Thursday, June 28, 2007

So what's next?

I’m starting to work through some tentative plans for the future. I don’t have anything firm. I’m just working things through at this point.

I’ve got some trigger dates that I’ve been playing around with. One is my birthday in October. Out of all the unknowns there are, the one thing I know, no matter if it’s good thoughts or bad thoughts, she’s thinking about me on my birthday. I’d actually venture to say every time her phone rings on October 12th she’s going to be thinking it’s me.

But then I think it might be too vulnerable of a day for her. So I scratch that off the list.

Another time is around Christmas. I think sometimes of sending her a card with a letter inside. She’s got such a huge extended family maybe she gets lots of Christmas cards, and mine wouldn’t be too conspicuous. But then I wonder if she’s like me. Oh my god you’re going to hate me when you read this, but I hate Christmas cards. I never send them. I think they are a monumental waste of time. Lots of times when I get cards, I don’t even open them. I know that’s horrific but I’m laughing as I’m writing this.

I just can’t think of a more meaningless activity on the face of the earth than sending out Christmas cards. So, what if she’s like me? What if she thinks Christmas cards are for the birds and just ignores them? What if she's is an asshole like me and just tosses them? Wow, that would suuuuuuck.

So right now I’m looking at August. I’ve got a week off then. I’ll have free time during the day.




Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Some blogs are so full of crap

It's the truth, and you know it.

There are some bloggers out there who do nothing but write about shit, I swear. Like this one.

(Not to be visited by the weak of heart, stomach, or while eating)

All kidding aside, my sympathies to all aboard flight 1970. And to the blogger who has joined the ranks of those told to 'just get over it'.


Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Why not vacation in Maine this summer?

I’d like to take a moment to point out all the great features of the beautiful state of Maine. When planning your summer vacation this year, why not consider Maine?

Enjoy the pristine waters of Popham Beach

Hike Mount Katahdin

Visit breathtakingly beautiful Acadia National Park.

Did you know you can request a free 2007 Travel Planner, or plan your vacation online?

Yes, today Maine is the most beautiful state in the Nation, and most worthy of our hard-earned vacation dollars.

Maine Tourism
Maine Tourism

Oh and by the way, is this the most attractive man you've ever seen in your life, or what? I mean, come on now. He's smoking.

And this woman is absolutely stunning, you must agree.

Not that I'm so shallow as to place any relevance on physical attractiveness or anything. I'm just saying.



Bastard Nation: the Adoptee Rights Organization congratulates Maine on becoming the fourth state since 1998 to restore the right of original birth certificate access to adult adoptees. Following in the footsteps of Oregon, Alabama, and New Hampshire (Kansas and Alaska never sealed records) Maine’s activist organization OBC for ME has shown that through focus, perseverance, and a refusal to compromise the rights of all for the privilege of a few, that a clean unconditional access bill can be passed. Overwhelmingly passed,

Despite naysayers, on June 18, near the close of the legislative session, the Maine House overrode and over ran the HB’s 1084 “Do Not Pass” recommendation from the Joint Standing Committee on Judiciary, 104-39. The next day, the Senate followed, passing, the bill 20-15. On June 20, the bill returned to both houses and passed “by the hammer” with no amendments. Bim! Bam! Boom!

Bastard Nation was highly critical of the 2006 records access campaign which began with a clean bill and finished threatened with compromises that made it unrecognizable. This time, OBC for ME (love the name!) ran a mostly under-the-radar operation. Activists emphasized the “localiness” of adoptee rights and the state’s responsibility to its adopted people.

HB 1084 had an extremely strong sponsor, Rep. David Farrington, and the quiet personal lobbying of adoptee Sen. Paula Benoit to shepherd it through with non-partisian support. Benoit’s dignified presentation for records access is credited by friends and foes of access with keeping the debate from the bitterness and acrimony that marked last year’s circus.

Rep. Farrington’s June 18 statement on the House floor ranks him as one of BN’s heroes, though we were not involved in the bill. You can listen to Rep. Farrington and Sen. Benoit and other supporting speakers, along with a bit of anti-adoptee gas baggery (especially from the House side) at

Governor John Baldacci signed the bill on Monday, June, 25, 2007. It will take effect on January 1, 2009 and gives anyone adopted in Maine 18 and older, upon request, the right to their original birth certificate.

