Thursday, February 01, 2007

Feast of the Inaccurate Conception

Oh thank GOD January is over. I can start to get back to normal a little.

I am always so ungrateful during January.

January is when I was conceived. Oh I know, it's ookie to think of your parents having sex. It's not so much the sex I think about, it's more that unhappy moment two weeks later when someone's world turned upside down because Aunt Dot failed to come and visit.

I am so lucky. I've only been pregnant when I wanted to be pregnant. But boy do I know that "Wait -- what's today's date??" feeling well.

, you know of which I speak. When you're so busy running around and doing a million things. In the middle of your internal mind conversation of "Damn I gotta get the car inspected it's over due when am I going to have time to do that I am so busy this job sucks that crazy bitch at work is out to get me I know she is ooh look at those shoes those are nice I gotta get me a pair of those but can't afford it really things are so expensive and-----"(insert screeching sound here ) "----- wait! What's today's date??"

And you run your shaking little ass over to the drug store, and spend a sleepless night waiting for the morning to let any discernible levels of hGC build up and and pee on a stick. When it comes back "NOT PREGNANT" 60 eternal seconds later you breathe a sigh of relief and think "That asshole isn't going to get laid for two weeks after what I just went through."

Somebody didn't get a chance to feel that relief, some January decades long ago. It sucks feeling your existence ruined the life of your Creator.

But you know what, here's a secret I don't tell a lot of people. I do think about the sex sometimes. More I should say I wonder about it. Was it consensual? Was I the result of a rape? Whoa, that's a downer to consider. If I ever do get the chance to make that tentative first contact, is my contact going to bring back memories of a violation as well as an implantation?

Celebrate February, all.

January is over.

9 complaints from ingrates:

suz February 1, 2007 at 3:29 PM  

i read this post twice today and just got the title. OMG. I love it! You are so creative.

i once blogged about my daughters conception. I should repost it. I took it down with a lot of other posts..but that was popular..maybe I will put it back.

thanks for sharing. made me think alot.

Possum February 1, 2007 at 5:49 PM  

oh the thoughts that always run through adoptee brains - especially those that haven't had all the blank parts of knowledge filled in.

BUT - I just love how you put a different lilt on it all.

Great post - again!!
Hugs, C.

Doughnut February 1, 2007 at 6:56 PM  

I hope you get to ask your mom about all the details someday. I could hardly believe my mom one day when we were driving down my aunt's driveway (to the same house my dad was born and raised in) with my wife and kids in the car, she said: how does it feel to be driving down the same driveway you were conceived in?!! Whoa! Info overload LOL..... What can I say, I am a Libra too so we know it was a cold January night in South Dakota and my parents were married in September (the month before my birth) by a justice of the peace who also doubled up as an undertaker. So they married in a funeral parlor. My dad was drunk. The funeral director asks my mom if she takes my dad to be her awfully wedded husband. She looks down at her bulging abdomen with me it, looks back up and says: Do I have a choice?!

Real life is underrated. No fiction could dream this stuff up. lol

Anonymous,  February 1, 2007 at 9:18 PM  

Oh my. *sigh*

God bless my parents -- if I was a mistake or an accident or what-have-you, they never, ever let on. I'm the youngest of 4 so it's possible, you see. I just choose to think they "saved the best for last" or some such hokey thing. ;)

Glad February is here for you too, Theresa. :)

Ungrateful Little Bastard February 1, 2007 at 10:20 PM  

Suz-hah thank you so much. The words look so much the same it's easy to miss them.

C-It's so true. We have these huge gaping fill in the blanks, and so much can go in there.

Lee-that story is too hysterical. It's like each line it gets better. The driveway... the funeral parlor... your drunk dad and then your mom's final comment. That is such a riot!

Mom-Definitely the best. Totally ;)


Unknown February 2, 2007 at 1:56 AM  

That's funny, I am remembering how I "conceived" of my conception before I knew my mother, I was sure it was at a school dance and it was a brief akward interlude, they didn't know each other at all.

I was floored to find out I was the result of a long term relationshp.

Ungrateful Little Bastard February 5, 2007 at 2:46 AM  

Oh Joy I bet you were floored. We fill in the blanks so much because we're given so little to go with.

Oh and a PS to Suz - I'd love to read that if you repost it.


Silenced No More December 26, 2009 at 7:21 PM  

I know you wrote this ages ago but it so captures what I am feeling at this point. I, too, was conceived right about this time and still have gazillions of unanswered questions. Once again you have captured my thoughts completely.

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