failed to drill it into my head that SHE was my mother because SHE had raised me from age three. I'm sure she's mystified that she had problems with me as I was growing up, or that I'm not in touch with her now.

Not that my mom's a saint. My dad could get custody of me in the 1970s to begin with in large part because she was neglecting me, and possibly other bad stuff was going on as well. To this day she only calls me when she's bored out of my mind and has no one else to talk to. She almost never writes and it's a lucky thing if she sends her grandkids anything for the holidays.

It sucks when your family is not there for you. I am trying to be there for my daughter. I don't know how to be there for my son without his grandparents getting in the way if I somehow say or do the wrong thing. And I can't shake the idea that maybe I don't deserve to be in touch with him anyway because if I was worth a shit as a mom, I would still have him.

I hate adoption. I hate people who excuse it by saying it's "better." I hate people who want to split up families instead of helping them stay together. They can all go to hell.

Anonymous,  May 10, 2008 at 1:38 PM  

When mom's bored out of *her* mind, I mean. Oops.

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