Bastard Nation salutes the come-backs kids of Maine! And we thank those legislators who agreed to undo the wrong done to Maine’s adoptees in 1953 when their records were sealed from them. Other states take note: You can win without compromising your principles and the rights adopted persons. Maine rocks!

Bastard Nation: the Adoptee Rights Organization
PO Box 1469
Edmond, OK 73083-1469


Monday, June 25, 2007

First Phone Call - on video

Holy smokes, get out the hankies.

Part 1

Part 2
(big surprise in part two, but I don't want to give away anything)

How often do we get to see this - someone talking to his mom for the very first time!


Adopted The Movie has five new clips at YouTube

Quickie here - Adopted - The New American Family has added five new clips on their YouTube page.

The five new ones today are:

The Adoptee's Sense of Beauty

Loss of Birth Culture

Asian Sterotypes

Race versus Culture

Adopted Children and Racism

You can click here to see all the clips available. I'm very much looking forward to the release of this film. They're on Myspace too, so send 'em a friend request while you're at it.



This is a good little site to add to your search bookmarks.

yoName will search across multiple social networking sites. As of today, the list is below. I'd expect more sites to be added as time goes by. This is a keeper.

Bebo Digg FaceBook Friendster Hi5 LinkedIn LiveJournal Match MySpace Rediff Tagged Twitter Webshots Windows Live Spaces Xanga Yahoo YouTube

You can search by email address, username, or first and last name combo. It does a pretty good job too. Quite the timesaver for those of us who have a name, but not a lot of time to wade through multiple sites searching.


Edit 9:30 AM. I'm amending this post a bit. I was going to add this as a reply comment but thought it would be better up here. This is without a doubt a fantastic search resource, but just be aware it can be triggering and upsetting when you find a match. I speak from personal experience as I found a cousin on both Myspace and Facebook. To see someone you are related to, but who does not know you exist, is an incredibly lonely feeling.

Adoption doth suck.


Edit 2 - 11:24 AM. OK I really gotta test these things before posting. You know me, no self control. Anyway, if you put in an email address to search, it will email the account to let them know someone is being nosy. Thanks to MagicPointeShoe for pointing that out!! Here's what the email they get looks like. Good news at least - it doesn't show your location the way ZabaSearch will if someone is monitoring that.


Friday, June 22, 2007

The Cut-Off Time

It's the longest 30 minutes of the day.

9:30 to 10:00 at night. The countdown to the cut off time.

11:00 AM is bad, but it's over with quickly. 11:00 AM is when the mailman comes. 11:01 is when I know there's no letter that day. But I've still got that 11 hour window of opportunity for the phone call.

At 9:30 I start. Usually I'm on the couch watching a movie with my son at that time, or on the computer if he's out. But at 9:31 my eyes start to drift over to the clock.

Whatever happens between 9:31 and 10:00, I never remember.

9:45 is ok; there's still 15 minutes left before most people think it's too late to call.

9:50 blows.

9:55 there's always still hope she's sitting by her phone.

But by 10:00 it's gone.

I read a story once about a woman who sent a letter to her mom. She waited three months with no contact, so she sent a Christmas card. And waited another six months after that, before she got the courage to call her.

Her mom screamed at her. She called her horrible names. She asked her how she could do that to her. She called her a nightmare.

A nightmare.

Can you imagine, your own mother, calling you a nightmare?

It makes me wonder if there's a cut-off time for search too. Did it take me too long? Lots of people in reunion are twenty-somethings. Twenty-somethings are cute and cuddly and beautiful and fun to have reunion with. We fourty-somethings though... we're not so cute and cuddly anymore. Especially overweight ones like me with bad thyroids and crappy metabolisms caused by years of binge dieting and eating disorders.

Did my search take too long? Did the years I took breaks because the emotions overwhelmed me ruin it? Did my dips back into the pretty and serene fog screw myself over?

Separation from my mom has been a nightmare.

Am I hers?


Thursday, June 21, 2007

I can't stop laughing at this

I got IM'ed at work with this when I first logged in, and I've been laughing for the past 4 hours.

Either it's just that funny, or I've seriously lost it.

Dramatic Chipmunk


Be sure to tell 'em all about that confidentiality you were never promised, too, please?

