Thursday, August 26, 2010

"I've always been into things from China"


In a scene near the end of "Wo Ai Ni Mommy," Jeff Sadowsky explains that Faith had recently asked him, "Why would you want a daughter from China?" His explanation: "Well, I've always been into things from China. I guess, from the martial arts -- I've always been -- I love China." Donna quickly steps in to course-correct: "I told her, 'I wanted a daughter, and you needed a family. We didn't see you as being Chinese, we saw you as a beautiful girl who wanted a family.'"


Read more at Born Across Borders


Wednesday, August 25, 2010

There can be only one

Originally posted at AAAFC, reposting here because moving makes me cranky and bitching is good for the complexion

Via email:

Dear Theresa,

I am working for the communication department of (retracted because I'm being nice) and I am currently opening an account on its behalf on Twitter. I found out that the name ULB was already taken and I allow myself to contact you just to check a few things with you. I would like to know what the name ULB means to you because I haven't seen any connections between this acronym and your name or your activities on adoptee rights. We would like very much to use this name as it stands for our (retracted because I'm being nice). Do you think it might be possible that you give it to us? I know it's quite a strange request but I'd rather ask, just in case it is possible. I thank you in advance for your concern and look forward to hearing from you.

And my reply, because I wasn't feeling so nice:

ULB is a name I have used for a long time and is very much known in the adoption blogging community. While the Twitter feed may be sporadically updated now, it's my identity. No, you can't use it.

Seriously... asking an adoptee to give up their identity?

Not cool.

For the importance and reclaiming of acronyms, be sure to visit Addie, who not only KAD's as a NCFA, she'll also kick my ass if I don't get my reunion piece into her Pieces of Reunion book.

Did you get yours in yet?


Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Traumatic for real kid to witness tossed adoptee, adoptee just fine

The Independent in the United Kingdom reports on the un-humanness of adoptees.

In "Adoption: How I lost my little sister", Michael Bywater shares a traumatic memory of witnessing what we already know too well: the discountability of adoptees.

In the article, he recounts a stunningly clueless exchange with writer and shrink Susie Orbach, who in one line pretty much says it all:

"I had another sister once," I said. "They sent her back." 

For once, the studio – normally a civil sort of a bear-pit, everyone anxious to say their piece – fell silent.

"I was ... three and a half? Four? They adopted a baby. I remember her name. Beverley Henderson. 'This is your new sister,' they said. And then after a few weeks – I don't know how long in reality – she was gone. They sent her back. I never saw her again."

After the broadcast, walking to the lifts, Susie Orbach said: "You know what I said about coming to see me? Forget it. We've got to the bottom of it, on-air. No wonder. What a thing to do to a child."

"Send her back?" I said.

"No. She was probably fine. I mean to you. To give you the idea that it could happen to you, too. That you could be sent back. For no reason. Just ... sent back." 

This falls into the adoptees are magic category. The same sort of magic that tells pregnant women in childbirthing classes how important it is not to separate from their newborns after birth, but that it's A-OK to do it to us.

I do think it was a traumatic thing that Michael Bywater witnessed. I have no doubt it probably terrified the shit out of him in ways he can't even articulate. But worse still is the underlining message - adoptees, unlike really kids, do not deserve the same compassion and consideration as the real.


Saturday, August 21, 2010

Save $$$ and pay CASH to purchase a baby!

Via @jaeran on Twitter

Financial advice and frugal tips so you too can pay CASH for your next Healthy White Infant! (Product code: HWI)


Friday, August 20, 2010

Better Off, Better Smile

Just go watch, seriously.


Wednesday, August 18, 2010

This is Not a Legal Record

Please take a moment to visit Real Kid / Bastard Spawn Extraordinaire, Nathaniel Christopher.

I first ran across Nathaniel years ago on YouTube, when he posted a video response to one of Kali's vlogs about his own horrible treatment trying to get his deceased father's adoption records.

Over the past three years, Nathaniel has posted a series of vlogs on his legal battles between Alabama and Georgia. Even though Nathan's father was born in an equal access state, he was adopted in Georgia, resulting in a complicated back-and-forth red tape, fork-over-the-money journey between the two jurisdictions.

September, 2007  Nathan in Alabama

December, 2008 Georgia: Let me have my father's damn adoption records, now!

July, 2010 Adoption records unsealed after nearly 70 years! 

