Friday, July 03, 2009

Share the same place for a minute or two

This has been in my head a lot:





A pervasive sense of rootlessness has been a constant in my life. With July bringing the Adoptee Rights Demonstration in the place I was made, combined with this lovely outsourced/budget-cut economy driving us out of New York, the word 'home' has me decidedly more maudlin than usual.

I remember the day we moved to Chicago, the summer before I started 7th grade. My best girlfriend was there sobbing hysterically as we hugged goodbye. But I didn't cry; I was too devastated to show any emotion at all. There was only one thought in my head at the time: "How will I ever be able to find her, so far away?"

Moving became a way of life after that. Just as I'd get settled, the world would turn upside down, and once again I'd lose everything that was familiar to me. Five high schools in four years really does a number on a kid.

I've lived in Long Island longer than I have any other place since first moving away from Pennsylvania all those years ago. While I never felt rooted, I felt in place and I felt a sense of connectedness (or a reasonable facsimile thereof) in my husband's extremely large and loving family who live so close by.

I have a sense of real mourning as we get ready to put this house I adore on the market. (Combined with a sense of real pissed-off-edness at the fact we may be forced to do a short sale due to hopelessly falling house prices. What the fuckity fuckity fuck?)

But mostly I have a lot of sorrow and loss. I do adore it here. And no offense Ohio, but you'd have to work hard to convince me you have anything that can come close to this:



Moving reminds me very, very much of adoption. Through no decision of my own, I lost my first home, my first family, my first identity when I was adopted. And here a lifetime away I'm losing everything I've worked hard to build, again through no decision of my own. Hope is evil but I keep holding out for a last minute miracle that can keep us here. But until then, I've got Philly plans to finalize, and it's summer here in paradise. It's finally stopped raining, my work day is done, and I'm heading for the beach.

8 complaints from ingrates:

Suz July 4, 2009 at 12:16 PM  

Missed the fact that you were moving. Best of luck. I just did that and it sucks. I have done it over 25 times in my life between CT and maternity homes and apartments in IL and back to CT. I like to THINK I am settled for good now.

Hugs to you.

Allison July 4, 2009 at 6:41 PM  

Oh I'm so sorry. That really really sucks.
Your post brought tears to my eyes, and touched a nerve it me.

(((hugs)))

Margie July 6, 2009 at 10:38 AM  

Oh, my. I didn't realize you had a move coming up - I would hate that, I really hate moving. And I hate the fact that this stupid economy has done this to you. Damn.

The photo smacked me in the face, looks just like the walk from the beach house to the beach at the little house we rent in NC. I often use it as my desktop photo. Gosh, is that at your house? I would hate to say goodbye to that, too.

(((((((Hugs, big hugs)))))))

And a little something else:
Adoptive Parents for Open Records
http://adoptionvoices.com/group/adoptiveparentsforopenrecords

Ungrateful Little Bastard July 6, 2009 at 10:43 AM  

Thanks guys. No it's not my house, never in a zillion years could I afford beachfront, but it's a beach off Fire Island that I love. I'm very close to Robert Moses Beach though and it looks quite similar. That picture though is my favorite Long Island beach picture, it's my desktop sometimes, and it's everything I love about here.

And I'll check out the group over at AdoptionVoices - oy vey are there some rainbow farters in that site

Lindsay July 7, 2009 at 10:03 AM  

Oh Theresa, I'm so sorry you have to leave your beloved home -- it can be a tough blow for your emotions after moving around so much.


However, I'm slightly jiffed at your connotations towards Ohio!! hehe. It's REALLLLLY not as bad as everyone thinks! Whereabouts in the state are you moving? I'm near Cleveland. We'll have to meet up once you move.....not that it makes up for having to leave NY, but I try

Ungrateful Little Bastard July 7, 2009 at 10:13 AM  

Not too far away from you, it looks like North Canton or the vicinity, but everything could change in an instant right now. And I'm glad I made you jiffed because that means the people who live there love it. If we make the move West once I get settled we bastids and offspring MUST get together for a lunch of genetic bewilderment!

Lindsay July 7, 2009 at 10:16 AM  

Seriously?!?!? That's where I live!!! HAHA...Jackson Township actually, I have a Canton mailing address, but am about 1 mile from downtown NC.


Boy oh boy, such a small world!!!

AAAH, I wouldn't say I "love" it. It's home..... Not a bad place to live, definitely a nice place to raise a family.

No jobs here though, I'll probably be outta the state come December when I graduate, unless I get a job at Case Western.

Anissa July 12, 2009 at 8:48 PM  

Sorry that you have to move. That is not when it is not a planned thing. Best of luck!!

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