Did you have to give up your baby?

Do you remember when young unmarried women were forced to give up their babies?

Between the end of World War II and the mid-1970s, more than 1.5 million young, single women were sent quietly away and forced to surrender their babies for adoption. Plagued by guilt, shame and grief, many never recovered.

If you are a woman willing to share your story with us about having to give up your baby during this time period, please send a brief e-mail to: tellus@startribune. com. Put "baby" in the message line. Please include your full name and a daytime phone number.


Wednesday, June 20, 2007

I just can't love searching real kids enough

Take a peek, and send her some good thoughts. Pennsylania is one tough cookie of a state to search in.

PS I cried like a baby when I watched it.


A discourse on the role of adoptive parents in search and reunion, by Ungrateful Little Bastard.

A while back, a prospective adoptive parent had left a comment asking me:

As a potential adopter, I was wondering what the appropriate course of action for adoptive parents is, in your eyes... I just started reading a lot of blogs, so pardon me if this has been asked before. Basically, should the adoptive parents help the child find their birth parents, does it depend on the child/situation?

Unfortunately for them they left it right at the time when I had found my mom, so I wasn’t able to coherently answer it then.

Not that I’m any more coherent now, mind you.

But I thought I’d give it a try, and open the floor to the ideas of others too. So, without further adieu, I present to you the following:

The lying, untrue, not worth the price of the paper it’s printed on falsified birth certificate

Can it. Seriously. Someone who knows more about the current adoption process clue me in here, but why oh why oh why does it have to be generated in the first place? If it’s a crime to falsify a birth certificate, how come it’s OK in adoption?

I’m so serious here. If the purpose of a birth certificate is to record a birth, why doesn’t it contain the names of the two people responsible? Am I alone here in thinking this is nucking futs? If someone gets divorced, is their original marriage certificate locked away never to be seen again except by court order? What the fuck? So if you adopt someone, and have to prove that you are the parents, what’s wrong with both the birth certificate and a copy of the adoption decree?

No matter how long I live, I’ll never understand the falsified birth certificate.

But I so know that ain’t gonna happen. So, then what I’d say next is

Guard the names of the natural parents and any related documentation as if they were priceless.

Because they are. If you’re not in an open adoption, make sure you never, ever, EVER lose any of that paperwork. Adoption records have the tendency towards natural disasters, so makes copies of those suckers. Keep them in a safe deposit box, a fire proof safe, scan them and store copies of them in a zillion places, but whatever you do, keep that information. Unless you’ve had to fight, beg, borrow or steal to get your identity, you’ll never know how important that is.

Allow for freak out

I don’t know what percentage of adoptees are about to reach the age of adulthood here and are in closed domestic adoptions, but closed domestic adoption is the only thing I know. So it’s my only basis for reference. But I’d say if you’ve got a child approaching 18 and wanting to search, let them know that they are going to go a wee bit insane, and they’d be insane not to. If they haven’t read Primal Wound already, make sure they do so. And have a ton of really good reunion books and websites ready to direct them to. I’d say just remind them that they suffered a horrific trauma and that search is going to bring all these terrors to the surface.

And that’s just the start. So allow for a certain amount of freak out.

Back off

Search is The Hero’s Journey, and like most mythic endeavors has to be taken alone. Be there to offer support, because they’re going to need it, but this is their path and they’ve got to walk it at their own pace. Don’t push them to search if they take the necessary breaks, don’t urge them to slow down if you think they’re moving too fast.

At first reunion, back off again



There's more I can think of, but I may just be repeating myself at this point. So, whadda think? Any other suggestions you can offer?


Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Cool real kid finds adopted sister

Check this story out - it's awesome.

It's a two parter:

Proof of ID

ID, Proved

I'm a sucker for happy endings.


How is it different?

Let me ask you something. And to cut any bullshit off at the pass, this is not an anti-Japanese post or any such nonsense. I'm just picking Japan because it's a rich county on the other side of the world, OK?

You're out shopping one day in KMart with your child. Let's say your child is about 2 or 3. You turn around for a second, and your child is gone. It happens, right? Everyone who has a toddler has gone though this. You know how it grips at your heart? That crazy fear? But usually in under 20 seconds you locate them, even though those 20 seconds feel like an eternity.