Genealogy is a popular hobby. For the nonadopted. Genealogy is seen as a fun pastime. For the nonadopted. In fact, Genealogy is soooo popular that over 1 million real kids worldwide are forking over anywhere from $13 to $30 per month at to stay up way too late stalking dead people.

But when we want to do it, it's seen as pathological.

Unfortunately that same bias is passed on to our kids too through the magic of adoption. They should feel content to trace their adoptive family tree, and not wonder about their own family history. Some children of adoptees are saddled with the same conflicting loyalties we are between their adoptive grandparents and their own curiosity or need for truth.

But some real kids just won't shut the fuck up, earning them the esteemed title of Bastard Spawn in the League of Adoptee Superfriends.

Congratulations Nathaniel, and thank you for being so ungrateful.


Monday, August 16, 2010

Monday is "Contact Chairman Oliver Day" for Adoptee Rights

Via Pennsylvania Adoptee Rights News Blog. Please repost freely.

Monday is "Contact Chairman Oliver Day" for Adoptee Rights

Call/email/mail Pennsylvania House of Representatives Health and Human Services, Chairman Oliver, on Monday please! This is of vital importance that everyone who can contact him does.

Why? We need HB 1978 to get a hearing in the Pennsylvania House of Representatives Health and Human Services Committee. HB 1978 is a 100% clean access bill. If it becomes law, as-is, it will streamline Vital Services in PA. Adult Adoptees will be able to walk into Vital Statistics just like everyone else and get their Original Birth Certificate with no restrictions.

Your email/call/letter shouldn't take more than a two sentences. Tell him you support HB 1978 and tell him to give it a hearing!

-------Contact Info-----------------

Hon. Frank Louis Oliver (Chairman)
34E East Wing
PO Box 202195
Harrisburg, PA 17120-2195
Phone: (717) 787-3480
Fax: (717) 783-0684

Do you live in Philadelphia County? YOU are HIS constituent. Let him know that!

-------More Info-----------------

Read the bill

check us out at


Saturday, August 14, 2010

An Emotional Response to Graphic Violence

As Chief Grand Free Web Services Thingy Finder Person for the Adoptee Rights Demonstration (I used to be just Chief Free Web Services Thingy Finder Person but I gave myself a title upgrade this year), part of my volunteer duties involves finding free web services thingies. For the protest, you know, in case you couldn't tell.

Last year for Philly, we wanted to put together a slideshow promo, and came up with the DENIED video that was easier than stealing identities from children. The idea behind the DENIED video was to get people to put forth the faces of normal, every day adults who through no self-selected behavior on their part, are denied equal treatment under law. The DENIED stamp was ugly and scaring, yet effective.

Let’s look back!

After the video, some mothers wanted their faces stamped too, something that could be used to show both solidarity as well as make a statement against something that was imposed on them without their consent. Some ideas were batted around. My personal favorite, the digital erasing of mother’s faces, was voted out in favor of a stamp that  followed the same theme - simply stamping CONFIDENTIAL.

Over the past two protests I’ve stamped face 

after face 

after face 

after face 

after face.

While the actual act of stamping is quite easy, the emotional effect isn’t as straight forward.

Obscuring someone’s image with a glaring red stamp can be draining when done mindfully of the great malice aforethought.

Because is it not malice, pure malicious maliciousness in all it’s glory, to impose confidentiality on someone without their permission, desire or consent, and then use that same person to justify and blame sealed records on? What could be more malicious than telling another adult human being that they are not entitled to their own identity, rationalize  their identity theft by the possible reproductive choices of future women, willfully and while all the time making quite the profit

If that’s not malice, I don’t know what the fuck is.

Don’t ever doubt that the sealed and stolen identities of the DENIED, or the unwanted CONFIDENTIALITY inflicted on American mothers, is nothing less than a graphic act of political violence.

The audacity, arrogance and presumptuousness  of those who oppose restoring access and then turn and hide behind the skirts of the same women they profited off of when they were paid a legal fee to seal their children’s identities is mind-boggling.

Frankly, it makes me quite cranky.

I’m actually writing this blog post halfway through the stamping of a mother I adore, and obscuring her face made me break down and cry. The adoptee images make me angry, but the ones from the mothers eat at me. Especially when they send me pictures of themselves before they got pregnant. I see young women about to be exploited and used by a system run by those with full knowledge of what they were about to do to them.

