Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Jesuit-trained Lapsed Catholic School Bad Girls Rule

Growing up Catholic fucking rocks. Going to Catholic Elementary School, that fucking rocks too.

But the crowing jewel of them all, is being taught in a Catholic Elementary School by Jesuits

Sorry weekend CCD-class kids, but we're all another level entirely above you. (I put that wiki link to CCD there for those of you not lucky enough to grow up Catholic.)

One of the many benefits of being Jesuit trained is you got an edge. Not only do you know the parts of the bible that they made into movies like any other Catholic, you can do some Protestant-type bible verse quoting too.

Which sometimes comes in mighty handy. When the moment strikes to pull out a quote, well, it's like the shining hand of God.

The Lord spoke to me recently, when apropos of nothing*, I was shocked to receive an invitation to none other than the National Council for Adoption's Bow Ties and Pearls Gala Event.

How honored. Me, little old me. And what a mighty bargain, sports fans. Only $300 a pop to celebrate separating families!

Sadly though, I needed to decline. Things are a little tight around here, you know,  recession and all. So I RSVP'ed no. But I wanted them to know the Lord was always in my thoughts, so I sent my regrets with a bible verse. I can't think of any better analogy for modern day infant adoption - or the NCFA's treatment of mothers.

Matthew 7:6
Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.

Funny... they removed my bible verse from the RSVP page.

I think the Lord just isn't in their hearts.

Ad Maiorem Dei Gloriam, bitches.


*that is a total lie, it was totally apropos of something, but I'll tell it in Penance (again wiki-linked, for you non-Catholic school heretics)

6 complaints from ingrates:

Unknown August 11, 2010 at 8:51 PM  

Was so hoping you would be there.

I am going to be giving a special poetry reading there. I am sure they are inviting me as an honored guest

Ungrateful Little Bastard August 11, 2010 at 10:14 PM  

Is that your adoption conference poem?


I was thinking of writing a poem about adoption t-shirts myself:

Oh, the adoption t-shirt
A world of inanities begird

But then I fell asleep.

Denise Emanuel Clemen August 12, 2010 at 6:16 AM  

Maybe they'll invite some of us who gave up our children as dishonored guests.

I'm just a Benedictine-trained Lapsed Catholic School Bad Girl myself.

Ungrateful Little Bastard August 12, 2010 at 6:28 AM  

Benedictine, eh? Not too shabby.

When I was growing up there was this entire hierarchy of bizarre snobbery regarding orders that I'm still trying to wrap my head around.

Unknown August 12, 2010 at 3:34 PM  

I get so many requests for my adoption conference poem.

Adoption Conference, adoption conference

Wherefore art thou adoption conference?

We discuss matters of great importrence.

Sitting in a bar, with flowers in our hair and subltely gone from all whencehrence

Ungrateful Little Bastard August 12, 2010 at 7:39 PM  

Joy that is brilliant, just breathtaking.

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