Now suppose you never find them. Ever. Your child has completely disappeared off the face of the earth. There's a huge bruhaha. It's all over the news. Missing child cards are printed with your baby on them. An Amber Alert goes off. You are plastered all over the news. But your child is never found.

Eventually the news dies down, replaced by other news. The case remains open with the FBI, but it gets low priority. Still, occasionally there are leads, and they follow them. For five years.

And one day the lead pans out. Your child was kidnapped, and taken to Japan to be adopted. And she (because when we're talking about imaginary adoptees, they are always she's) is living an amazing life. True, she's been renamed. Yes, she's changed religions. But her adoptive family is richer than you could ever imagine. And when the news breaks out, they are horrified beyond belief to learn that this precious little girl they love so much was stolen.

She was in foster care; her father had disappeared; and her mother had a household of children she could scarcely afford to feed. The child had been abused and faced a bleak future as an illegitimate, impoverished child. That's what they had been told.

To find out she was the beloved child of two working class individuals was beyond horror for them. "It was devastating. As much as we love her and can't imagine life without her, we never would have taken a child away from a family that wanted to raise her," said the mother, who lives in Tokyo.

The mother spoke on the condition their names are not used. The stay-at-home mom has six kids; five were adopted. Her American child is the latest addition. "We just wanted to increase our family. It's not like we were trying to save the world," she said. "I hope the courts get to the bottom of this."

Her daughter fondly remembers being rocked by her birth mother and talks nostalgically about climbing trees and playing in the rain, "but she's happy here," she said. Her daughter aspires to become a doctor or engineer, but struggles with feelings of abandonment, said her mother. "She'll do great things. I just want to see her succeed and have the opportunity to do that and have all this other stuff go away."

You notice what your name has become, right? You're a birth mother. Welcome to the land of invisibility and irrelevancy. Now go away and shut up.

"During the investigation we all kind of rationalized within ourselves that, yes, the adoption agency probably did something unethical. But when the indictment came down, it was like a whole other horror for all of us."

Now, are you telling me you wouldn't want your child returned? Let's say this adoptive couple has a Trump-quality net worth, but you and your husband both have to work. You two rent a small ranch house while in Tokyo, the adoptive parents live in palatial luxury. You'd be lucky if you could send your child to community college, but her adoptive parents can write a check from the household account to pay for a Master's Degree. Your husband works a menial office job. Her husband is a Vice President of Sony.

Do they have the right to your kidnapped child, simply because they are richer with a better quality of life? Do they have the right to your child simply because your child loves them? You're going to walk away from this?

How is it different?

Why is it when these scandals are revealed, talk of returning the child to their parents is never mentioned?


Monday, June 18, 2007

So what's up with RegDay 2007?

I'd love to help out at RegDay this year. Anyone up here in the Northeast planning on hosting a table?

I'm too busy with other things to be a site facilitator, but if anyone wants to do something I'd be there to help out. If it's here on the Island I'd definitely be there, but I could travel a bit to New England or the NJ/PA area too. RegDay '05 had a zillion sites, but there weren't as many for the '06. It would be so awesome if '07 had tons and tons of sites.

As most know I'm not overly fond of the whole registry shuffle for numerous reasons, but still it' a good first step for most, and I feel ISRR is a must.

At least, until we have equal access to our records. Hold the good though for that.

Also good news. I got an email this morning that the hospital papers have been translated! Thanks so much to everyone who spread the word!

Last but not least, I got another promotion. My new job starts July 9th. Hopefully I'll be a little more focused by then.



Saturday, June 16, 2007

It's been a really weird day

I've been stranded in Massachusetts for about 7 hours now. I've got one more hour to go.

Why am I stranded here, you ask. Don't. It's a long, weird, story. Just like this long, weird day.

When I realized this morning that I had about 8 hours where I'd be stranded, I tried to find something to do. Luckily I found a museum complex not far from where I'm stuck. Coolness of coolness, it has free public wireless internet access too.

So I got a day pass to go to this museum complex. It's a pretty little place here. I can't tell you where it is though, for reasons that will be revealed later on in the post, so hang on.

Anyway, I'm wandering around this museum by myself first thing this morning. And I'm a little blue. Not sad blue, but that kind of bittersweet mom blue when you run across something that reminds you of when your kids were little. Some of the museum exhibits are geared towards little kids, and it reminded me of when I used to do the museum hop with my son.