It’s a long road to the San Antonio protest, and the wrapping up of Louisville will take weeks if not months. While the administrivia takes place in the background, internet memes like the DENIED photos keep the protest alive in the ever-brief attention span of the web.

Take a peek or two or three at the DENIED album over on Facebook, and if you’d like your photo included please send a picture to   

Also, while doing an export from the old fan page to the new one, some images got lost. If your photo isn’t included, just give a yell. As my solemnly sworn responsibility to do free web services thingies, I’d never deny you the chance to be DENIED.


Friday, August 13, 2010

Support Adoptee Films

I'm burdened with writer's block recently.

I've tried a number of times to write a post asking you to please consider two adoptee film projects, but I just can't get the words out.

Thankfully, the National Council for Adoption came to my rescue, with a fundraising letter template that is very easy to use. After all friends, the NCFA is no stranger to knowing how to raise the big bucks.

So here goes:

Dear Friend of Adoptees,

At ULB, I believe equal access to original birth certificates is everyone's birthright, yet there are those who actually oppose adoptees and and try to shame us for our belief in equality. In fact, the anti-adoptee industry  is  frantically  fund-raising overtime to counter our mission to end discrimination.

What can you do to stop this negativity and anti-adoptee bias?

You can make an urgent  gift right now of  any amount to support adoptees trying to promote the truth through film-making.  Adoptees are frequently the subject of films, yet our voices continue to remain unheard. Please support these adoptee filmmakers help spread the truth.

You can STOP the discrimination and anti-adoptee efforts: DONATE NOW to help support adoptee voices in film-making.

With sincere thanks for your support,

Ungrateful Little Bastard,
Legend in my Own Mind

If the attempts of the NCFA to raise more money have pissed you off, don't get mad, get donating!

Two projects that could use your support:

All My Life...  Adoptee Rights and Civil Liberties
What if our government kept a sealed record on your identity? Birth records are public information to most of the population, but to a few like myself, are sealed because we are adopted. Currently, I have no legal right to my original birth record, unlike every other person in New York State.

All My Life… “A Working Title” is a documentary that focuses on my own efforts to discover who my biological parents are. Nine years of endless searching has brought me nothing. I have spent thousands of dollars on private investigators, posted up and down the internet, and even approached strangers, all in an effort to find my biological family.

My whole history is contained in a manila folder, thirteen barely legible pages contain everything I know about my parents. When I was a child I would pour over those documents trying to get a picture or a feeling of what I am or who they were. I, like other adoptees, have always felt like something was missing. A piece of me is gone.

This documentary will focus on the stories of adoptees and the efforts to unseal records for all adult adoptees. It will also highlight a portion of our society that people know very little about. The end goal for this film is to raise awareness, update the public health laws and finally help me discover who I am.

All My Life… is the first feature written and directed by Jason Darnieder, and produced by Flower City Media.

~~ and ~~

Sponsor 'For the Life of Me' on Public Television

OPPORTUNITY! You can become a sponsor of For the Life of Me and support its broadcast on public television this fall!
We are trying to raise $6,800 for station placement, outreach, tracking, close captioning and an HD version for broadcast. You'll be listed on the website as one of our premiere sponsors - but more importantly, you'll be supporting the broadcast of the film to help educate communities about why adoption reform is so critical.

You can either pay online (at this link), or you can send a check to:

Jean Strauss/Silver Tandem Productions
2300 Glenna Goodacre Blvd. #4325
Lubbock, TX 79401


Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Jesuit-trained Lapsed Catholic School Bad Girls Rule

Growing up Catholic fucking rocks. Going to Catholic Elementary School, that fucking rocks too.

But the crowing jewel of them all, is being taught in a Catholic Elementary School by Jesuits

Sorry weekend CCD-class kids, but we're all another level entirely above you. (I put that wiki link to CCD there for those of you not lucky enough to grow up Catholic.)

One of the many benefits of being Jesuit trained is you got an edge. Not only do you know the parts of the bible that they made into movies like any other Catholic, you can do some Protestant-type bible verse quoting too.

Which sometimes comes in mighty handy. When the moment strikes to pull out a quote, well, it's like the shining hand of God.

The Lord spoke to me recently, when apropos of nothing*, I was shocked to receive an invitation to none other than the National Council for Adoption's Bow Ties and Pearls Gala Event.

How honored. Me, little old me. And what a mighty bargain, sports fans. Only $300 a pop to celebrate separating families!

