Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Adopted and abused?

Because of the unusually high traffic this blog is receiving due to the Adam Herrman story, I just wanted to add a quick post for any visiting adoptees who were also abused by their adoptive parents.

You are not alone.

Please visit www.Adopted-Abused.com

Also, if you were labeled delinquent, a runaway, difficult, RAD, ODD, or other similar adjectives, and submitted to abusive attachment therapies, please visit A Search For Survivors.

Or if you're like me and don't fall into either of the above categories, but just want to hang with your own people, I'd suggest www.AdultAdoptees.org.

2 complaints from ingrates:

Unknown January 6, 2009 at 10:37 PM  

I happened upon your site because I was searching for info on Irvin Groeninger. It's such a tragic case. I'm also interested in adoption(especially interracial and international adoptions) because of race, class, and elitism issues.

As a person of color, I'm sick of adoption being portrayed as a perfect feel-good solution. We all know that adoption is often (but not always) rife with racism and classism. I'm sick of watching celebrities showing off their little African and Asian children like trophies and basically saying, "Look at me! I'm so noble!"

However, as a person was abused by her biological mother, I am not against adoption as a last resort in SOME situations. I've been on adoptee websites and blogs and sometimes I notice people idealizing all biological parents and demonizing all adoptive parents. For people who have been abused by biological parents it can be very hurtful to read those kinds of comments. I think every case is unique. I don't think it's fair to idealize biological or adoptive parents. Both bio parents and adoptive parents are humans so they can be wonderful or awful. In my case, I would have been better off being adopted.

In my opinion adoption should be allowed as a last resort but it should ONLY be allowed in the most extreme cases. For example if the parents are beating or molesting the child, if a child has been anonymously dropped off somewhere and no one actually knows who the biological parent is, if the biological relatives are deceased, etc. I'm am absolutely against international adoptions. It's IMMORAL, not to mention elitist to rip a child away from his or her native culture. If adoption is necessary as a last resort, the child should be placed with a adoptive parent of the same race and culture rather than being shipped off to the highest bidding (and often white) "parent". Even with domestic adoptions, I think children should remain in the same town he/she was born/raised in.

Are you familiar with this site? http://www.transracialabductees.org It's awesome.

I think it's great that you're raising awareness about the dark side of adoption but I guess I also wanted to raise awareness about the shitty bio parents out there. Peace out.

Cassi January 14, 2009 at 3:14 PM  

Thank you for posting the link for Adopted Abused. I know for my own son, lost to adoption twenty-one years ago, this site was not only helpful for him to be able to find a safe place to share his story but to also find other's stories he could relate to.
Sadly, I find my son still comes across those who believe he should be silent about his abuse and be grateful to his aparents for "taking care of" and "raising" him. And even now, as he has decided to get away from that atmosphere and has been adopted back by myself and my husband, he faces many who are more angry about that then the abuse he lived through for so many years of his life.

Thanks again for the links. I hope all of them you posted here will help others find the support and understanding they deserve.


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