You remember how when you took your kids to museums when they were small? Of if you have young ones, the way you do now. You go at their pace, either as slow or as fast as they want to go through something, and there's always one or two exhibits that catch your eye. You make that mental note, "I'm going to come back here by myself someday".

But you never do. Once the someday comes that your little ones are tucked away in school during the days, spending a day alone at a museum is like this really extravagant selfish luxury. At least it was for me. Power to you sister if you managed a museum day by yourself when yours started school.

So here I am years and years past the time when I was making those mental notes, and I finally am at a museum all by myself. Guilt-free too, because hey. I'm freaking stranded here.

So did that make me happy?

Holy shit have you even been paying attention all these months? Of course it didn't make me happy, because it made me miss the little times. I rarely miss the little times, because the teen times are just so much fun. But every now and then I get these little memories of when he was small, and they make me a bit weepy.

So after doing the museum rounds, I decided to head out to the park and fire up the laptop and read a few blogs. But just as I started, I realized something. The town I'm stranded in is my mom's last name. The street address of this museum is my mom's address. Not just the number either, I'm talking the number and the name of the street. And it's not like it's Main Street or something common. Kind of weird. So I got distracted after only one blog, and went back to doing what I've been doing a great job of since May 5th, and that's staring aimlessly into space.

And as I'm staring aimlessly, I see two older women walking up the sidewalk. One looks so much like me. She's got really long curly hair pulled back in a pony tail just like mine. And she's got glasses just like mine. And as they go by, I hear the Philly accent loud and clear

"Oh wouldya lookit this. It's beeeyoutyful"

But I was good. I didn't go following them. There was a time I did when I was younger. I'd see an older woman who looked like me, or hear that Philly accent from someone, and before I knew it I was suddenly crossing their path, so I could say "Excuse me", or hold a door open for them, or somehow get into eye range. These pathetic, sad "Are you my mommy?' longings. I haven't done them in a long time.

Not even today, with so many triggers all at once.

Man I hate waits of all kinds.

But now I can leave, so I'm signing off. I'm heading back on the road again. This is a really weird day.


Friday, June 15, 2007

You know what sucks?

Living in paradise, but having to leave it for the weekend.

Robert Moses Causeway, from Newsday

Have a good weekend, all.


Thursday, June 14, 2007

Help! Translation from Mahrati needed!

Update 6/18: I got an email this morning that the papers have been tranlated! Thanks so much for your help!

Please send this link around, let's see if we can't get these hospital papers translated for this guy.

The direct link to his video is at

From his video:

A call for help with the translation of a medical document (in Mahrati dialect) which could contain information about my biological parents.

In the vlog: images of my Belgian foster home (and our adorable cats) mixed with my call for help.

Birth info found so far: I am Nasir Khan, son of Zakir Khan and Kamrunbee, born in the muslim community of Akola, India on January 2nd 1982.


Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Little housekeeping here

Few quickies....

Before changing clothes here, I added quite a few new blogs. If I could please draw your attention to the fine writers on the right. Yell at me if I dropped you from my link list by mistake during the template swaperoo, and take a peek at the new blogs I've added.

Also, I'd like to take this minute to remind everyone that Bastard Nation has a Myspace page and, drumroll please, as of today, so does AFC. If you're not a member of Myspace, you should sign up. Why should our kids have all the fun there? Oh! And add me as a friend too!


Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Anatomy 101


Monday, June 11, 2007


Four What’s

1.) What the letter said:

Dear K-,

We have not seen each other since October 12, 1963 but I have thought about you frequently through the years.

At the time we knew each other you were K.- M.- and my name became Theresa H-. My married name now is Theresa D.- and I live with my husband in Long Island, NY. I have an incredible son and four wonderful stepkids.

I have thought for many, many years about writing to you or calling you, but was unsure if you would wish me to. I do so hope you would wish to be in contact – I would be thrilled to speak with you or receive a letter from you. In trying to decide how to contact you, I felt perhaps you would prefer a letter as opposed to a phone call to give you some time to think. It’s been so many years!

My contact information is below.

My home address is: blah blah.