Sadly though, I needed to decline. Things are a little tight around here, you know,  recession and all. So I RSVP'ed no. But I wanted them to know the Lord was always in my thoughts, so I sent my regrets with a bible verse. I can't think of any better analogy for modern day infant adoption - or the NCFA's treatment of mothers.

Matthew 7:6
Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.

Funny... they removed my bible verse from the RSVP page.

I think the Lord just isn't in their hearts.

Ad Maiorem Dei Gloriam, bitches.


*that is a total lie, it was totally apropos of something, but I'll tell it in Penance (again wiki-linked, for you non-Catholic school heretics)


Monday, August 09, 2010


I will never get to writing about the Louisville Adoptee Rights Demonstration, but that's cool because so many other people already have.

A picture speaks a thousand words though, so this is what I have:


Mothers of adoption loss

Adoptive families

Partners, families and friends

Christians Atheists

Liberals Conservatives

Anti Adoption Love Adoption

And everything in between.

For one week, just focused on one thing.


Saturday, August 07, 2010

Pennsylvania Adoptee Rights **URGENT ACTION NEEDED--Help us Defeat HB 1968**

Reposting via PA Adoptee Rights News Blog. Please repost freely. And please help.

**URGENT ACTION NEEDED--Help us Defeat HB 1968**

Dear Advocates,

As you may have known, there were two bills in the Health and Human Services Committee that seek to change the portion of adoption law that governs an Adult Adoptee's access to identifying information.
HB 1968 is the BAD bill. HB 1978 is the GOOD, equal rights, bill.

Unfortunately, despite all of our outpouring of support for HB 1978, it is still sitting in the HHS Committee. HB 1968, on the other hand, has made its way out of committee and is now before the PA House of Representatives for consideration.

It is of utmost importance that HB 1968 be defeated. HB 1968 not only does not change the current law much at all; it actually makes it worse. Worse even yet, should HB 1968 pass, we worry that legislators (1) will believe that the law is improved when it isn't and (2) won't want to re-address this issue and portion of law, and will leave HB 1978 to die in committee.

We cannot let the law get worse with HB 1968. We cannot let HB 1978 die.

We have created a call-to-action made available HERE.

In the call-to-action you will find:

(1) the text to the bill

(2) bill sponsors to contact

(3) a guide letter to assist those who are new to contacting legislators in drafting letters and emails.

(4) ways to help PAR and defeat HB 1968

(5) our Position Statement of Opposition to HB 1968 to give you an overview on the bill and why we oppose it.

For more information, please see


Thursday, August 05, 2010

Slideshow of images from the Louisville Adoptee Rights weekend

Reposting via

Here’s our slideshow!

Please visit YouTube to view the video at:

The same old request applies!

1.) Give it a thumbs up

2.) Save it to your favorites

3.) Leave a comment

Thank you!


Monday, August 02, 2010

I just love this Itty Bitty Bastid

Adoptees Fight for Access to Original Birth Certificates
Monday, August 02, 2010

There are between six and eight million adopted people in the U.S., and the vast majority of them will never have access to their original birth certificates. All information on their birth parents is sealed. For decades, several advocacy groups have been trying to change this, claiming that humans have a right to own their own histories. 

Today, original birth certificates are widely or entirely available to adult adoptees in nine states (including in Kansas and Alaska, where they were never sealed). In about a dozen other states, some adoptees can get access to their birth certificates if they were born before a certain date. Additionally, lawmakers in at least eleven states are currently considering the issue.

But there are opponents from groups as diverse as the ACLU, New Jersey Board Association, New Jersey Right to Life, and Catholic Charities who are fighting to keep original birth certificates sealed. Among their arguments: that opening records would violate the privacy of birth mothers; and that without anonymous adoption available, more women will choose to have abortions.

Tom Snyder chairs the family law section of the New Jersey State Bar Association. Over the past several years, he's testified before the New Jersey Senate subcommittees and Assembly subcommittees, lobbying against the New Jersey Adoptee Rights Bill, which would open records sealed decades ago.

Diane Crossfield is an adult adoptee from Kentucky who's been trying to access her original birth certificate for over twelve years. She's also one of the of the founders of the Adoptee Rights Coalition, which fights on behalf of adoptees, birth mothers, and adoptive parents who believe that original birth certificate records should not be sealed.

We talk with both of them about the impacts opening original birth certificates records could have on adoptees and those who are touched by adoption.

Please visit and leave a comment. 6:49AM is an ungodly time to be up and on the radio.


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