Sunday, April 12, 2009

Questions Unasked

Dear Mom,

When people ask you how many children you have, or if you have any grandchildren, do you pause before you lie?

Love,
(whatever my name is)

8 complaints from ingrates:

Harmonygirl April 12, 2009 at 8:59 PM  

Perfect. I hope you put it on a postcard and mail it to her. Let the mailman and whoever brings the mail in read it first. You never promised her anonymity. I am so sorry for the ocean of tears you have cried.

Joan M Wheeler, born as, Doris M Sippel April 13, 2009 at 1:00 PM  

Have you ever tried to send her some of CUB's pamphlets? There's om particular, "WHy my Birthmother won't meet me? I have a copy and can copy it to send to you. Great information for understanding you, and her own mother-denial. She's been hurt bad, traumatized, buy the loss of her baby. Try not to see this as her rejecting you. You do not have all the information, so it feels like rejection.

I'm so old-school reformer, that's why I said to contact CUB. May be Origins can help up you.

You are not the problem, the system is wrong, for making women feel terrible about themselves.

I'm sorry for your pain right now.

Ungrateful Little Bastard April 13, 2009 at 1:15 PM  

Thanks guys. Joan, I have read that. Unfortunately my mom is one of those who view adoption as just great, and she did a fantastic thing, I should be grateful, and she's not my real mother, etc etc etc

Lorraine Dusky April 14, 2009 at 8:36 PM  

To answer your question, I used to pause when asked about children... before I came out of the closet...then I just told the truth...I have one daughter...and if I felt like shocking the person with the truth, I would add, but I gave her up for adoption. After I found Jane...I always said, when asked, that I had a daughter/

Period.

I wonder if anyone ever asked Jane how many mothers she had?
lorraine from firstmotherforum.com

Addie Pray April 15, 2009 at 5:51 PM  

That was cold, Theresa, and I kinda loved it.

I always wondered what my mother said....

Ungrateful Little Bastard April 15, 2009 at 6:49 PM  

Thank you kindly Mz Pray. The 12th was my adoption day so I was feeling rather chilled myself, and that chill has yet to lift.

Lorraine no one ever asked me how many mothers I had, if they were close to me they would ask about her using various prefexes of birth, real, other, etc etc. The ones I'm closest to though, they just call her mother.

Myst April 16, 2009 at 9:26 AM  

Hi...

Oh this is such a hard question to answer. I always used to answer three but when people kept asking me questions I didn't know the answers to and I had to tell complete starngers about what happened to my daughter and I, it started getting really bad. Everyone kept saying it was probably for the best that she was ripped from her family (well, not they didn't day it quite like that but its the same thing to me) and that I just needed to move on with my life. Huh??? Like my daughter is just some pet or doll I lost? I don't think so... After that I started, to pure strangers, revising the number. But to anyone else, I always say 3. I have ALWAYS seen my girl as my daughter as much as my other children. But this question puts me in a quandry every time it is asked.

I am sorry you have suffered so much :(

Hugs,
Myst xxx

윤선 April 16, 2009 at 10:59 AM  

Wow... kinda makes you wonder, hey?...

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