My phone number is blah blah

I work for (insert white collar sweatshop here) out of my home office, so I am home most weekdays. I travel frequently for business, but when I am on the road I do get paged immediately if I have a voicemail. The only time when I’m usually not home is on weekends, but I’m back by Sunday evenings.

I hope this letter finds you well, and that you would wish to renew contact.

Warm regards,

2.) What my cool husband said:

No matter what her reaction, you have to believe you did her a favor. Even though you didn't come out and say these things, in between the lines of your letter, you let her know that

- you're alive
- you feel warmly towards her
- you're happy
- you're successful

Even if she wants nothing to do with you, she had to be at least wondering about those four things.

3.) What I dreamt:

I dreamt I was going to the beach, and I had a baby. There was a sign on the beach that said NO BABIES ON BEACH WITHOUT PERMIT. So I went into the beach office to get a permit for the baby. There was a really long line at the permit office and then when I finally did get to the front of the line, they were really confused because they couldn’t find the baby permit papers. Then a lady in the office was mad at me because it was a really hot day and I had kept a baby in the car all that time. And I said, no, it’s OK, I’ve got the baby in a cooler on ice.

4.) What I’m going to do next.

Cool it for a while. Or at least I’m going to try.


Sunday, June 10, 2007

You know it's too soon to get your hopes up

But you can't stop them anyway. Maybe next week.


Six part series on YouTube with Ron Murdock

Phone in program with Ron Murdock, Canadian activist for open adoption records in Nova Scotia and in Canada.

The series has been broken down into 6 parts on YouTube.


Adoptee finds birth mother after years of searching

Adoptee finds birth mother after years of searching
Adoptees and birth parents increasingly want to meet, and more tools are available to help

Laura MacRory had long wondered about the woman who gave her life in 1977 — who she was, how she looked, what she was like.

MacRory had been adopted at birth by a family in Wichita Falls, and, by every measure, her upbringing had been stable and happy. But still she wondered, and for years she searched.

It wasn't easy. But three months ago, with the help of a private investigator, MacRory found her birth mother, Carol Cannon, in Fort Smith, Ark. And last week, for the first time, the two met in an emotional reunion in the Houston area, where MacRory, 30, and her husband, Sean, live.

Full story is in the link


Saturday, June 09, 2007

It's a gray and gloomy day on the Island

No beach today. Bummer.

So I'm going to finish up some laundry, and then take a long bath.

And then I'm going to put on my jammies, and turn off alllllllll the lights.

And watch one of my all time favorite adoptees. I ordered it last week, and it came in the mail today.


If you want to know why I think that's funny, you have to join AFC.

But even if you don't want to know why that's funny, you should join anyway. Because I'd be lost without it.


I know only I care

But it's my blog so I'm posting it anyway

MLG Meadowlands results: $1700

How it breaks down: they each got paid $175 for two days of playing video games, plus they each get $250 in travel expenses for MLG Dallas in July.

Not too shabby.


Friday, June 08, 2007

If I were a guy

This is what I would look like.

I am so totally not attracted to this dude.

I mean, isn't like GSA supposed to kick in, or do you have to see the person face to face or something?

He doesn't look like my son. Well, OK in the hair department a little, and yeah, maybe the one squinty eye when smiling a bit. Maybe the nose? I wonder if my half brother looks like this at all. I kind of feel bad for him if he does.

I don't know. I just wouldn't go out with this Pauly Shore knockoff.

You can try this on yourself. You can also change your race and turn yourself into a half-ape monster. I played with it a bit on other people too. I made my son into an old man and my step-daughters into babies and then I turned my husband into a woman. And then I stopped entirely because I was frightened by any subconscious aspects of what I was doing.


I remain bitter, angry and resentful

That I could not get paid for playing video games at his age.

Biiiiiiig weekend here. My sympathies to anyone non MLG related staying at any Meadowlands area hotel this weekend.

Yes, it's the MLG Pro 2007 Circuit. Once a month, they emerge from their bedrooms and gather together, to watch each other play video games. And get paid for it.

So not fair. Wish him luck. I repeat: they get paid for doing this.


Thursday, June 07, 2007

HBO: Shot in the Dark

If you have HBO or HBO on demand, you must watch this film by Adrian Grenier on the reunion with his estranged father.

Shot in the Dark: A Documentary Film by Adrian Grenier


Allow me to present: Honesty in Adoption

Honesty in Adoption - Coming Soon!

Good things are on the horizon! Stay tuned!


Protest the National Council for Adoption (NCFA)

This one's a little too soon for me to be able to take time off from work, but wanted to spread the word. Best wishes to all who attend.

Protest the National Council for Adoption (NCFA)
Thursday, July 26, 2007 5:00 pm ET - 9:00 pm ET
Washington, DC

Event Details

Supporting Organizations
Adoption Crossroads
Parents and Professionals for Family Preservation and Protection
Contact us to add your organization!

We'll assemble outside the Hyatt Regency Washington on Capitol Hill, 400 New Jersey Ave, where NCFA will be holding its National Adoption Conference, to protest the NCFA agenda. The hotel is a short walk from the Union Station Metro and Amtrak station.

About the National Council for Adoption (NCFA):

The NCFA is using taxpayer dollars, through the Infant Adoption Awareness Act, to promote counseling for pregnant women that does not inform them of abortion, discourages them from raising their own children, and pushes adoption. In a Guttmacher Institute study, the majority of family planning providers interviewed had negative experiences with the NCFA's training curriculum. For example, one counselor said she said she was given "tips and techniques...about how to work against [women's] resistance, make them proud of their decision and convince them that adoption is a good choice." One family planning provider from Planned Parenthood of Collier Country, Florida, said she was told to repeatedly bring up adoption as an option, even if a woman says she is not interested. According to Guttmacher, "These examples border on coercion and clearly violate both Title X [of the Public Health Service Act] guidelines and principles of medical ethics."

Adam Pertman, executive director of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, said "NCFA is an umbrella organization for adoption agencies that are mostly Christian and Mormon—many of which have certain moral, religious and philosophical views that do not comport with the notion of presenting women facing an unintended pregnancy with all of their options in a neutral, unbiased way." Pertman also expressed concern about the kind of adoption advocated by NCFA: "The type of adoption that the NCFA curriculum promotes is the old-style, closed, secretive and still-stigmatized form that is no longer accepted by most adoption practitioners, who favor greater honesty and openness in the process."

According to the NCFA's own website, it supports legalized infant abandonment (called "safe havens"). NCFA also opposes the right of adoptees to access their original birth certificates, even when they are adults.

Things to bring:

Make signs and bring brochures for your organization.

What to wear:

Adoption truth t-shirts and pins are encouraged.

Please register, so we know how many people to expect. Everyone is welcome, even if they are not registered.

Legal stuff: We applied for an assembly permit from the DC police and expect to receive approval in July. DC law prohibits blocking the street or the hotel entrance.

NOTE: Anyone needing a ride from central NJ, please contact


Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Does anyone know anything about this children's book?

Walk Two Moons by Sharon Creech

I checked the author's website to see where she got the idea for the book. After reading it, I felt sure that the author was either an adoptee, or a mom, or knew someone close to her who was either, but I don't see that on the website. Anyone know?

Major spoiler alert here, but two very intriguing characters are an adoptee and his mom in first contact.

My husband has been teaching this book in his middle school class for more years than I can remember now. There's always a pretty lively adoption discussion when the climax is reached that a mysterious young man is actually the son of a character who, quite suddenly and unexpectedly, begins to act rather distracted when he appears on the scene.

Abebech at A New Flower Blooms has an interesting book on her blog today, Marianne Novy's Reading Adoption: Family and Difference in Fiction and Drama

I've added it to my wish list; I hadn't heard of that one before. I always find it interesting how adoption is portrayed in fiction.

Oh. and speaking of people acting rather distracted...



When before I asked of myself:

So, is The Wait a sub-set of The Lull, or a stage unto itself?

The answer is: a stage unto itself.


Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Buy Stolen - Online Now

I honestly feel mixed being so excited about a book that is so serious, but I'm so proud of Erika right now I can barely stand it.

Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to announce that Stolen is now available for purchase.


What's Amazing?

Why, cats in things they're not supposed to be, of course.

Thank you, Agile Like This, for a fun cat video.

Not safe for work due to brief silly nudity.


Only in adoption

Where sending a 'Thinking of You' card to your own mother makes someone feel like a criminal.


Monday, June 04, 2007

When words fail, turn to art

The Thinker, Auguste Rodin

The Letter, Mary Cassatt

The Scream, Edward Munch

So, is The Wait a sub-set of The Lull, or a stage unto itself? I don't know yet. Time will tell.


They're only thinking of the mothers

I'm running a little late here.

Anyone want to educate these two fine Connecticut residents on a little reality?

I'll be by after a meeting.

Let Birth Mothers Keep Anonymity

Veto Adoption Bill if Needed

Silly, silly people.


Sunday, June 03, 2007

Decisions suck when you're a libra

Weight of the world, man. Thank you guys.


Saturday, June 02, 2007

Preparing for First Contact

Here are a bunch of great links given to me last month by the equally great Sue at the PAFind list. If you’re searching in Pennsylvania it would behoove you greatly to be a member here.

Some of these ideas I agree with; others I don’t. However I think it’s a good idea to read all sides and weigh them against my own feelings. In no particular order, the links are:

Phone Call and Letter Ideas

Reunion – Making First Contact

Making First Contact

Reunion – Hearts on the Line

Making Contact

Making Contact After the Search

For Adoptees Making First Contact

10 Questions To Ask Yourself

Reading these unfortunately just makes me feel worse. I’m rather mixed up right now. There’s part of me that wants to just make the call now, and another part of me that knows I really shouldn’t do it while I feel so badly. Right now all I’m doing is feeling the same thing over and over. And I think once I make that call, I’m going to feel a whole new set of something unpleasant. I don’t know.

I’ve got a lot of garbage feelings I need to let go of right now, I just don’t know how to do that.

And I don’t know how to get my feelings straight either. I used to wonder once why it is that I never felt real anger. Instead, I felt overwhelming sadness. Things that by right should make me furious, instead made me feel horribly hurt and alone.

I’ve always felt mixed over inner child work. At times it seems real airy fairy to me, but also sometimes the things I’m most resistant to are the things that help me the most. I do see a benefit to showing empathy to a past self, especially a past self that had no empathy shown to her.

And that to this day, has no empathy shown by the majority of the population.

Getting past unnecessary shame too, that’s a biggie. The knowledge that I have absolutely nothing to be shamed of doesn’t want to reconcile herself with the illegitimate little bastard inside who wants not to rock the boat because she doesn’t have the right to.

Asking for help is so hard for me. I’m such a control freak. If I want something done right I’ve got to do it myself, blah blah blah. There’s also the idea I’m not entitled to anything. I can pay for someone to listen to me, because then they have to. Honestly who wants to hear the same thing over and over unless they're getting paid for it.

I’m turning comments off for a little bit. I don’t know for how long. I may make a post again this afternoon and change my mind, but it’s the way I feel right now. It’s for a number of reasons. Most important is just plain guilt. I’m a total comment whore and I haven’t been doing a ton lot of commenting recently, even though there are no unread items in my google reader. I’m reading but I’m not comfortable commenting a lot. And that makes me feel guilty, so to avoid the guilt, I’m just stopping that there.

Also I’m kind of drawing inward right now, I don’t know if it’s right or wrong, but I feel like I’m just getting ready.

There’s so much going on. I need to go dorm room shopping and help my son get a new car and get all the paperwork together for our upstate house sale and then get my son off to college in July (yeah, they start early. It’s a year round program so they get their degree faster). I need to update my resume too. We’ve had some…. upheavals… in the company lately. I’m pretty sure my job is safe, but just in case, I need to be ready. I haven’t updated my resume in three years, and I’ve had two promotions since then. Even if my job is safe, there’s a pretty large probability I’ll be moved to a different division so I need a new resume just for the business unit change.

I know things are going to calm down soon and I’ll have more space to process all of this. But I’m never satisfied. I know when things do calm down, I’ll feel guilty and maudlin that I was so preoccupied during this busy time.

I’m just looking forward to the day when I feel a little less insane.

I thought I had a cavity. I don’t. I’ve just been grimacing through a clenched jaw a lot lately.


Friday, June 01, 2007

Smile, you're on Google Streetview

GoogleMap's new Street View feature was announced into beta a little while back.

It hasn't taken long for the first batch of funny pictures to start being collected. And posted.

Monty was not amused.


Lull status - 1-###-

The ability to dial four numbers before hanging up has been reached. Because I am a big

I got my name in lights with


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